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Registry and Gift Forum
jcio9
member
HELP please!! Question about registering!
Heres our story in a nutshell:
Me and my husband are military and after canceling wedding preparations numerous times due to multiple curcumstances, we got married in small chapel on post last July and had about 15 friends in attendance, no family (my father was sick and we didnt want everyone there if he couldnt be there) - the entire time we had intentions of planning a renewal of vows ceremony, when my dad got better and time allowed, that would look just like a traditional wedding with everyone in attendance for the first time - its going to be this August and I DO NOT KNOW proper etiquette on registering for gifts. My wedding planner says I should since no one really attended our wedding and those that did we asked that no gifts be brought. I just feel bad and dont want people being like "ugh! We had to fly out to Savannah AND give a gift? Theyre already married!"What to do? To register or not to register?! Help!
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Re: HELP please!! Question about registering!
[QUOTE]That's the thing, I never had the chance to be the 'proverbial bride' the first time, no dress, no cake, no reception, no bridal showers, nothing. Which yes, is a choice we made but due to unfortunate life circumstances and a life in the military we had to make sacrifices and we are trying to go about this the right way. Vow renewal etiquette is very different in our curcumstance but thank you for the link. I just wanted to get some second opinions on registration as I do not feel comfortable doing it but friends and my planner say I should. I thank you both for your input.
Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]
It is unfortunate for your circumstances, but your wedding day has already passed. Your a wife, and what you are having is a vow renewal, like PP said. So if your really going about this the right way, plan your vow renewal as a vow renewal. No shower, no registering, no PPD.
[QUOTE]That's the thing, I never had the chance to be the 'proverbial bride' the first time, no dress, no cake, no reception, no bridal showers, nothing. Which yes, is a choice we made but due to unfortunate life circumstances and a life in the military we had to make sacrifices and we are trying to go about this the right way. <strong>Vow renewal etiquette is very different in our curcumstance</strong> but thank you for the link. I just wanted to get some second opinions on registration as I do not feel comfortable doing it but friends and my planner say I should. I thank you both for your input.
Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]
No, it's not. It's just like every other vow renewal. No showers, no bachelor/bachelorette parties, no wedding party. Generally no PPD accoutrement.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP please!! Question about registering! : No, it isn't. Few few people get their dream wedding in their perfect set of circumstances. Yes, being in the military imposes a set of hardships, but it is a choice, and being an adult means making choices and dealing with the consequences. Your wedding planner wants you to spend money so she gets a nice commission, she doesn't care about how you look or your guests feel. You can't have a wedding do over without looking ridiculous. My HS only gave each student 2 tickets for graduation, so when I graduated only my parents were there, no one else in my giant, close Italian family. Doesn't mean I wore my cap and gown, hired actors to play graduates and principal and strutted across a makeshift stage to receive my "diploma" at the BBQ my parents hosted for me the next weekend. That would have been ridiculous. So would re-enacting a wedding when you are already married. Renew your vows, have an awesome party, but don't have a fake wedding.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry at what point did she say a fake wedding? It's called a renewal of vows because no family was able to join, maybe their families care and want to be a part of their special day, oh and a HS graduation and. Wedding or renewal of vows aren't even remotely similar but thanks for playin.
[QUOTE]Sorry sweetheart, but you aren't entitled to all the perks of a traditional, large wedding. Nobody is. The only thing you need to get married are two people, your marriage license, an officient, and maybe a witness or two (depending on the state). You had all that. You are married. I personally think some of your guests will feel you are being a bit ridiculous by doing everything over - the gown, the wedding party, etc. I would certainly think that, and I absolutely would t be buying you a gift for a vow renewal. Like LIatris said, the military is a choice, your wedding was a choice, and part of being an adult is living with the consequences of your choices. There is not a special set of etiquette rules for you. Your wedding day is over, and while you can have a lovely vow renewal, these are not gift giving occassions. Also? Of COURSE your "wedding planner" is asking you to spend money. That is the #1 priority of her job. We call this bias. She is not going to give you guidelines that follow the rules of etiquette if those rules happen to result in you or other people spending less money.
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
sorry "sweetheart" she's not talking about a lesion due to herpes. This "consequence of your decisions" talk you have going is actually pretty comical. Unfortunately you're not as fortunate as she is to have the opportunity to do it with their families included but she is do quit pissin in the wind with your nonsense.
[QUOTE] ALL I wanted was confirmation that I should not be registering because I was not comfortable with it but have been getting the opposite answer from everyone else and figured I'd try to get an unbiased opinion. Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You are correct - you should not register.
</div>
[QUOTE]The part that's ridiculous is that she's asking about a gift registry and yet people come on here giving their two cents about the ceremony itself. <strong>Don't dish out your two cents about something no one asked for. And why when asking about the etiquette of the situation is she attacked like were back in high school? Bunch of teenage girls...</strong>
Posted by MrsBlack86[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Hey bride who's only made three posts and is already telling the regulars not to give their two cents when no one asked for it (uhhhhh, irony at all?) and then comparing everyone to a bunch of high school girls? You're the equivolent of someone who shows up to a new activity that everyone else has already been involved with and telling everyone to change for her. Do yourself a favor and scamper off to wedding bee, your prissy little brand of butthurt isn't going to last long around here.</div>
[QUOTE]That's the thing, I never had the chance to be the 'proverbial bride' the first time, no dress, no cake, no reception, no bridal showers, nothing. Which yes, is a choice we made but due to unfortunate life circumstances and a life in the military we had to make sacrifices and we are trying to go about this the right way. <strong>Vow renewal etiquette is very different in our curcumstance but thank you for the link. </strong>I just wanted to get some second opinions on registration as I do not feel comfortable doing it but friends and my planner say I should. I thank you both for your input.
Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]
Sure. Go take this for a spin on the Military Brides board and see how well it goes over.
[QUOTE]I DO NOT KNOW proper etiquette on registering for gifts. My wedding planner says I should since no one really attended our wedding and those that did we asked that no gifts be brought. I just feel bad and dont want people being like "ugh! We had to fly out to Savannah AND give a gift? Theyre already married!"What to do? To register or not to register?! Help!
Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]
You answered your own question: ugh! We had to fly out to Savannah AND give a gift? They're already married. Yeah, don't register.
Orginal poster: I think you should do whatever YOU want to do and feel is right. Forget your planner and the people on the board.
[QUOTE]I'm married to a vet. Your circumstances don't give you a special privilege. No, it's NOT appropriate to register. It's also not appropriate to have the re-do vow renewal in order to get your pretty princess day, either. Generations of military families made their choice, and lived with the result. They had the wedding they could have at the time, and were happy with the joy of being married, or waited until they could have the Big White Wedding with all the bells and whistles. You ask for opinions by the act of posting. The answers you received were honest AND correct. If you don't believe us, then please feel free to ask the other military wives on the military brides board.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I couldnt agree more. I hate when people use the miiltary as a reason why they didnt have a traditional wedding. My cousin & her husband are both in the army and they were when they got married as well. We planned a traditional wedding in a small church in 3 weeks, bc thats what she wanted. It can be done.
[QUOTE]That's the thing, I never had the chance to be the 'proverbial bride' the first time, no dress, no cake, no reception, no bridal showers, nothing. Which yes, is a choice we made but due to unfortunate life circumstances and a life in the military we had to make sacrifices and we are trying to go about this the right way. Vow renewal etiquette is very different in our curcumstance but thank you for the link. I just wanted to get some second opinions on registration as I do not feel comfortable doing it but friends and my planner say I should. I thank you both for your input. <div>Posted by jcio9[/QUOTE]
</div><div>I live in San Diego and have several friends and family members in the military. People who do not have military in their families may feel jipped about not being invited to the actual wedding, but have your family members in charge of taking questions explain that due to unfortunate circumstances, you could not have the wedding you really wanted, but would really like them to share in the celebration of your marriage. </div><div>
</div><div>A lot of military people out here opt for a small marriage ceremony and then have a big one when time allows, plus you had family matters that hindered you as well; it's not like you wouldn't have invited them to the first time if you could have.</div><div>
</div><div>In my opinion, you can register if you want to, but if you don't feel like it don't.</div>