Can we register if we just have a reception?

FutureWooden

My future hubby and I have finally come to a compromise! I didn't want a wedding, I want to elope and he wants a big wedding. We are going to elope to Colorado, just the 2 of us and his children but then we will have a big reception a couple weeks after. Can we still register for gifts if we only have a reception? Would that be considered bad taste? Thanks ladies!

mgietler76

I would give you the side-eye on this one. But I also would want to see and be invited to the actual wedding, I'm weird like that.

MNVegas

Sounds gift grabby. You don't want to share your wedding day with family & friends, but then you want a big reception where people give you gifts??

Personally, I am not sure I would even waste my time going to the reception, let alone get a gift for a wedding I was not even invited to.

noodle_oo

I would definitely think it rude to register for a party.  That's what you are inviting them to since you will already be married.  It is like registering for a birthday party or a housewarming party, which I would definitely find in poor taste.

Why are you against a wedding but okay with the reception?  If you are doing a reception without the wedding, I hope you aren't planning to wear a wedding dress, do a first dance and all the other events that happen at a wedding reception because it would just seem very weird and out of place if the guests are not invited to the actual wedding.

MyNameIsNot

I wouldn't find it rude per se, but I'd give it the side eye.

It would sort of lead me to the conclusion that the purpose of the party was gifts. Since you are eloping and won't be having any showers, a registry really isn't necessary.  If people want to give gifts (any many will) they can just write you a check. 

Galaxy8227

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-register-just-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b588ee27-10bf-4e8a-a8fe-c71fc9a0fb8ePost:9806e18d-30de-4379-aaf3-479d4912e4a1">Re: Can we register if we just have a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't find it rude per se, but I'd give it the side eye. It would sort of lead me to the conclusion that the purpose of the party was gifts.<strong> Since you are eloping and won't be having any showers, a registry really isn't necessary.  If people want to give gifts (any many will) they can just write you a check. 
</strong>Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-register-just-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b588ee27-10bf-4e8a-a8fe-c71fc9a0fb8ePost:449b92f5-70c6-4f5b-80a1-8c98c0f1d9c1">Re: Can we register if we just have a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You know - no one holds a gun to someone's head and forces them to buy you items whether you register or not.  So my thinking is - register. If someone wants to give you a gift they will either buy off register or seek our your registry and buy something  there and those who don't want to buy you something won't.</strong>   Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

kellya01

If you do a registry, people might use that as an idea for a gift if they want to bring one for your reception.  Also, they may use that as a mechanism for getting appropriate gifts for you in the future -- Christmas, Birthdays, Housewarming, etc.  It's easier to have a registry just in case someone wants to give a gift, rather than fielding a bunch of phone calls about "what do you want" or even worse -- getting gifts that wouldn't match your sense of style or decor for you home.  The sentiment is really nice, and you wouldn't be unappreciative, but it's like someone buying you a piece of Lenox china that doesn't match your set, because they don't know what you have.  It can be a headache to return and purchase in the right pattern or design. 

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-register-just-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b588ee27-10bf-4e8a-a8fe-c71fc9a0fb8ePost:eff33c1c-5dfb-4243-aa29-804d65190345">Can we register if we just have a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My future hubby and I have finally come to a compromise! I didn't want a wedding, I want to elope and he wants a big wedding. We are going to elope to Colorado, just the 2 of us and his children but then we will have a big reception a couple weeks after. Can we still register for gifts if we only have a reception? Would that be considered bad taste? Thanks ladies!
Posted by FutureWooden[/QUOTE]

The primary purpose of a reception is to thank guests for coming to the ceremony.  If you're not inviting people to the ceremony, then what's the point of the reception?  IMO it does seem gift-grabby, whether that is your intent or not, and like some of the PPs, I would side-eye this, especially if you're registering for gifts.

sramsey51796

I agree with those that said register.  If people do want to give you a gift-and many if not all will- then they will want to know what to get you.  I think its fine to have an at home reception as well.  You are still allowing people to celebrate your union.  Its just the concept of a destination wedding.  I think it is completely fine. If someone is againt the thought of not coming to the actual ceremony but having a recpetion, then they won't come.  And honestly why wuold you want someone thats going to give you 'the side eye' and bring down your happiness there? Just register and enjoy your reception! =]

sramsey51796

Just because you register DOES'T mean you expect people to get you a gift.  Its just a list of what you want/need in case they want to give you a gift. 

ArmyBridePrincess08

Do it if it you want.
Don't worry about what other people think. One persons (Bad Taste) is another persons (Classy) lol!. My husband and I got married before he deployed at the JOP. When he got back we had a Vow renewal/Big Wedding and registered for gifts. Don't worry about others opinions if they don't like it they can always stay home.

lynnmfrank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-register-just-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b588ee27-10bf-4e8a-a8fe-c71fc9a0fb8ePost:eff33c1c-5dfb-4243-aa29-804d65190345">Can we register if we just have a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My future hubby and I have finally come to a compromise! I didn't want a wedding, I want to elope and he wants a big wedding. We are going to elope to Colorado, just the 2 of us and his children but then we will have a big reception a couple weeks after. Can we still register for gifts if we only have a reception? Would that be considered bad taste? Thanks ladies!
Posted by FutureWooden[/QUOTE]

I think it depends upon how your friends and family feel about it. 

My Fi and I were going to go with the "small and tasteful" ceremony, minimal reception with just a few folks, but alot of our friends told us they were crashing anyway.  Then, once the reception was scheduled, people kept asking us for gift ideas.

We broke down and registered for some kitchen items we needed to replace at Williams-Sonoma, keeping it to one vendor with affordable choices (our tableware set is only $48 per setting) and wrote on our registry web page: "The most important gift we could receive is having you with us on January 16."

No one has looked at us side-ways and we've made it clear to people that we have no expectations whatsoever, regarding them purchasing anything for us.

Hope this helps.

lynnmfrank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_can-register-just-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b588ee27-10bf-4e8a-a8fe-c71fc9a0fb8ePost:449b92f5-70c6-4f5b-80a1-8c98c0f1d9c1">Re: Can we register if we just have a reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]You know - no one holds a gun to someone's head and forces them to buy you items whether you register or not.  So my thinking is - register. If someone wants to give you a gift they will either buy off register or seek our your registry and buy something  there and those who don't want to buy you something won't.   I don't give checks. I give gifts.  So the statement that those who want to give you something will just write a check is not always correct, it is for some but not for all of us. I used DDs registry (married in September) and FDIL's registry (wedding this April) to do some Christmas shopping yesterday.  It was beneficial to me because I know it's things they want.  It's not just for a "the party" so registries can provide more than just a way to purchase gifts for receptions and showers.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

I whole-heartedly agree with this.   I think there is alot of judging going on within The Knot message boards and there seem to be an overwhelmingly large group of people who express disdain for small or private ceremonies.  You can spot them easily because their  judgement is usually followed by the "you can't register" admonishment. 

Wedding celebrations no longer follow the harsh protocol they once did--even in the 1970's and 80's.  Remarriage is common and so are smaller, more economical ceremonies.  Applying old standards and customs to today's changing relationship styles, and to real people's lives, is pretty harsh and totally unecessary.

I say register away.  You aren't forcing anyone to buy anything and someone who wants to give you something will appreciate knowing what you want.

wrdgirl

Help me understand...

Why is it ok to register if you have a wedding ceremony but not ok if you don't have one?

Why are couples who are already living together but not married, who will have a wedding ceremony be allowed to register when couples that have a small legal marriage before a reception a few months before not allowed?

Makes no sense imo.

sister2groom

wrdgirl: I can see why registering for an at-home reception seems reasonable, and honestly it wouldn't bother me that much if a good friend did, it just has the potential to come across as greedy if you're not VERY careful.

There's nothing wrong with a tiny wedding, but I feel having an intimate wedding then a large reception with all the trimmings of a large wedding (like a huge registry) seems like you want your cake and want to eat it too. You'd be depriving your guests of the most special part of your celebration, the wedding ceremony, but by implication expecting them to still buy you gifts as if they had been full participants of your wedding day.

At the very least I would register for only a small number of items, if you have 100 guests at the reception and register for 100 gifts it looks like you expect most of your guests to get a gift. I think the best thing to do if you really want to register is to not post your registry info anywhere (not even on the website, although I'm not sure you have wedding websites for non-weddings???)so that ONLY those guests who ask directly about it, and therefore presumably wouldn't be offended by it, would know about it.