Showers - Gifts

dianegeiger

So... I'm having trouble with this whole bridal shower thing.  I would like to have a "shower" that is basically just a civilized gathering of ladies.  I'd like to request "no gifts" (me and fiance are 40, and have way TOO MUCH "stuff" - I cringe to think of any more household stuff or items coming in).  Our moms say there's no point any more of anyone throwing me a shower if I don't want gifts.  And eveyone's talking about cancelling my shower that they were planning.

My take is:  well that sucks!  I've gone to everyone else's celebrations of their upcoming marriages and babies.  So I have to forego a gathering altogether, unless I agree to sit and open a bunch of gifts (that I don't want or need)?  Is it really so terrible to invite people to a nice civilized celebration that's focused around socializing, and let them off the hook for having to ante up with a gift?

(I know that I'd MUCH rather go to a no-strings-attached event like that, myself!)

Plus it's a recession!  I think this would be way easier on people.

Anyway, one other idea I had was to make it a "wine shower".  And let people know that gifts are not expected, but if they feel compelled to bring anything, a modest bottle of wine would be fine.  

Any thoughts on this idea?  Or does anyone else have other ideas for a "themed" shower, where guests could bring a very modest, token gift if they choose, that would be something that would be consumed and would "go away" (coffee?  tea?)

Thanks!

loop0406

I think you should have the shower and if someone brings a gift, that's good. You don't need to register for anything if you don't want to. The guests will most likely know by word of mouth you don't expect gifts. I know if I received an invite with no registry info, I'd call the hostess and ask where bride is registered, that's when the infor 'no gifts needed' can be passed along...

I looked online and here's a sample invite for 'no gifts' shower:

Christine and John are tying the knot!
Let's help them celebrate before the big day
and shower them with love and best wishes
Saturday, October 23, 9 pm
Huntsman's Tavern, 576 Main Street
Please bring a favorite story about the bride or groom to share, or advice on what makes a successful marriage.

MNVegas

The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts, but I don't see a problem with a nice luncheon or tea. I probably would just not word it as a shower because people will bring gifts even if you are not registered. You could then end up with a bunch of random stuff.

Brie2010

You can't really ask for no gifts at a shower.  That defeats the purpose of a shower.

How long have you been engaged?  You could always see it they'd be willing to convert it to an engagement party, if you haven't been engaged very long and the wedding is still far off. E-parties are not gift-giving occasions.

You could also have a more non-traditional shower--someone here had a "stock the bar" shower where it was co-ed and every couple was asked to bring a bottle of booze or wine for the couple's new bar.

Or, if all else fails, decline the shower altogether and just throw a party, if a get-together is really all you want. 

Meagan78

Perhaps instead of saying no gifts, you could say, "in lieu of gifts, please come armed with your funniest marriage story, the best advice you ever received, etc."

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_showers-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9cfad05f-4ad7-4f41-8b88-232e5622cc73Post:3f3df6b0-2cd3-439b-9c8f-9ae98444041c">Re: Showers - Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps instead of saying no gifts, you could say, "in lieu of gifts, please come armed with your funniest marriage story, the best advice you ever received, etc."
Posted by Meagan78[/QUOTE]

On this note, you could have a recipe shower, and everyone could bring in a recipe or two that you could compile into a binder. 

noodle_oo

Maybe if you call it a bridal luncheon instead?  Or the wine themed party is perfect too!  There is no reason not to have a get together just because you don't want gifts.  You just need to get your family (ie. those throwing the shower) on board.  Theme showers are very common, so like a lingerie shower, wine shower, recipe shower.  However, if your family doesn't want to throw a non-present shower, you can't really ask them to do it since they are the hosts.

quotequeen

Is it really so terrible to invite people to a nice civilized celebration that's focused around socializing, and let them off the hook for having to ante up with a gift?

Inviting people to such an event is fine.  However, that's not what people offered to host for you.  They offered to host a shower, and a shower inherently involves gifts.  So if you don't want gifts, you can have a nice civilized celebration instead of a shower, but the people who offered the shower aren't obligated to host this event instead.