Living together before Marriage

jessicarc11

Ok, so my FI and I will be moving into an apartment together about 5 months before we actually get married, so we will have the basics (bedding, bath, kitchen, etc.) My FMIL is giving us a lot of stuff (he is her only child, so she wants to make sure he has everything he needs, which is fine with me). My question is what should we register for or if we should register at all? I know we'll have a coffeemaker, a vacuum, a 4 place set of plates, bowls and cups, flatware, possibly a toaster, pillows, bed sheets, coffee tables and that's about it. FI wants to go to Goodwill for other furniture that we need. What are some things that we should register for? Do we really need to register for anything? If our guests want to get us gifts, I want them to have something to select from and I only want to put things on our registry that we need/want. 

Am I being too picky? I feel like I am. What do you think? Any and all opinions and ideas are welcome. Thank you ladies and gentlemen!

RailWayWife

Once you are in your apartment I think you will find you will want/need a lot more things. A waffle maker, blender, Towels, Extra sheets, Wine glasses, Pots & Pans, Picture Frames, Vases,  I can go on and on.

I would suggest you register that way if guests want to buy you something they know what you want and you will get something you will use.


Just take a walk through a home store and I am sure you will think of a ton of stuff you can register for. FI and I have been living together for 3 years now and I can think of TONS of stuff we still need or want lol.

MyNameIsNot

Once you get settled in, you will come up with tons of stuff that you could use.  For example, a 4 piece place setting probably isn't going to work for long.  You'll want to register for the other 4 or 8 places.  Just buy one set of sheets and a couple of towels, and then register for more.  Hold off on the specialty kitchen stuff until the wedding.  (You may need a coffee maker right away, but maybe you can hold off on the blender, toaster, mixer, etc for a couple of months.  Add some specialty stuff like barware and kitchen gadgets, and you'll have plenty to register for.  

jagore08

I lived with DH for over 7 years before we got married (4 of them without roommates).  We still found plenty of things we needed and wanted.  In you first couple of months of living together keep a pad out to write down what you need or could make life easier around the house.  

Some stuff I wrote down:

spatulas

small whisk

hand grater

small food processor

emersion blender

dish towels/pot holders

crockpot

12 place setting (dishes and silverware)

serving bowls and plates

servingware

hand vac

more towels

iron 

extra set of sheets

ElisabethJoanne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:1a8759d1-3c97-4281-8d56-6c4d61ebbcc4">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I lived with DH for over 7 years before we got married (4 of them without roommates).  We still found plenty of things we needed and wanted.  In you first couple of months of living together keep a pad out to write down what you need or could make life easier around the house.   Some stuff I wrote down: spatulas small whisk hand grater small food processor emersion blender dish towels/pot holders crockpot 12 place setting (dishes and silverware) serving bowls and plates servingware hand vac more towels iron  extra set of sheets
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

Yup. We're not living together, but I was very particular about setting up my apartment as a full-fledged grown-up when I got it, so it doesn't feel like we'll need much. HOWEVER, since we got engaged, I've been keeping a list, and it will be quite sufficient for our 200 guests. Just since we've known each other, my sheets and towels are wearing out. We discovered that you need more kitchen tools and gadgets cooking together than alone. Also, we like to clean with different tools. It will be a bit of a strange registry (no bakeware, few things like spatulas), but it will be sizeable.

jessicarc11

Thank you so much everyone! That really does help.

ShakeUpTampa

I lived in and out of my mothers or grandmothers from age 19 till last Spring...moving out of state, across the city and a few other places. In my moves I broke some, lost some, and sold some. FI has crap. Literally his ex has bad taste and he just held on to whatever he had after she ran off with another dude and the good stuff. No dishes match, appliances were nothing to write home about and him and his brother mostly ate out, used the same two towels and clogged the sinks lol.

So I have over 200 items on our registries as upgrades or stuff we dont have. As much as I started loving wine this past year..I still do not own wine glasses. I need a bigger crock pot, Bed linens to fit the queen we will unpack once we move after the wedding, we need. Towels that don't have strings hanging from them. Most certainly a wish.

We are going to sell or donate a LOT of what is in this place when we move. It is a matter of register for what you want or that you would buy yourself after the wedding with the completion discount and let it be. Or don't register and hope you don't get 12 toasters

SirJuliusVonHaast

FI and I also live together (and have lived in our own apartments separately for a long time). We have most of the basic stuff, but we didn't have any fancy stuff, so that's what we're registering for. For example, we have low-end plates, bowls, and cups that are fine for when it's just us, but we registered for fine china, nice glassware, serving dishes, etc. for entertaining. I also added a few nice vases and picture frames. 

arrabelle

Ditto.  We've both lived on our own for over 10 years, FI owns a home, and here's what's on our registry:

*upgrades to luggage, cookware, knives, and flatware/silverware - we each bought cheap sets of these 10 years ago, so everything we have is mismatched and wearing out!

*bone china service for 12 that we can use every day and on special occasions

*breadmaker

*cloth napkins

*fancy bar glasses and a decanter

*a few more kitchen gadgets and gizmos.

Just make sure you have a variety of price points, keep things basic and high quality so you will be able to keep using them in any apartment or house you have in the future.

Congrats!

Avion22

I agree with PPs.  It sounds like you have what you absolutely need to get started, but could still use some more stuff to fully stock your kitchen and household:-)

Ljacks87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:d8df2369-ccf1-4cf0-ab1d-951b33df6e56">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Once you are in your apartment I think you will find you will want/need a lot more things. A waffle maker, blender, Towels, Extra sheets, Wine glasses, Pots & Pans, Picture Frames, Vases,  I can go on and on. I would suggest you register that way if guests want to buy you something they know what you want and you will get something you will use. Just take a walk through a home store and I am sure you will think of a ton of stuff you can register for. FI and I have been living together for 3 years now and I can think of TONS of stuff we still need or want lol.
Posted by RailWayWife[/QUOTE]

This. Just keep a running last- write down things as you think of them. H and I were living together before the wedding, and we opted to upgrade a lot of things, such as sheets, towel, douvet for the bed and kitchen essentials. If you have a lot of storage space, consider registering for extra stuff that you will use in a couple years (such as another set of pots and pans) and things you may only use once a year...such as roasting pan for the holiday turkey and a nice set of serving utensils and platters. If we had storage space, I would've registered for all of Pier One's holiday serving pieces! lol

[Deleted User]

I agree...and most posters gave you some great ideas. We love to cook, so here is some registry ideas

- tea pot
- french press
- new knife set (personally, this is one of the best kitchen investments and so many people overlook it,you can  register for a set or individuals)
- cutting board
- wine glasses
- drawer organizers
- waste baskets
- toothbrush holder/soap dish/little bathroom stuff
- rugs (bathroom/kitchen/front door)
- serving utensils (serving spoons/forks)
- oil dispensers (those things you can put in EVOO and drizzel over salad)
- serving platters
- vaccuum (maybe a wet-vac, and I love my dewalt cordless handheld. Its perfect for the car)
- household tools (new drills/bits/whatever you might need)
- DVD tower
- coasters (I personally hate putting my glass on my table without a coaster)
- desk organizer (one of those letter organizer thingys)


GL!

mandi921vh

Once you get settled in you will realize what you need/want. You can also get ideas by searching random people's registries

Budnotes

My husband and I married later on (late 30's) and both of us had our own homes prior to getting married.  We really didn't need anything so when we registered - it was all fun stuff that we wanted, but weren't heartbroken if we never got it.  We ended up with some really fun stuff - a cappuccino machine; ice cream maker; fondue set; etc.  We have even more fun now when we host parties and stuff.  I say go ahead and register for whatever you want! 

Once you move in together - you'll start to figure out what you need and you can always modify your registry as you need to.  Don't overthink it - just enjoy it!

supertoaster82

We've lived together for about three years, and we found plenty of stuff to put on the registries (about 160 items between two stores). Some of the things we registered for:

Queen-sized sheets/bedding for the bed we have now

Cal. King sheets/bedding, as we know we'll be upgrading our bed in a few years

Attachments for my Kitchenaid mixer (you could register for the mixer, too, if you don't have one already)

12 place settings everyday china

new glassware & wine glasses

new silverware (we have NOTHING that matches currently - can't WAIT to have new silverware!)

espresso machine

new coffee pot

new toaster oven & a regular toaster

all new pots and pans

serving platters/dishes

new matching bathroom accessories (shower curtian, rug, toothbrush holder, soap dispenser, etc)

towels to match new bathroom stuff

board games

Wii & games for Wii

digital camera

this list could go on for awhile, but that's just to give you an idea I don't have a lot of bakeware on mine. I bake a lot, and I've bought a lot of good, high-quality bake ware in the past few years, so there wasn't a lot that I needed (I already have good cookie sheets, mini-muffin pans, etc.) I did register for new cup-cake pans, as my hand-me-down ones are looking a little rusty. I also registered for some loaf pans - I've never baked breads before, but hopefully I get the pans and can give it a try!

hope this was at least a little helpful! 

hoffse

My FI and I like to cook too.  Here are some of the things we're going to register for in a few months:

-Bakeware: aluminum, glass, and oven-to-table - preferably with covers so we can be green and not waste a lot of plastic wrap/aluminum foil

-MIXING bowls.  We both have bowls but you can never have enough - full sized and prep size

-Nice food processor

-Quesadilla maker - no more taco bell!

-Stainless steel pots and pans

-Ditto PP on the knives: it's very important to have good quality knives and the sharper they are the safer they are since it takes less pressure to cut through things

-A couple of le creuset cast iron dutch ovens

-Fun kitchen gadgets - check out crate & barrel and williams sonoma.  It's like kitchen gadget heaven

-I already have a stand mixer but if you don't have one, register for one, particularly if you like to bake.  My mother's has lasted more than 30 years.

We also want to be able to entertain.  So to that point:

-12 place settings and serving pieces of nice bone china.  If you have any inclination to EVER get china register for it now because it's very expensive to buy on your own and it's a traditional wedding gift so you're likely to get at least a few pieces.  Most of my friends have gotten all of it

-Crystal

-Formal flatware

-Enough everyday dishes to fill up the dishwasher completely before running it

-Plenty of platters and serving bowls in different sizes

-Chip & dip/hors d'ouvres/dessert platters

-Many of my friends also ask for and receive full sets of holiday dishes.  We're contemplating this, but my mother gets me pieces every Christmas, so we may just let that be a thing between her and me.

-WINE GLASSES: red, white, and champagne - enough for everybody to have what they want

-Beer glasses: FI likes beer and I like glasses without sports logos on them

-Cordial glasses - we drink orange liqueor and Bailey's

-Margarita & martini glasses

-Ice bucket, tongs, double jigger, strainer, cocktail whisk, muddler, cocktail shaker, etc to make the drinks

Will you ever have guests spend the night?  If so, you need:

-Enough sheets for you to have sheets on your bed and in the laundry as well as at least one set of guest sheets

-Towels for you, the laundry, and guests

-Bath things (soap dispenser, wastebasket, etc) for guest bath

-Duvet, quilt, blankets in different weights, pillows, mattress pad for guest bed

-In this category it might also be nice to finally have a high-quality iron, a very NICE ironing board (they're quite expensive actually), and maybe a garment steamer

You get the picture.  What you have will carry you through until the wedding, but it won't allow you to have people come over, cook semi-gourmet, or have guests spend the night.  Have fun!

redheadtmk

You can also register for tools, outdoor stuff such as camping equipment, and board games or other things to do. Follow the PP's advice and think out side the box a little.

mrssmiff

If you plan on going on a honeymoon, try th honeymoon registry. Guests send money that goes directly to your fund. You can allocate it however you want.

caroljo59

My FI and I just moved in together within the past 3 months.  As we are both older (me-30, him-39) and having lived on our own for years, we both had plenty of the necessities.  But nothing that were really match sets.  The majority of our registries are upgrades from things we already have or matching, NICE sets of towels, dishes, etc.  Like most of the other replies, don't forget to register for the fun things!  I say the things you'd love to have, but could never really justify buying for yourself!  Have fun with it!  My FI registered for a flat screen tv and a new Xbox 360, with the Kinect system.  If we don't get it, it's not the end of the world, but with gift cards, we could still go pick it up if we want!  Enjoy!!  And Congratulations!!!

CFM102012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:02009cf9-0f52-4319-8bbd-8fedb0724b84">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]If you plan on going on a honeymoon, try th honeymoon registry. Guests send money that goes directly to your fund. You can allocate it however you want.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

<div>Do not do a honeymoon registry.  Its asking for money which is a big no-no.  Book the honeymoon you can afford.  Plus a lot of the honeymoon registry companies take a percentage out of what your guests give, so you're not recieving the full gift anyway.</div>

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:02009cf9-0f52-4319-8bbd-8fedb0724b84">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]If you plan on going on a honeymoon, try th honeymoon registry. Guests send money that goes directly to your fund. You can allocate it however you want.
Posted by mrssmiff[/QUOTE]

<div>These are not well received here on the boards. My biggest issue is the fact that most companies who run them take a cut, so they jip your guests and I think that's rude. Even a lot of the ones that "let you send the couple on an excursion" or "gift them a spa visit," they really just mail the B&G a check, from what I have been told/read from other Knotties. </div>

misstomrstodr

I will have been living with my guy for more than 3 years at the point of us being married and I was super excited about registering!! You haven't been living together too long like us (we're looking forward to getting a tempurpedic mattress pad, some decent pots and pans....hand me downs we've been living with for 3 years), but I think you could still get upgrades and the like (maybe a slow cooker, extra appliances like a stand mixer). I would recommend going to the actual store, see and feel everything. You'd be surprised what you could use and what you need.... and if you don't register, it's going to be more on you to get that stuff in the future.

misstomrstodr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:47e7a5a4-fbd0-4508-92e3-a86c5ee8d8a0">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Asking other people to pay for your vacation or house is terribly rude and  presumptous.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

100% don't agree about the honeymoon. Since most people are living together before hand, I think registering for things that you don't necessarily need can be really frivolous and wasteful. But it's all about your family. We aren't in an age where ettiquite is the pulse of our social worlds, so if you're okay with asking for that and you are OK with how your family and friends will react to it.... who cares what the people on these boards or in general say? No one will be 100% happy lol... I put a $200 hardwood floor cleaning rhumba on my registry so I can have clean floors every day instead of mopping when I get home from working/getting my PhD.... and my future monster in law has already complained about it lol

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:3b3ccfc3-9b60-434d-9597-2d185a977e74">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living together before Marriage : 100% don't agree about the honeymoon. Since most people are living together before hand, I think registering for things that you don't necessarily need can be really frivolous and wasteful. But it's all about your family. We aren't in an age where ettiquite is the pulse of our social worlds, so if you're okay with asking for that and you are OK with how your family and friends will react to it.... <strong>who cares what the people on these boards or in general say?</strong>No one will be 100% happy lol... I put a $200 hardwood floor cleaning rhumba on my registry so I can have clean floors every day instead of mopping when I get home from working/getting my PhD.... and<strong> my future monster in law</strong>has already complained about it lol
Posted by misstomrstodr[/QUOTE]

You sound absolutely delightful.

misstomrstodr

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_living-together-before-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9008c306-dfc4-4283-aa3f-e90a4a96dc35Post:9043ddb1-e72c-4322-a494-27c19108a520">Re: Living together before Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Living together before Marriage : You sound absolutely delightful.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
Well, let's be honest.... a lot of people on these boards are superbly opinionated. In the end, she's going to make the decision that feels right for her. And if you think me saying "monster" in law is rude, I envy you for having a great set of in-laws! All are not so lucky :) but thanks for the compliment