But I wont use it! I need advice, please

DanielleZZ

Ok so i just had my shower 2 weeks ago and we got so many great things that we love and have been using everyday, yea!
My problem is that my aunt is complaining to me about my wedding registry because she says i dont have any "nice" items on it.  FI and I are very cheap people and want practical items.  (I also have anxiety issues and if i spend to much money on something I will hide it somewhere because i become way to worried about breaking it.)  My aunt says we need to register for crystal so that people can buy us "special, nice" things for our wedding.  I have tried to tell her that we will never use it and would much rather have the everyday things that we NEED instead of something i will constantly worry about breaking.  I realize we should want things for our wedding that are nicer than what we would buy ourselves and we have upgraded a few things but crystal is just not us!
What should I do?    PLEASE help!!

jagore08

Upgrade your vacuum, dishes (there's everyday china), bedding, accessories like vases, picture frames for your wedding photos...

kristinanddan

Crystal certainly isn't for everyone, neither is silver for that matter. If you don't think you'll use it, don't register for it. We didn't, because we know we won't really use it, and I know I'll be inheriting either my mom's crystal or silver someday.

We did register for everyday china. It's nicer than what we would buy ourselves, but we still use it every day. Also, things like towels and sheets, or a cool kitchen gadget or two.

flamingtwig72

I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find use for a nice picture frame or a nice vase. I'd put just a few, well-chosen items on there for those people who want to buy you a nice gift AND to prevent those same people from going off on their own and getting something you absolutely hate.

KatiScarlet

You asked for advice....

I have to ask, how old are you?  I'm not trying to be rude, it's just that your needs now likely don't reflect what you'll want in the future.  I was like you back in my 20s, and I didn't even trust myself with nice things let alone think I'd ever use them.  Now I'm 35 and really look forward to when I can use the fancy wine glasses I treated myself to. 

It doesn't have to be crystal.  Think about what your needs might be like in 5, 10 or 15 years.  Will you want to host holiday dinners for friends or family?  Will you want to have really nice serving platters for special meals or birthday cakes? What about one beautiful set of napkin rings and table linens? It might not be stuff you use all the time, but think about things that will make special occasions even more special.  

Yes you will get mostly the practical stuff you're hoping for, and the nice thing about a registry is that anyone who feels something fancy is important to give for a wedding can give it.

strlzfan11

I agree with the PPs, but I have to ask one question.  If you're not married yet, why are you using gifts from the shower?

DanielleZZ

Katiscarlet: I am 22, and I see your point and it makes sense.  However if you knew me more personally you would understand that there is more to the breaking thing its just a really long involved story. 

We have registered for upgrades on all our small appliances, 700 thread count sheet sets, napkin rings, bath towels (i would have never bought myself), table linens, serving utensils.  We have nice serving platters that my parents bought us when we moved in together because we love to entertain.  Also my parents are retiring and moving in a few years and we will be getting their china.

The other issue (aside from my anxiety) is that my FI's younger brother lives with us who is mentally impaired and he throws a lot of tantrums so I dont leave a lot picture frames/vases/breakable decor sitting out. 

You have all had great suggestions and I thank you!!!!  I just feel like I do have some nice and expensive gifts on the registry but she just keeps asking for crystal.  I guess I will just put a few pieces on there to make her happy.

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_but-wont-use-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ca3ad829-5efb-432f-af92-866fee14588cPost:ff95c586-5cfd-495d-a995-9bd63af99fae">Re: But I wont use it! I need advice, please</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with the PPs, but I have to ask one question.  If you're not married yet, why are you using gifts from the shower?
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

Maybe it's just my family but everyone I've known uses them right away.  I didn't know people didn't.

stephasuasu

Danielle, learn how to accept a nice gift, and when you get one, use it often. Don't hide it away! That is the same as women that buy nice clothes and only save them for special occasions. Why? Thats silly. And OF COURSE it is okay for you to use your shower gifts after your shower and before your wedding. Why let them collect dust in a corner? What guest would want their gift to sit around and not get any use? weird.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_but-wont-use-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ca3ad829-5efb-432f-af92-866fee14588cPost:8a7a9b24-92db-41ed-9f59-c0ffeb9becd1">Re: But I wont use it! I need advice, please</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: But I wont use it! I need advice, please : Maybe it's just my family but everyone I've known uses them right away.  I didn't know people didn't.
Posted by DanielleZZ[/QUOTE]

Some people do use wedding gifts prior to the wedding.  However, it's not usually considered good form because 1. it's for the marriage, and 2. if the wedding gets cancelled for any reason, you'll need to return the gifts to the people who gave them to you just as new and in the package as the way you received them.

ETA:  If you just don't like crystal, go with the bean-dip suggestion of PPs.  However, if the reason for not having nice things is because of your FBIL and anxiety, is there a way to place breakables in places where your FBIL can't get to it and you would have a harder time dwelling on it, like high shelves, locked away somewhere, etc.?

[Deleted User]

Upgrading is probably the best idea.

If fine china/ crystal vases / silver that needs polishing isn't your thing right now then let it be. Splurge on sheets for example....everybody can appriciate soft sheets!

Dont let anybody make you question your current taste in home decor. And dont register for expenive things like a crystal vase just to have something expensive on there. Make sure you truely want and will love everything on there.

noodle_oo

We didn't register for anything like crystal or that was too expensive because we just didn't need/want it.  If you want to make your aunt happy, maybe add one piece (that you like!) and keep it safe until you can use it.  But if you really won't ever use it or want it, then don't do it just for her.  Just tell her that crystal isn't your taste right now and there are plenty of other things on the registry.

One nice thing to register for that is pretty hard to break is really nice pots and pans!  If you cook, those are invaluable!  Just remember that it is your registry and it is only up to you and your FI what you put on there. I agree with being practical:  we'll get way more use out of our Calphalon pans then we will out of any piece of crystal.  And I'm also clumsy and would be heartbroken to break something so expensive.

Best of luck to you! 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_but-wont-use-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ca3ad829-5efb-432f-af92-866fee14588cPost:0a38f155-8064-4479-9ddd-c66ed07482e1">Re: But I wont use it! I need advice, please</a>:
[QUOTE]One nice thing to register for that is pretty hard to break is really nice pots and pans!  If you cook, those are invaluable! 
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

Thats a good suggestion too! I'm most excited about my All Clad and Le Creuset. I cook every night and we constantly have friends over for dinner - good quality cookware that we cook your meals perfectly are priceless.

Another thing to think about - knives. we registered for a nice block set. Knives last a life time and never go out of style and a good set is uber important to have.

sister2groom

I don't have much to add, maybe just expand a little more what you want, like in additon to sheets, maybe really nice pillows or other bedding. I also second nice knives.

But the main thing I wanted to say is I think it's awesome you're willing to have your FI's brother live with you, that's really big of you.

Good luck with everything.

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_but-wont-use-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ca3ad829-5efb-432f-af92-866fee14588cPost:b7007ab8-3625-4e6c-8d0f-f6b2c70336b1">Re: But I wont use it! I need advice, please</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have much to add, maybe just expand a little more what you want, like in additon to sheets, maybe really nice pillows or other bedding. I also second nice knives.<strong> But the main thing I wanted to say is I think it's awesome you're willing to have your FI's brother live with you, that's really big of you. Good luck with everything.
</strong>Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

Thanks! We are just making the change and it was a big step for us, I'm actually in the process of quitting my job to stay home and work full time with him (I work as a behavioral therapist so its kind of like working from home with a family member instead of going into someone else's home).  I knew 7 years ago when we started dating that we would take this step eventually so we've kind of always been preparing for it.  He is a really good kid but just has some anger issues so I don't want to worry about him or myself breaking some expensive wedding gift and then worry how the person would feel if they found out.

We did register for nice pots/pans and knives and received them at the shower : ).  I think that maybe my aunt just really likes crystal and thinks I will want some eventually.  Even though I love her it is normal for her to push certain things on people.  No other family members have said anything bad about my registry and my parent even think she is pushing to hard, she has had opinions about all areas of my wedding.  I think I will just put a couple pieces on that I do find pretty so that she will stop.

<u>Wow sorry this kind of became long! lol
Thanks everyone for your great suggestions, I appreciate all of you knowledgeable knotties out there!!!!!</u>

Galaxy8227

It's your registry, if you don't think you'll use it, then don't register for it. 

ChickenOnSunday

I work for Williams Sonoma. One part of my job is helping newly engaged couples start a gift registry.  On the flip side, I also help friends who are trying to buy a gift off of the registries. One of my biggest pet peeves...is when people judge the items on a registry. I often hear, "there isn't anything good on this" or "well, I"m not getting that b/c they won't ever use it."  So frustrating. Wedding guests, it isn't your gift registry. Who cares if you agree with the items on it. Either buy them something, get them a gift card, or quit wasting my time.

End rant. Thank you for reading.