no boxed gifts

Theresa626

My friend is getting married in another country and having her reception in the states but another state from where she lives. So, clearly, she cannot bring any sort of boxed presents back on the plane with her from either event  because it would just be way too much.  She's putting no boxed gifts on her invitations. I think this is an awesome idea and practical but I was wondering if there are any etiquette rules behind it.  She will have a registry but if people want to purchase things off of it, they'll have to have it shipped to her home.  So, what do the etiquette gods think of this?

squirrly

You can't mention gifts, period.  Saying "no boxed gifts" indicates you expect a gift.  If you expect it, it's not really a gift, is it?  More like payment. 

Word of mouth is it.  She can register and put a shipping address on the registry that would be convenient, but that's it.  Just be consistent and when people ask where they're registered they should say something like, "We didn't register as transporting gifts home would be so difficult."  People will figure it out.

Honestly, though, most people are smart enough to figure it out.  If they aren't - ship the gifts.  And whatever you/they do, say thank you.

mwhitson14

No, she does not need to do this. Putting anything about gifts on the invites are totally tacky.

Word of mouth, put it on the wedding website, or I know when we registered online, you could include a short note. If I were her, I wouldn't register at all and decline any showers so that people get that cash or gift cards would be the best,

[Deleted User]

Yep. The lovely ladies before me said it perfectly. Referencing gifts in any way in the invitation = tacky.

MyNameIsNot

It is very rude to mention anything at all about gifts on the invitation or anything else you send out. 

Word of mouth is the correct way to spread gift info, when people ask.  However, specifying that gifts should be shipped or that you don't want specific gifts is pretty rude, too.  You should accept any and all gifts gratiously, in whatever form the giver gives them.

SarahPLiz

If I saw that on an invitation, I'd bring my gift in a bag.. or not give one at all. Problem solved.

Really, people attending a reception should know where the B&G live. They will have the common sense to either ship the gift to the B&G or bring a card. It is totally wrong to put anything about gifts on the invitation.

lyndausvi

I agree with everyone else.  It's rude to mention gifts on the invite.

fwiw - I live in the islands and had my wedding in the states.  Out of 140 guests I only recieved 8 boxed gifts total, 4 of which were sent to my home by the giver. We never once mentioned to anyone we did not want boxed gifts at the wedding (not even WOM).  We excepted some people would give us boxed gifts because that is their preference when giving gifts.  We just made plans to have them shipped if that was the case.  It was not a big deal..

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You do not get to demand what kind of GIFT a person decides to generously give you.

And ditto pps about not writing anything about gifts on the invitation. That's tacky and rude.

chosen175

This is actually very common in the middle east.  While some might consider it improper in America, it is considered proper in that area of the world and who are we to impose our idea of what's right/wrong on another culture?

I admit, though, the first time I saw that on an invite, I thought it was really odd.  I would definitely never do that for my own wedding, but like I said - it's not my place to put down a custom from another culture.  Hopefully your friend will realize that her American guests might find it rude if they see that on the invite.

Theresa626

Chosen, I'm American and I don't find it rude at all.  Also, pretty much everyone at both events except for me I think will be Indian or originally from India so perhaps none of them will find it rude either.

MyNameIsNot

A whole stack of people just told you it is rude. 

Asking for gifts of any sort is rude.  Would you call these people and tell them to write you a check for your birthday?  Yeah, doing this is the same thing.

ladybirda

The other problem with saying "no boxed gifts" is that it doesn't come across as a request for presents to be shipped, it comes off as a demand for cash.  Which is the worst thing to put on a wedding invitation!