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FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!

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Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:07f1dc16-9541-4fd3-944a-355a9ddd43d6">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm on aloisk's side here.  There is no reason to register for things you don't want or need. <strong> She can't possibly accommodate every guest's shopping abilities - and isn't expected to do so by etiquette.</strong>  Think about it.... "Oh, dear.  There isn't a Crate and Barrel near Aunt Josephine.  All they have in her town is Sears, so I better go register there so she'll have a place to shop.  Uncle Billy won't shop anywhere but Ace Hardware, so I need to register there.  Mom insists on Macy's, so I'll register there...." It gets ridiculous.  Certainly some guests will shrug and decide they don't want to shop at the nearest Crate and Barrel, 40 miles away, or go online.....but that's going to happen to most brides anyway. She's not being rude by not registering at a store she doesn't want.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely agree.  But this is how she will end up with 8 picture frames or crystal vases from Macys with no option other than store exchange. And then she'll be back after the shower complaining about it. 

    As PP's mentioned, I find it very difficult that OP cannot find enough nice things at Macys to make a decent registry. I LOVE C&B, but if it made it easier for my guests I know I could quite easily find enough quality items at Macy's to create a registry. Appliances, towels, sheets, etc.

    For myself, I love the Pottery Barn serveware.  We chose not to register at Pottery Barn  and we are simply not registerd for serveware at the store we did choose.  We'll buy it later if we are fortunate enough to get cash gifts or we'll buy it with our own money.  My registry still has plenty of items.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:07f1dc16-9541-4fd3-944a-355a9ddd43d6">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm on aloisk's side here.  There is no reason to register for things you don't want or need.  She can't possibly accommodate every guest's shopping abilities - and isn't expected to do so by etiquette.  Think about it.... "Oh, dear.  There isn't a Crate and Barrel near Aunt Josephine.  All they have in her town is Sears, so I better go register there so she'll have a place to shop.  Uncle Billy won't shop anywhere but Ace Hardware, so I need to register there.  Mom insists on Macy's, so I'll register there...." It gets ridiculous.  Certainly some guests will shrug and decide they don't want to shop at the nearest Crate and Barrel, 40 miles away, or go online.....but that's going to happen to most brides anyway. She's not being rude by not registering at a store she doesn't want.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Honestly, I would agree with you if the OP hadn't made the bratty comment that she purposefully took stuff off her Macy's registry to try and force people to shop at C&B. Because she can't get cash for returning stuff at Macy's.</div><div>
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  • edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:07f1dc16-9541-4fd3-944a-355a9ddd43d6">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm on aloisk's side here.  There is no reason to register for things you don't want or need.  She can't possibly accommodate every guest's shopping abilities - and isn't expected to do so by etiquette.  Think about it.... "Oh, dear.  There isn't a Crate and Barrel near Aunt Josephine.  All they have in her town is Sears, so I better go register there so she'll have a place to shop.  Uncle Billy won't shop anywhere but Ace Hardware, so I need to register there.  Mom insists on Macy's, so I'll register there...." It gets ridiculous.  Certainly some guests will shrug and decide they don't want to shop at the nearest Crate and Barrel, 40 miles away, or go online.....but that's going to happen to most brides anyway. She's not being rude by not registering at a store she doesn't want.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree that you don't have to register at a store to suit every guest, but I don't think it's fair to complain about guests not being willing to shop online or go to the store where you registered.  You absolutely shouldn't register for what you don't want.  But at some point, if there aren't that many things you want, you shouldn't be accepting showers (OP accepted 2 showers from her FMIL's friends alone).</div>
  • spartybride3spartybride3 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    She should not have to sacrifice the items they want for their home & register at a store just because it's located where people live. We did Macys & c&B and neither of those stores are anywhere near where my family lives. There is only 1 c & b in michigan, which isn't hard for most people in detroit to get to. People either gave us a gift card (which you can get at most grocery stores), or they shopped online. 90% of our wedding & shower gifts were sent to us via online shopping. 

    It's your home, not your mother in-laws or any one elses. Register for what you want


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  • But that's just it - she isn't sacrificing. she intentionally moved things off of the Macy's registry so people will HAVE to go to C&B.  That's a bratty move.
  • Eh, I am kind of on OP's side, if for no other reason than it's her shower, her wedding, and she has the right to register for whateverthehell and whereverthehell she pleases.  Registries are a wish list, and she wishes for things from C&B.

    Likewise, her guests can either buy her and her FI the things she really wants, from the store selling them, and they can do it online... or not.  In which case, OP will most likely smile politely, write a nice thank you note, and either incorporate the items into her home, regift, or donate.

    I think FMIL was within her rights to suggest a store the guests might find more convenient, but her input ends there.

    I don't see why this has turned into a 2 page thread.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:1167593d-8168-48e1-b129-5aed3b50469e">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eh, I am kind of on OP's side, if for no other reason than it's her shower, her wedding, and she has the right to register for whateverthehell and whereverthehell she pleases.  Registries are a wish list, and she wishes for things from C&B. Likewise, her guests can either buy her and her FI the things she really wants, from the store selling them, and they can do it online... or not.  In which case, OP will most likely smile politely, write a nice thank you note, and either incorporate the items into her home, regift, or donate. I think FMIL was within her rights to suggest a store the guests might find more convenient, but her input ends there. I don't see why this has turned into a 2 page thread.
    Posted by Jessie42613[/QUOTE]

    I agree that she can register for whatever she wants.  The reason why most people have responded is because she intentionally moved things from the registry that is more convenient for several of her guests (and that FMIL recommended) just to spite them.  Then she was irritated when she found out she wouldn't just get cash back from the Macy's registry.  No, she shouldn't have to accommodate every guest, but having a little consideration will go a long way for her getting things she actually needs or wants. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:42ce9bb1-018d-4b4b-8208-2458bb462160">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : I agree that she can register for whatever she wants.  The reason why most people have responded is because she intentionally moved things from the registry that is more convenient for several of her guests (and that FMIL recommended)<strong> just to spite them.  Then she was irritated when she found out she wouldn't just get cash back from the Macy's registry.</strong>  No, she shouldn't have to accommodate every guest, but having a little consideration will go a long way for her getting things she actually needs or wants. 
    Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

    I'm missing the part where I did anything to "spite people" and where I became irritated that I found out I couldn't get cash back?  I appreciate the input but I think people are making a lot bigger deal out of this than necessary.  We registered for what we needed from Macy's and C&B.  The registery sizes are about equal so I moved some of the smaller, less expensive items over to C&B to make that list a little more robust.  I'm not being spiteful and I'm not trying to take anyone's cash.  I honestly did not think it was a big deal when I found out that there wasn't a C&B in their town because I figured shipping costs were as much as it would be in gas to get to their Macy's.  I didn't realize people wanted to feel things, because I figured it was already picked out, so "feeling the item" was not really necessary - I apologize for not knowing that.
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  • A registry is supposed to give guests an idea of gifts the couple would like, but it's not a required shopping list. If her guests don't want to shop at CB, or online - they don't have to. They can give her money, or gift cards, or (GASP!) actually pick out something they think she might like. Or-- they don't have to give her anything.

    It's completely insane that brides on here are trying to argue that it's more "polite" to register where her guests tell her to register, so that she in return can tell them what to buy for her. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:82da95d1-cbac-45ff-b220-30e9c306ea7a">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]A registry is supposed to give guests an idea of gifts the couple would like, but it's not a required shopping list. If her guests don't want to shop at CB, or online - they don't have to. They can give her money, or gift cards, or (GASP!) actually pick out something they think she might like. Or-- they don't have to give her anything. It's completely insane that brides on here are trying to argue that it's more "polite" to register where her guests tell her to register, so that she in return can tell them what to buy for her. 
    Posted by mrskristinyc[/QUOTE]

    No, what is insane is this bride throwing a tempter tantrum because the shower guests do not want to shop on line and then moving registry items off the one at the store they can shop at to force them to the one they cannot.  I can also guarantee, she'll be throwing another temper tantrum when her guests get her gifts not on her registry.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I don't think you need to register for stuff you don't need at Macy's, but as a frequent C&B and Macy's shopped I don't see much that you couldn't move to the Macy's registry - particularly of kitchen goods.  I would actually keep the C&B registry small (mostly to things with a decorative nature) and appliances, kitchen gadgets and that stuff at Macy's.  

    And while I wouldn't quite call it rude to not think of your guests' comfort when choosing a store, I would call it inconsiderate.  They are already taking out their precious time to choose a gift (which can take forever!  I've had four weddings this summer and I feel like I've wasted too much time at BBB) and to show up to support you, so yes, you're being a jerk for not making that process easy for them.
  • I don't think OP is being bratty at all. She registered for the things she actually wants. Why would she go create a registry at Macys, just to fill it up with gifts she has no intention of using, and may not even have the space for. This is 2012, online shopping will not kill you. Many PP's stated that they like to feel the gift before they give it. If fondling an unopened package is so important, then have it shipped to your home the week before the shower/wedding to sate your needs. Most places offer free shipping if you spend a certain amount, and you would have to spend money on gas anyway if you were going to an actual store. 
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