Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?

Jdunk2008

We have lived together for several years and own a lot of household items that are usually registered. What is a good way to include on the invitation that instead of buying us a gift, we would prefer money contribution towards buying a house?
Could we be straight forward and include that on the invitation?
Thanks

eneh2012

Requesting cash on your invite honestly might have the opposite effect. I receieved an invite with a very blunt request for cash and I made sure I gave them anything but cash.  Some guests may find that off putting so the best thing to do is have a small registry and others will get the hint that you want cash.  It's a wedding people give cash.  

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-registeryhow-do-we-ask-for-money-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d90ddf63-41cd-471a-9ba0-a3adf9c288aePost:08d6d90a-661e-4170-8423-618e4f802026">Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?</a>:
[QUOTE]We have lived together for several years and own a lot of household items that are usually registered. What is a good way to include on the invitation that instead of buying us a gift, we would prefer money contribution towards buying a house? Could we be straight forward and include that on the invitation? Thanks
Posted by Jdunk2008[/QUOTE]
No mention of gifts should ever be included on a wedding invitation.... ever.  If you really feel that you have all the things you need in your home (no upgrades, no small kitchen appliances, no more towels or bed linens) then just don't register.  If anyone asks about your registry you can politely say that you're saving up for XYZ.  <div>
</div><div>However, I suggest that you make a small registry for those that don't like to give a monetary gift and might just give you some random thing.  For one month keep a note pad around the house and whenever you come across something that you would like or could make things easier around the house write it down.  You'd be surprised at what you come up with at the end of the month.  Don't forget extras of things (like towels and sheets) and upgrades that you wouldn't really think of purchasing for yourself.</div>

Maddie1225

You shouldn't ever put anything about gifts or registries on your invites. This info can be included on a wedding website or be spread through word of mouth, etc. There's no polite way to request cash. I would register at one place and make the list small - your guests will get the hint. Also, some people dislike giving cash, and they'll have options if you do at least a small registry.

erinjeremygoulder

I don't think asking for cash is any different than asking for pots and dishes. I've given cash as a wedding gift many times, and would rather the couple get what they want- because I love and suppor them. 

My fiance and I are also saving for a house, but we also do need some household items. We're registering for a few things and ALSO including a cute blurb on our website registry page saying "we're saving for "Baileys Backyard Fund" - our dog/House fund If you'd like to contribute, we'd be so grateful" We're pretty upfont with our friends' and family and I don't think its rude- but thats me. Though we are registering for other things too, so for those who want to buy a gift, they can

Do what you want, there are no rules...these are all people who love you most..... 

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-registeryhow-do-we-ask-for-money-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d90ddf63-41cd-471a-9ba0-a3adf9c288aePost:d28ba8d5-eca0-4d81-94e7-9d581ad6c013">Re: Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think asking for cash is any different than asking for pots and dishes. I've given cash as a wedding gift many times, and would rather the couple get what they want- because I love and suppor them.  My fiance and I are also saving for a house, but we also do need some household items. We're registering for a few things and ALSO including a cute blurb on our website registry page saying "we're saving for "Baileys Backyard Fund" - our dog/House fund :) If you'd like to contribute, we'd be so grateful" We're pretty upfont with our friends' and family and I don't think its rude- but thats me. Though we are registering for other things too, so for those who want to buy a gift, they can <strong>Do what you want, there are no rules</strong>...these are all people who love you most..... 
Posted by erinjeremygoulder[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, there are rules.</div><div>
</div><div>Asking for cash is rude.  You are not unique - <em>most</em> people getting married these days have been on their own for some time and don't need a typical registry.  That doesn't make it rude rude rude to ask for money - you do that with an invoice, not a wedding invitation.</div><div>
</div><div>BTW - I don't even have to see your website to tell you that your demand for cash isn't cute, even though you named it after your dog and I love dogs to pieces.  I wouldn't give you a damn thing.</div>

MNVegas

OP, do you really think you situation is special or unique? It is not, many people are in the same boat, however, it is never appropriate to ask you guest to give you cash. It is even more rude to put that request in writing in your invitations!

Do a small registry for people who want to give a boxed gift and other will put cash in a card. It really isn't that complicated.

Simply_Caitlin

I just stated this in another thread on another board.  This is where your bridesmaids and moms come in handy.  Word of mouth!  I wouldn't ask for cash.  But your bridal party or parents can tell people what you're saving for and the people who weren't sure if they were going to give cash, will probably give cash.

Some people give cash always, like me.

Some people never give cash, like one of the previous posters.

What it comes down to is personal preference, but it's not about your preference.

Belle0000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-registeryhow-do-we-ask-for-money-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d90ddf63-41cd-471a-9ba0-a3adf9c288aePost:08d6d90a-661e-4170-8423-618e4f802026">Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?</a>:
[QUOTE] What is a good way to include on the invitation that instead of buying us a gift, we would prefer money contribution towards buying a house? Could we be straight forward and include that on the invitation? Thanks
Posted by Jdunk2008[/QUOTE]

You don't. 

Check out the message board before you post.  This exact question comes up in about 25% of the posts on this board.  The answer is always the same.    

ETA: In fact, it's addressed in 4 of the first 9 posts below yours. 

ccarrion77

To get around the cash issue, we're asking for gift cards, just do it somewhere you know you'll use them like target... We also have a small registry, I've been living on my own for the past 4 years and have 95% of what I need.

Jdunk2008

 Thanks for your responses.
For those of you that say not to list or even mention gifts in your inviatation.. how is placing your registery information in the invitation any different! Its just the same as saying..here is what you can go buy us. To me it is no different than explaining that you would prefer money.

harr0610

Registery info shouldnt go in wedding invites either. Gifts, whether monetary or something from a list, shouldn't ever be mentioned in your wedding invitations.

mdeidre

I wouldn't personally be offended by someone asking for cash, but it is against etiquette as is listing where you're registered.  The proper way is to let it be known by word of mouth where you're registered, or as someone above stated, make sure your parents and BP know and spread that around.  You could also tell someone if specifically asked.  The new way is to put the info on your wedding page online.  I agree that it doesn't seem much different, but these are the rules of the society we live in.

That being said, if you KNOW that the people in your life would not be offended, go for it.

Belle0000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-registeryhow-do-we-ask-for-money-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d90ddf63-41cd-471a-9ba0-a3adf9c288aePost:158622cd-908c-4713-b5d2-bb2c7763b020">Re: Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?</a>:
[QUOTE] Thanks for your responses. For those of you that say not to list or even mention gifts in your inviatation.. how is placing your <strong>registery</strong> information in the invitation any different!
Posted by Jdunk2008[/QUOTE]

It isn't different.  Which is why you shouldn't include <strong>REGISTRY</strong> info in your wedding invitations either. 

Jdunk2008

Maybe it is just where I grew up but almost all invitations I have received inlcuded information About the registery. I have not been to a lot of weddings but it seems that how it was spread.

If you don't include it in your invitation..how do you tell people?

And to Belle0000- I posted this question when I first joined bc it was a sincere question I had and your comment about looking through the posts was disrespectful.

snowdaisy822

My fiance and I are registering, but would prefer people to donate towards our honeymoon. We did a registry through Sandals that we'll put on our information, but we will also have a large jar out on the gift table with a lable "honeymoon fund" and will also have it out at my shower. He also wants to do a dollar dance. 

Jdunk2008

The Jar idea is neat.  Maybe it could be labeld "house fund" or something cute. Many weddings I have been to have done the dollar dance..but a lot of the weddings around here aren't all that big so they might only make 30 bucks.. Idk why people get their panties in a wad on here about it!
Thanks Snowdaisy822 for your polite opinion!

StephBeanWed61502

I love it - the ONE person who tells you how to be horrifically rude to your guests so you can hit them up for cash is the one you thank for her "polite" opinion.  Fantastic.

FYI for other brides reading this who actually want an answer and don't just want to be patted on the head and told that it's totally fine to be a rude money-grubber, here's how you POLITELY communicate that you'd prefer cash:

Step 1 - Don't register.  Anywhere.  At all.  Zero.  No registry.  (Keep in mind no registry = no shower.)

Step 2 - Guests who want to get you a present will look for your registry online.  When they don't find it (because you don't have one) they will call you, or your BM, or your mom, or your FMIL, and they will ask "Hey, where is the happy couple registered?"

Step 3 - The person fielding the question about your registry will respond "Oh, the happy couple is really lucky to have everything they need already as far as housewares go, so they decided to skip registering.  They're just really focused on saving up for a house/honeymoon/car/trip to Mars/high-powered telescope/etc. right now."

Step 4 - Guest will get the hint to write you a check without being smacked in the face with a tacky cash registry or some "cutesy" poem about how you don't want their stupid presents, you just want cash.

Belle0000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_instead-of-registeryhow-do-we-ask-for-money-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:d90ddf63-41cd-471a-9ba0-a3adf9c288aePost:5fd5670c-ff7e-444f-a691-71982c013471">Re: Instead of Registery..How do we ask for money only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted this question when I first joined bc it was a sincere question I had and your comment about looking through the posts was disrespectful.
Posted by Jdunk2008[/QUOTE]

It's a fact.  This topic comes up repeatedly.  If you read some of the previous posts, you can quickly figure out what is generally accepted and what is typically frowned upon.  Asking for money tends to fall into the latter catergory. 

I love how agreeing = polite and disagreeing = rude, regardless of how ridiculous the idea is. 

supertoaster82

FWIW, H and I had a fairly large registry and STILL got a ton of cash gifts, without mentioning even once that we wanted cash. I think (at least in my circle) that a lot of people just prefer to give cash gifts at weddings, regardless of whether the couple is registered or not. You can always do a small registry as others have suggested (new towels, sheets, etc. are always great to have!) and most people will get the hint that you'd rather just have the cash.

Also, we did not put our registry info in our invites, and I'd say about 85%-90% of our registry items were purchased for us. Most people found out either from our wedding website or asking us or our parents.

Jdunk2008

In posting this question I was not looking to hear responses that I would like. But many peoples comments were degrading! As if the thought of asking for money instead of a gift was the most irresponsible thing I could do!
It is a simple question and I had just joined this site. Some peoples response to this question come off as rude because they assume their opinion is right!
Thank you all for your responses.