Bridal Shower Gifts

mrsmtothek

Hi guys! My aunt is throwing me a bridal shower in 2 months for my wedding in February of next year, and we're trying to figure out how to handle this. The shower is in New Jersey, but I live in the middle of nowhere Texas. I understand that the idea of a shower is to "shower" the couple/bride with gifts, but it will be extremely difficult and expensive to ship each present one by one back to Texas. What we'd really like for people to do is to utilize our online registries, the links to which were provided via my wedding website and printed on the shower invites. My aunt didn't realize this conundrum before printing them. Obviously I realize that some people will bring me physical presents to the party, but we'd rather have that be the exception, not the rule. Is there some polite way to designate to guests that we'd rather them send our gifts to TX or use our registries? Or will it already be implied? Any ideas on how to politely get around this or a more elegant solution? Thanks!!!!!

HobokensFury

Wow 8 months is really early for a shower.  There really isn't any polite way to do this.  If people bring you gifts you can't ship or carry return them to the store and repurchase them in Texas.

mrsmtothek

I know--not really in my control, but they figured that because my family isn't together often (and we are for the 4th of July holiday), that this would be an opportune time to have one. Repurchasing in Texas isn't an option. To really give you an idea of how far remote I am...I have to order my makeup online and I'm 3 hours away from an airport. Unless there was some way for me to return and then order online again? Ugh what a mess.

HobokensFury

If you use a national chain like BBB ordering online and having home delivery will be an option.

mrsmtothek

Right--thats what I would prefer! We're using Crate and Barrel and I think they do the same? I'm just hoping thats what people will be drawn to do.

AurorasEnvy

Well, I think you're kind of stuck here.  Most people tend to like to bring a physical gift to the shower.  Maybe ask your aunt to spread the word by mouth to either ship the gifts to your house, or to purchase small things that would be easiest to stuff in your suitcase.  Otherwise I don't think there is much you can do unfortunately!

pkontk

Unfortunately for you, as part of accepting a shower you bear the responsibility of transporting gifts back to your home.  People enjoy giving physical shower gifts, so it would be boring to open envelopes with photos or something like that.

That being said, I'm sure they know you will have to travel with the gifts and will purchase gifts accordingly.

racholas

Does your aunt live near a Crate & Barrel, or wherever else you're registered? 

If so, I would just return them for store credit and repurchase them - or whatever else you want - online.  In my experience, when you return registry gifts it is not obvious on the registry.  They still look as if they have been purchased.  So really, your guests will never know, and they will have the experience of giving you something in person, which is what they want.

Also, if you're very patient, you could wait to repurchase your gifts until after your wedding and simultaneously take advantage of the completion discount, thus stretching their gift dollar a bit further.

Avion22

Option 1:   Remove all gifts from packaging, and use flat-rate boxes to ship gifts to yourself in Texas.  If you can pack things really well, then it won't be that expensive.  You can see if your aunt can spread the word to shower guests to pick easy-to-pack gifts that can be shipped back without worrying about breakage (sheets, towels, and table linens would be good -- wine glasses not so much).   

Option 2:   Return everything to a Crate & Barrell in NJ, then re-purchase in TX.  I think I would do this for any gifts you receive from your C&B registry, and unpack and mail stuff that you get that's not on your registry.

mrsmtothek

edielaura I did, but TK ate my post! Is it back?

Thanks for the advice guys. Look like theres not much I can do except roll with the punches!

Eyejewel

I went to a shower in March where we were asked for BBB giftcards or greenbacks. They live in FL and the shower was in RI where she will marry this summer. It was more of a cocktail/horevers' shower. Didnt get to open presents but it was so she didnt have to ship.

Could you add an insert that says giftcards or shipping to house is appreciated?

mrsmtothek

edielaura: For some like me, who rarely get to see their relatives ever because of where I live, its a chance for us to *celebrate*. I don't care if I get any gifts at all, just to have the people I love with me is enough. I understand that gifts are part of a shower, but to surround the whole point of the party around it is just ridiculous to me.    Eyejewel Some form of that is probably what I will do, just letting people know either online or word of mouth that while we don't expect any gifts, if they would like to contribute that we'd appreciate them shipping it to the house. Thanks!!

AdeleDazeem

By insisting that gifts being shipped to your home because "it's expensive to get them home yourself," this means you are passing the buck of paying from yourself to your guests.  I can never get behind that.  I think it's a little rude of the guest of honor to say that gifts must be shipped home.  The party is to shower you with gifts - therefore, the onus is on you to get them home.

There are options, though.  Pack 'em up and ship them home or return them to the stores and rebuy them when you get there.

My sister in law had a shower in Buffalo, NY when she lived five hours away.  They borrowed someone's van, drove to Buffalo and had a lovely shower.  All the gifts were put in their borrowed van and driven home.  No one was out paying for shipping and the bride and groom took care of the gifts.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-gifts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92957d47-5df3-4f00-b4e3-250d3e545539Post:024cca35-c7c6-4866-a360-918648fcfee4">Re: Bridal Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Gifts : Well another option would be to just have a get together and not call it a shower.  You might get a few presents, but not as many and it may be easier to get them home.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
Exactly. OP, if you're not comfortable with an event of showering you with gifts (AKA: bridal shower), then don't have one. Just have a nice get together with your friends & family you haven't seen. Perhaps a brunch? It would be a great way to spend quality time together & you are likely to receive only a few gifts. 

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-gifts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:92957d47-5df3-4f00-b4e3-250d3e545539Post:024cca35-c7c6-4866-a360-918648fcfee4">Re: Bridal Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Gifts : Well another option would be to just have a get together and not call it a shower.  You might get a few presents, but not as many and it may be easier to get them home.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. A shower is literally about showering you with gifts -- if you don't want to do that because getting them home would be too hard, the answer is simple: Don't have a shower. A BBQ or brunch would be a great way to get together with your family.

mrsmtothek

I'm not organizing the shower, nor did I ask for one. My aunt is insisting on throwing me one and wants to celebrate me getting married, which quite frankly is incredibly nice of her. Saying "no thanks I don't want a shower" would just be rude. The invites have been printed, its happening, so I'm trying to handle this in the most sensible way possible.

 

Living 5 hours away would be a dream come true. I would have no problem driving my gifts home if I had that option. And I certainly would never want my guests to feel like I'm putting them out or saying "you MUST pay for shipping and handling and oh by the way you wont see me open it either". But let's be a little reasonable here, asking me to pay for boxes and shipping for gifts from 50 something guests seems crazy to me, especially when I live halfway across the country. Its just not practical, and not every situation is the same. Its insane to me that the only way to conduct having a shower is to physically be there with all of your gifts. 

 

I know I'll have to ship a few gifts home, theres no avoiding that now I suppose. I'll just have to hope that most of my guests know the situation I'm in and will take that into consideration. Thanks ladies.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-gifts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92957d47-5df3-4f00-b4e3-250d3e545539Post:57fd339d-f2a3-40d6-b204-67ec5b777925">Re: Bridal Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not organizing the shower, nor did I ask for one. My aunt is insisting on throwing me one and wants to celebrate me getting married, which quite frankly is incredibly nice of her. Saying "no thanks I don't want a shower" would just be rude. The invites have been printed, its happening, so I'm trying to handle this in the most sensible way possible.   Living 5 hours away would be a dream come true. I would have no problem driving my gifts home if I had that option. And I certainly would never want my guests to feel like I'm putting them out or saying "you MUST pay for shipping and handling and oh by the way you wont see me open it either". But let's be a little reasonable here, asking me to pay for boxes and shipping for 50 something guests seems crazy to me, especially when I live halfway across the country. Its just not practical, and not every situation is the same. Its insane to me that the only way to conduct having a shower is to physically be there with all of your gifts.    I know I'll have to ship a few gifts home, theres no avoiding that now I suppose. I'll just have to hope that most of my guests know the situation I'm in and will take that into consideration. Thanks ladies.
Posted by mckemowse[/QUOTE]
Declining a shower is not rude, as long as you kindly explain to the person who offered it why. I'm sure that if you explain to her the logistics of you taking all of these items home or returning them all, she will understand. There are plenty of women who live 2 minutes away, yet decline a shower because they feel uncomfortable receiving gifts (I never really understood that). <div>
</div><div>I totally understand that you don't want to pay to ship all of those items home, but why should your guest have to do that? They're already being generous in giving you a gift. It's not their fault that you don't live close. If you do want to have a shower & don't want to receive too many physical gifts, then make your registry small. That way there are less gifts than people & more people are likely to give you gift cards. Or, do like we all suggested and decline the shower, but have a celebratory event instead. You still get to be with all of your friends/family, just not as many gifts. </div>

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-gifts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92957d47-5df3-4f00-b4e3-250d3e545539Post:57fd339d-f2a3-40d6-b204-67ec5b777925">Re: Bridal Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not organizing the shower, nor did I ask for one. My aunt is insisting on throwing me one and wants to celebrate me getting married, which quite frankly is incredibly nice of her<strong>.</strong> Saying "no thanks I don't want a shower" would just be rude. The invites have been printed, its happening, so I'm trying to handle this in the most sensible way possible.   Living 5 hours away would be a dream come true. I would have no problem driving my gifts home if I had that option. And I certainly would never want my guests to feel like I'm putting them out or saying "you MUST pay for shipping and handling and oh by the way you wont see me open it either". <strong>But let's be a little reasonable here, asking me to pay for boxes and shipping for gifts from 50 something guests seems crazy to me, especially when I live halfway across the country</strong>. Its just not practical, and not every situation is the same. Its insane to me that the only way to conduct having a shower is to physically be there with all of your gifts.    I know I'll have to ship a few gifts home, theres no avoiding that now I suppose. I'll just have to hope that most of my guests know the situation I'm in and will take that into consideration. Thanks ladies.
Posted by mckemowse[/QUOTE]

Living away from your friends and family is a choice you made. If your aunt is insisting on throwing the shower and you won't say no, then it is you responsibility to get the gifts you are given back to your home.

You have been given a few good options above, but telling guests 'hey, thanks for considering a gift, please send to me home' is rude. You have to figure something, and if it's shipping them back to you, its the price you pay to be showered with gifts.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-gifts-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:92957d47-5df3-4f00-b4e3-250d3e545539Post:5248c33e-2063-4762-a9f5-adad068497ff">Re: Bridal Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE] I totally understand that you don't want to pay to ship all of those items home, but why should your guest have to do that? They're already being generous in giving you a gift. It's not their fault that you don't live close. If you do want to have a shower & don't want to receive too many physical gifts, then make your registry small. That way there are less gifts than people & more people are likely to give you gift cards. Or, do like we all suggested and decline the shower, but have a celebratory event instead. You still get to be with all of your friends/family, just not as many gifts. 
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this.  If you don't decline the shower, you need to deal with the consequences of getting the gifts home.  It is not the guests' fault that you live so far away - it's yours so you must deal with it.

I understand your position, but I think you need to look at the party from another perspective.  Either decline the shower or save some money to ship boxes home.

MyNameIsNot

You should have asked your aunt if she'd consider a bridal luncheon or engagement party instead of the shower to avoid the gift problem, but that ship has sailed.

There is no polite way to ask guests to ship the gifts.  If you don't want the gifts or don't want to deal with shipping them, take the advice above or donate them the day after the shower.  

Strv2perfection

If its family and people your really close with have your aunt tell people to just get gift cards or see if they will be ok shipping your gift to your house. Or you could just get another suitcase and bring back gifts this way also. Or take back what you can and take your time getting the money together to have your aunt ship gifts to you. Hopefully it all works out for you.

blakgarnet

I feel you - 2.5 hours from the nearest airport/mall.  My friends are throwing me a shower in Boston next month.  I am hoping my friends have the forethought to do gifts that are easy to pack for the flight home or have things sent to my home.

mes54

II live in texas, and my wedding and shower will be in BUffalo ny. Driving hte gifts back is not an option, nor was decling a shower ( i am an only child, and this was all my mom could really be involved in). Anyway, we registered at places such as walmart that offer free shipping or 97 cent shipping to the home. So, for those that bring an actual gift, I wil lbe returning and repurchasing online. Some gifts have already been shipped to us. I can totally relate that shipping to yourself is not practical, the flat rate boxes get pricey. Register somewhere you cn return and rebuy online ot ship to yourself if needed.

X

mes54

also, by registering somewhere that offers free shipping, folks may be more inclined to send directly to you.

X

mrsmtothek

Thanks guys! I was starting to think I was the only one. Nice to know people can relate