Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts

Megan3155

I was wondering if there was an etiquette way of asking for cash for wedding gifts? Thanks for your help!

dizzinea

you can't say anything, but tell your parents, and if someone asks have them spread the word

Megan3155

Yeah I didn't want to say anything because that is totally rude and I didn't know if there was a proper way of asking. But that is a great idea. Thanks sooo much.

MNVegas

It is very inappropriate to ask for cash no matter how you try to spin it. Do a small registry and you guest will get the hint about cash gifts. As pp mentioned you can spread by word of mouth. 

JadziaDax

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:26ed5daf-d625-46d7-a52a-a9b85880fe09">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]you can't say anything, but tell your parents, and if someone asks have them spread the word
Posted by dizzinea[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I also don't see the point of having a small registry if you don't want one- since the idea was mentioned above.
I don't know if things are different where you are from, but in my area people give the bride gifts from the registry at the bridal shower (if there is one) and cash at the wedding. I don't think i've actually seen anyone buy a wedding gift and bring it to the wedding.

megandjay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:746499dc-71f5-4c29-82ec-f9b81f1316f5">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]It is very inappropriate to ask for cash no matter how you try to spin it. Do a small registry and you guest will get the hint about cash gifts. As pp mentioned you can spread by word of mouth. 
Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]


Ditto.

But no registry means no bridal shower.

MNVegas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:380921dd-fb50-4efc-b4e8-512d5ec0ff3e">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts : I agree with this. I also don't see the point of having a small registry if you don't want one- since the idea was mentioned above. I don't know if things are different where you are from, but in my area people give the bride gifts from the registry at the bridal shower (if there is one) and cash at the wedding. I don't think i've actually seen anyone buy a wedding gift and bring it to the wedding.
Posted by JadziaDax[/QUOTE]

The reason for a small registry is because there will ALWAYS be someone who prefers to give a boxed gift and not give cash. At least the B&G will get something they know they will use as opposed to a random gift. Also the reason you may not have seen gifts at a wedding is because most guests will have gifts delivered directly to the couple's home.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:f7c97c75-6855-43b3-b284-fd970d296329">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts : The reason for a small registry is because there will ALWAYS be someone who prefers to give a boxed gift and not give cash. At least the B&G will get something they know they will use as opposed to a random gift. Also the reason you may not have seen gifts at a wedding is because most guests will have gifts delivered directly to the couple's home.
Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, but if you really don't want anything, then it doesn't matter if someone gives you a "random" gift. I'm sure if someone likes giving boxed gifts, they spend a lot of time picking something from the heart.  People give me "random" gifts - for Christmas, for example. It's never been a problem because it's not something I picked out myself, you know?</div><div>
</div><div>Now if someone IS worried about having a chili pepper lamp, by all means, do a small registry!</div>

Blueyed228

Its never ok to ask for cash. 

Most people are going to give you cash anyway.  I would not bring it up at all.

kathrynhabibti

Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding was that if someone asks you directly about gifts, you can hint at appreciating money by saying something like "we're saving up for....". In addition to telling them where your small registry might be, if you have one. Did I dream that up or is that okay? I've only gotten requests about our registry so far but in case it comes up I'd like to be prepared.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:31727a3d-2bd7-4f4e-87d5-abd7e27086de">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding was that if someone asks you directly about gifts, you can hint at appreciating money by saying something like "we're saving up for....". In addition to telling them where your small registry might be, if you have one. Did I dream that up or is that okay? I've only gotten requests about our registry so far but in case it comes up I'd like to be prepared.
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

It's generally better if your parents do that.  If you're going to do it yourself you need to be careful about how the question is worded.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts : It's generally better if your parents do that.  If you're going to do it yourself you need to be careful about how the question is worded.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]
Thanks!

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:31727a3d-2bd7-4f4e-87d5-abd7e27086de">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding was that if someone asks you directly about gifts, you can hint at appreciating money by saying something like "we're saving up for....". In addition to telling them where your small registry might be, if you have one. Did I dream that up or is that okay? I've only gotten requests about our registry so far but in case it comes up I'd like to be prepared.
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

Sounds ok to me.  They're asking YOU, and you're answering politely and honestly.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts : Sounds ok to me.  They're asking YOU, and you're answering politely and honestly.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]
Thanks Jenny! I think you and QQ put it well.

PS. Lovely pic :^)

jfernandes218

I also agree that it't proper ettiquite to outright ask people for cash, but I have found a solution for my similar problem. My FI wanted to ask people for cash and when I told him it wasn't proper to do so he did some digging. We found this awesome website, www.ourwishingwell.com, where you can write in what you need the money for and people can put a certain amount towards something specific (i.e. down payment for house, new furniture, honeymoon, etc.) It ends up working just like a normal registry without the hassle of hoping for money from everyone.

I do still have short normal registry because it's polite to have some things that people can buy for you and for my bridal shower.

Hope this helps!

knelson1982

There is a website out there where you can set up a "Honeymoon Fund"  People can contribute to it online using a credit card, it sounds cheesy but the way it is set up is actually quite nice, People donating and select options like "Dinner for 2 $60" and that is how much they contribute. 

My parents thought it was awesome when my cousin did it, and if they liked it then it can't be too bad!

allissao5

It isnt proper to ask for cash, however your parents can and if you are already living together most people will already assume that you have the things you need for your home, if you are going to have a bridal shower you should register and only put it in the bridal shower invitations were you are registered, leave the actual wedding invitation blank, and if you are not having a bridal shower dont register anywhere. People will get the point and that is not rude in any way. And if a few people get you a random gift so what, your going to make plently of cash one gift is not going to break your bank and it may be the only thing you remeber years down the road when all that money is well spent. Remeber the best things come in little packages!!!! Just enjoy your special day you waited your whole life for!!!
Bride to be in may of 2011!!

crsstina

I know all of you say its rude to ask for money but I have lived in my home for 9 years now and it is FULLY furnished and DO NOT need anything else.  He also has lived in his home for 4 years now so now we have 2 households that we have to combine into one.  So when we get married next May I do not want gifts.  This is what I am going to put on my wedding site:

Ahhh, the registry. We thought long and hard about what to register for. The thing is that we have enough kitchen gadgets to get us through the next 20 years. Of course, your presence alone is a blessing to us and everything else is just, well, icing on the cake!! So, in lieu of gifts, a wishing well will be available at the reception for your gift giving convenience.

In the invitations I am simlpy going to write: In lieu of gifts, a wishing well will be available at the reception for your gift giving convenience.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I know all of you say its rude to ask for money but I have lived in my home for 9 years now and it is FULLY furnished and DO NOT need anything else.  He also has lived in his home for 4 years now so now we have 2 households that we have to combine into one.  So when we get married next May I do not want gifts.  This is what I am going to put on my wedding site: Ahhh, the registry. We thought long and hard about what to register for. The thing is that we have enough kitchen gadgets to get us through the next 20 years. Of course, your presence alone is a blessing to us and everything else is just, well, icing on the cake!! So, in lieu of gifts, a wishing well will be available at the reception for your gift giving convenience.<strong> In the invitations I am simlpy going to write: In lieu of gifts, a wishing well will be available at the reception for your gift giving convenience.</strong>
Posted by crsstina[/QUOTE]
Please don't do this. While it may be one thing to mention cash on the registry section of your website, it's entirely another and impolite to actually put it on the wedding invitation. People will find out one way or another that you would like cash, it just shouldn't be from your wedding invite.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I don't see why it is so wrong to ask for cash. We are!  I like to think the people who are attending the wedding know us well enough to understand we are not trying to profit from the wedding. Culture is changing, many people live together before getting married so there is no need for a blender or spoons or whatever.  As my fiancée says <strong>"it is not 1954 and we have been together for 5 years if people cant handle that then they dont have to come." </strong>If everyone wants cash, why not be upfront and ask for it? I would rather use the money for a car or trip or whatever vs. the fake smile and "thank you" for a gift i will never use. It will never be okay to ask for cash if brides and grooms don't start asking,
Posted by mcgillivrayc0[/QUOTE]
Culture is changing like that, and of course people don't have to come if they're for some reason not comfortable with your living together, but that has nothing to do with asking for cash on a registry. People generally will ask you about your registry or what you're looking for. If you or your family tell people that you're saving up for whatever, it's practically guaranteed that your guests will get the hint.

Kim22star

Do you know what this website is called?? I would love to find it! My fiance and I don't really need much in the way of traditional wedding gifts and would love to "politely" ask for money to help with the honeymoon.

smt861

Who ever said "where I'm from....etc" is inappropriate.  Its 2010.  Some brides LOVE presents.  Some brides want money because they feel in control of where the money goes and or they don't like the whole sitting in front of people and opening gifts ""awkward""!.  Maybe you REALLY do not need anything because your mother already bought everything when you moved in together!  Perfect idea however, HAVE a small registry so then when its fulfilled the guests have to give you money.  The "old fashioned" guests who still believe in going out and finding a gift(s) will do it as soon as they get the invitation and the ones who really don't care or have the time will be grateful that money is just easy and that is what you wanted all along.  Not to mention! the awkwardness that some brides might feel while opening gifts is shorter because you don't open just cards at the bridal shower just like you don't open them during the wedding.  Either way have a bridal shower, even if you don't want one because you get free stuff and feel speical.  Unless your loved ones don't care if you have one.

kathrynhabibti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_etiquette-of-asking-cash-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ad77007f-5e50-4f3a-ba07-e81320657377Post:44bdbc79-3846-466b-82bf-de0115e0d750">Re: Etiquette Of Asking For Cash Wedding Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Who ever said "where I'm from....etc" is inappropriate.  Its 2010.  Some brides LOVE presents.  Some brides want money because they feel in control of where the money goes and or they don't like the whole sitting in front of people and opening gifts ""awkward""!.  Maybe you REALLY do not need anything because your mother already bought everything when you moved in together!  Perfect idea however, HAVE a small registry so then when its fulfilled the guests have to give you money.  The "old fashioned" guests who still believe in going out and finding a gift(s) will do it as soon as they get the invitation and the ones who really don't care or have the time will be grateful that money is just easy and that is what you wanted all along.  Not to mention! the awkwardness that some brides might feel while opening gifts is shorter because you don't open just cards at the bridal shower just like you don't open them during the wedding.  <strong>Either way have a bridal shower, even if you don't want one </strong>because you get free stuff and feel speical.  Unless your loved ones don't care if you have one.
Posted by smt861[/QUOTE]
That's awful advice. Why would you let someone host a shower for you (at their cost, as you cannot host your own shower), making them waste their money because you know you don't want one?