Polite way to ask for Money to buy a home?

laurenhalter

My Fiance and I both are not really interested in registering for our wedding, we would like to just receive money so that we can buy a home together instead.  Whats the polite way to ask our guests to donate money towards us buying a home?  Does anyone know what kind of account we would set up for that?

My MIL has been to a wedding before where the bride and groom did this but I wasn't sure how common it was so I wanted to get some other peoples opinion. 

Any help that you might be able to provide would be grealty appreciated.

Thanks, Lauren

gurrlballa10

Do not set up anything.  People are aware that cash is always welcome.  Just don't register.  Be prepared to get some random stuff from people though, as some just like giving actual boxed gifts at weddings. 

GoodLuckBear14

Make a small registry or don't make a registry at all.  Let your families and WP, when asked, tell your guests that you are saving for a home.  There is no polite way to ask for money and to make a request for money to buy a house is going to offend a lot of people who saved on their own and didn't ask anyone for help with this.

mandi195

You dont' ask for money. It is beyond rude. Make a small registry, or none at all; people will get the hint.

stantokm

Some guests are going to want to give you physical items as gifts, so you may want to make up a very small registry somewhere with upgrades to the things that you already have (e.g. nicer towels, replacement cooking utensils, bathroom items).  People will see that you have a registry and when it's completed, they'll definitely give gift cards and money.  I know that you don't need the physical items, but some people are just not going to give money and you might prefer that you get items that you would like rather than some hideous vase from Aunt Sally.  You don't HAVE to do that, of course.

And I agree with PPs that specifying that you want cash is rude, but your family/wedding party saying, "They don't have a registry, but they are saving toward a house," is fine.  Please don't set up one of those "give us money" accounts.  Not only are they impolite, but the websites take a percentage so you're not receiving the full amount of someone's gift.

TayBeach2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_polite-way-to-ask-for-money-to-buy-a-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ab03cb6a-58ca-4ec6-ba95-d3622ffc0c4dPost:539d6531-6e23-4660-be1f-f7bdcb4d1e08">Re: Polite way to ask for Money to buy a home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Make a small registry or don't make a registry at all.  Let your families and WP, when asked , tell your guests that you are saving for a home.  There is no polite way to ask for money and to make a request for money to buy a house is going to offend a lot of people who saved on their own and didn't ask anyone for help with this.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

This, all of it.  Please don't.

sparkles776

There is not a polite way of asking for money, As a PP said, guests are well aware that money is usually preferred, there will be some guests that simply do not give cash, I would create a small registry so you do not end up with random stuff you dont want.

lls31

There is no polite way to ask for money.  Ever.

We're closing on our home 2 weeks after our wedding.  We plan to use any money we receive as gifts towards our down payment.  We did not ask anyone for money.  We created a small registry and a handful of gifts remain on it now that my shower has passed.  

Our family and friends are well aware that we are buying a home after our wedding.  If they want to give cash, they'll give cash.

AdeleDazeem

Where is that hot poker I left lying around?  I'd like to stick it in my eye.

OP, here are some threads from this board about this very topic.  Please read them. 

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registry-house-deposit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ade720a5-4b81-45f9-99d6-a7634b832bd1Post:a47b8358-79df-4929-a865-517072b88ac9

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_mortgage-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:0bf5f936-61d0-487c-924b-2c16a744f0cbPost:9cb4cd1f-fd66-4324-9bdb-fe75a8d77cd6

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_cash-registry-anyone-experience-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d6d1c6f7-c164-4a66-902b-0156068a92dbPost:39225427-103d-4d9c-8613-61f74c11589b

starbritte1

Oh my this will be fun, do as you please. 

Summer2011Bride

H and I just bought our first home. Every cent we used for a down paymet and the myriad of other costs associated with it came from our pockets because we saved up for years to be able to afford a home. Buying a home isn't a right you are owed; there's no reason you can't save up for it like everyone else. Take the money you will get as gifts WITHOUT asking for money (because people understand money is always appreciated) and put it in an account to go toward a down payment on a house. But definitely do not come out and ask for "donations" for a house fund. You aren't a charity; you can't accept "donations."

MyNameIsNot

There is no polite way to ask for money as a gift.  There is no polite way to ask for any gift at all.

If you don't want physical gifts, don't register.  Guests who are comfortable giving cash gifts will give you money.  Those who are not will either choose something on their own or forgo the gift.  

If you just want money, decline any showers, citing that you don't want physical gifts.  

freebread03

There is no polite way to do this--you can ask for money of course, but it would be beyond rude.  Can you imagine if someone told you "Hey, we are saving for a down payment, please give us money"?  You don't need to tell people cash is appreciated--people already know this.

PJSPJS

I think she's got the message by now!

starbritte1

Looks like a lot of venting here....Ouch!!!

bethie0022

Geez the rudeness on here is beyond unbelievable!!!! Why is it that everywhere you go on here now, when someone asks a question because they need guidance, they get torn down! These are boards to post information, ask questions, etc etc. I don't see a judge's panel anywhere! GROW UP!!!!!!

bethie0022

Really? So where does it say to be condescending and rude? Must've missed that one!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_polite-way-to-ask-for-money-to-buy-a-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ab03cb6a-58ca-4ec6-ba95-d3622ffc0c4dPost:31cdd7fd-691e-4749-a82f-81bf26968df2">Re: Polite way to ask for Money to buy a home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Really? So where does it say to be condescending and rude? Must've missed that one!
Posted by bethie0022[/QUOTE]

Policing the boards and the way people respond never goes well.  We're adults and we'll answer however we please.  If you ask the question, then you take the heat.

Asking for money is rude.  The end.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_polite-way-to-ask-for-money-to-buy-a-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ab03cb6a-58ca-4ec6-ba95-d3622ffc0c4dPost:a3d38220-3b32-47d1-a38c-cf3c07d90dee">Re: Polite way to ask for Money to buy a home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geez the rudeness on here is beyond unbelievable!!!! Why is it that everywhere you go on here now, when someone asks a question because they need guidance, they get torn down! These are boards to post information, ask questions, etc etc. I don't see a judge's panel anywhere! GROW UP!!!!!!
Posted by bethie0022[/QUOTE]

So how many posts are you manking this little rant on?

KaitheyMartin

I think you will have a hard time finding cash registry that doesn't have some stipulations or fees based on how people contribute- I mean, they are offering you a service, so yeah, there will be a fee somewhere. That being said, we are using www.uponourstar.com and we have been really happy.

It was super easy to set up, they handle the transfer to your account and it was all easy-peasy. I think you can just create a wedding website (we did) and have a link to your registries- that way people can just click a link- makes it easier than trying to explain where to go, etc- having a wedding website I think is super key to not have what happened to HillCountry- that might make it much easier for a lot of guests.