Registry and Gift Forum

Should I have a registry?

We originally eloped while out of state from most family and friends during a crisis. Due to the "life and death" nature of our situation, we realized time is too short to wait until we could manage a formal wedding to do the legal part, so we did. We even self-officiated, so there was literally nobody else there. One family member sent a monetary gift. It took over a year for it to get to all of our family and friends that we'd gotten married, and we still come across people that ask if we're 'actually' married. We then moved about 11 times in 3 years and have slowly settled, but with adding a kid and college, we are still on a lot of hand-me-downs in our apartment and missing a lot of life-starters.

Now, on our five year anniversary, we're doing a "reaffirmation" and "vow finalization" - actually doing vows with a minister and having the event we apparently offended a lot of people by skipping. While we're skimming out certain traditions like the bachelor party, is a registry appropriate here? Honestly, I just assumed no, but then I realized the etiquette can be a bit shady here, since we never had one in the first place, so it's not like a typical vow renewal or second wedding. I don't want to make it awkward for people who want to give gifts (which is a common thing, especially in my husband's family, who will probably bring gifts anyway), or for people who don't because there wasn't a registry.

Thanks in advance!

Re: Should I have a registry?

  • You can always make a registry, and then if people ask, tell them about it.  You shouldn't advertise a registry, anyway.  I would keep it fairly small, relative to your guest list--I think it would be weird to look up a registry for a vow renewal and see tons of things on there.  

  • hoffsehoffse member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-i-have-a-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d2a1ece3-2b28-4fab-8283-cdccf41a0752Post:42cae9da-03a2-4a08-bd5d-f52022dfb378">Re: Should I have a registry?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can always make a registry, and then if people ask, tell them about it.  You shouldn't advertise a registry, anyway.  I would keep it fairly small, relative to your guest list--I think it would be weird to look up a registry for a vow renewal and see tons of things on there.  
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I agree with this advice - I don't think it's strange to see large registries for brides, but I would think it odd to see a large registry for a vow renewal.  Before registering, I would make a list of "must haves" as opposed to "like to haves" and keep it limited to your must-have list - and by "must haves" I mean things you would honestly buy yourself if/when the time comes that funds are available.

    </div>
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  • That's most likely what we'd be doing anyway, just the bits we're missing that would transform us from having mismatched pieces to looking more on purpose. For example, our kitchen towels are everything from vineyard theme to sunflowers to cows. It'd be nice to have a matching set for entertaining. We created one for baby & so many things were shipped to us by family & handed down from friends that I didn't feel it appropriate to have a baby shower. I don't even expect people to ask, most will just go look us up.

    Thanks very much!
  • If you do create a small gift list, be sure to check on it to ensure your guests aren't out of options if people do start buying things up.

    Good luck with everything!
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