Asking for money

Muffin'sMom

There are a lot of posts on this forum talking about asking for money instead of gifts and putting registry information in the invitation.  I got a wedding invite today.  Inside the invitation is a slip of paper that says:

Dear Family and Friends,
While monetary gifts are preferred, we are also registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond and Wal*Mart.

It's just rude...seriously.  It just is.

vm_andrews

Wow. Two serious etiquette faux pas (putting anything about gifts on the invitations and asking for money) in one short sentence.

jagore08

Thanks for posting this.  Hopefully more people will see this post and see this as rude.  Probably not but I can always hope.

jennylove810

Ya know, I honestly think some people are simply clueless, and don't mean it rudely.

That's not to say it isn't rude.

But I've had people ask me why our registry information isn't on our invitations, and if we're doing a honeymoon registry.. I even had someone talk to me about mortgage registries!  *shrug*  Sometimes I feel like a little oddball for trying to do things the right way.

golden1215

mortgage registries??? seriously???

AdeleDazeem

I read the title of this thread and was like "Not again!!!"  But, then I saw it was Muffin's Mom

I can get over honeymoon registries, I can get over people wanting cash instead of a gift... but I can't get over your putting it on the invitation as if my giving you a gift was a given.  I also can't get over people who hold a grudge because someone didn't give them a gift or a gift that met their monetary value.  Please get over yourself and learn some manners.

ohyouhavemyheart

ewww how weird!!! thats so embarassing!

tldh

I'm just speechless - and that doesn't happen often.

Chasity08

That's actually extremely embarrassing for them. I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I'm not against the honeymoon registry thing, I say to each their own (I'm sorry, I'm sure you ladies all hate me for that! lol), but that's just awful.

"I would prefer that you just hand me a wad of cash, but if you don't want to do that...get your butt over to BB&B and get me some presents!!!"

I'm putting that in my invite now. Who wants one?! j/k =]

MNVegas

We recently received a wedding invitation that had registry info in it. I cringed! At least they were not asking for cash also. YUCK!!

jagore08

I think for my next birthday I'm going to send out invitations for a party with BYOB and cash only, please written on it.  See, it's ok because I said please.  

Hellokatie0517

How do people not realize that including wedding registry info in wedding invitations and asking for cash is completely rude? I thought this was something that everyone knew.  A fellow bride's mother presented me with a poem that the bride wanted included in her Jack and Jill invitation.  The poem basically said "it would be nice if you gave us cash for our honeymoon".  Being a BM in said bride's wedding I felt compelled to tell her mother that it was completely inappropriate regardless of "cute" she may find the poem to be. 

Galaxy8227

Someone asked me if we were going to have a mortgage registry since we were saving for our house when we got engaged.  I was stunned, I would never expect someone to pay for my house.  So say I have a fight with this person, are they gonna come back and say "While I own your bathroom since I Payed for it?"  Crazy! 

sammyyy416

While I can understand why some people may find that rude, I have to imagine the intentions of the bride and groom are not to be rude.  Since you're invited to the wedding, you're obviously a friend or family member...don't you know them well enough to know they aren't being purposely unkind?  When my mother got married, her and my father were getting ready to move across the country and didn't need things...they needed money.  With that said, they had a "money shower" for her bridal shower.  Though it wasn't necessarily printed on the invite, it also wasn't considered rude or tacky.  If the couple wants money rather than useless items, that shouldn't be an issue.  You're spending the money as a guest either way!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9a6fccf-7f12-4d16-850c-49ede30ccde2Post:9fce25b2-7b64-41c7-bfdf-795b64be0c76">Re: Asking for money</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>You're spending the money as a guest either way!</strong>
Posted by sammyyy416[/QUOTE]

A gift for a wedding is a *choice*.  When you start throwing registry info all over the invite you're basically saying "okay, here's my party and here's what you will bring me for a gift."  Um... back the hell off. 

If a guest *decides* to give a present, he has a few options.  He can contact someone and ask what the guests of honor would like (such as registry info or cash) and then he can decide how much he'd like to spend.  It's just so rude to skip part one - the decision on the part of the guest.

Let's be honest - most people bring gifts to weddings, but it is not mandatory.  Sure, the bride and groom may have thought they were "helping their guests," but really... some common sense and manners here.  Seriously.

WeddingBelleCR

Yuck, I hate it when registry info is included in the invite.  That's the biggest wedding etiquette DON'T. 

I understand that you still want to get your info out to everyone, but there's so many less tacky and rude ways to go about doing that now.  Fortunately, I made my registry on MyRegistry.com so I was able to use their free eCard service to send out my info to everyone via e-mail.  That was a no brainer solution for me.

AdeleDazeem

I find sending an email out to EVERYONE about the registry info after the invitations have gone out just as tacky... sorry.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I find sending an email out to EVERYONE about the registry info after the invitations have gone out just as tacky... sorry.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Cosigned,
Kathryn

Also, seeing as all her posts talk about MyRegistry.com, I am inclined to believe that WeddingBelle's account is for the sole purpose of advertising.

gottahavashorti

Solution: random Target gifts, since Target has a wonderful return policy.

http://www.target.com/Welcome-Nuthouse-Stone-Gray/dp/B000ESBCV4/ref=br_1_11?ie=UTF8&node=15699791&searchSize=30&searchView=grid3&searchPage=1&sr=1-11&qid=1282346476&rh=&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchRank=pmrank&frombrowse=1

http://www.target.com/Love-Swirl-Frame-TT-x-6/dp/B002L6FZY2/ref=br_1_4?ie=UTF8&node=12905531&searchSize=30&searchView=grid3&searchPage=1&sr=1-4&qid=1282346712&rh=&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchRank=price&frombrowse=1

http://www.target.com/MULTI-ARK-SQUARE-SOAP-DISH/dp/B002J9CTZY/ref=br_1_6?ie=UTF8&node=1041480&searchSize=30&searchView=grid3&searchPage=1&sr=1-6&qid=1282346747&rh=&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchRank=price&frombrowse=1

http://www.target.com/Ballerina-Lotion-Pump/dp/B0016PE5EU/ref=br_1_7?ie=UTF8&node=1041480&searchSize=30&searchView=grid3&searchPage=1&sr=1-7&qid=1282346747&rh=&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchRank=price&frombrowse=1

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9a6fccf-7f12-4d16-850c-49ede30ccde2Post:9fce25b2-7b64-41c7-bfdf-795b64be0c76">Re: Asking for money</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If the couple wants money rather than useless items, that shouldn't be an issue.  You're spending the money as a guest either way!</strong>
Posted by sammyyy416[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Some guests may feel a little more comfortable giving a physical gift that costs $20 rather than just giving the B&G a $20 bill.

</div>

flutgrl1

Personally as a guest I would love direction on gifts to come in the invite. I would never call and bother the bride, her family or her BP to ask where they are registered (seriously aren't they busy enough) and no I will not google search your wedding for your gift. If the registry is included in the invite I will send a gift ahead of time, if not you get cash or whatever I pick up.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9a6fccf-7f12-4d16-850c-49ede30ccde2Post:604ee620-a4ed-419f-b1df-3fdd941bdfc4">Re: Asking for money</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally as a guest I would love direction on gifts to come in the invite. I would never call and bother the bride, her family or her BP to ask where they are registered (seriously aren't they busy enough) and no I will not google search your wedding for your gift. If the registry is included in the invite I will send a gift ahead of time, if not you get cash or whatever I pick up.
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

Because thinking "Hey!  John and Joanna are getting married.  Where do married couples register these days?  Oh, I know.  Bed Bath and Beyond..."  type <a href="http://www.bedbathandbeyond" rel="nofollow">www.bedbathandbeyond</a>... type in Joe Smith... BAM.  Joe Smith and Joanna Smith Registry.

That was sooooo hard and mentally taxing.  Please.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]Personally as a guest I would love direction on gifts to come in the invite. <strong>I would never call and bother the bride, her family or her BP to ask where they are registered (seriously aren't they busy enough)</strong> and no I will not google search your wedding for your gift. If the registry is included in the invite I will send a gift ahead of time, if not you get cash or whatever I pick up.
Posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

That's ridiculous. Brides and their WPs aren't ALWAYS busy, and certainly not too busy to have a five-minute conversation about where they're registered. Five minutes, tops - and that includes a bit of small talk.

gottahavashorti

If brides were too busy to take 30 seconds to answer a question about where they are registered, The Knot would not exist for lack of time to post.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_asking-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:e9a6fccf-7f12-4d16-850c-49ede30ccde2Post:c1939536-9b46-4378-920e-13568a93a2db">Re: Asking for money</a>:
[QUOTE]Cosigned, Kathryn Also, seeing as all her posts talk about MyRegistry.com, I am inclined to believe that WeddingBelle's account is for the sole purpose of advertising.
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

Bingo!  14 posts.  14 posts about myregistry.  What are the odds?  Vendor.

C*Mia

There are a ton of registry search engines if you really can't bare to bother someone who you know enough to be invited to their wedding to ask. If you really need direction on a gift and don't want to give cash (if you are giving a gift at all) then take 10 minutes and do a little leg work. People have become so lazy.

Also, if my parents or FIL's saw registry info in the invties there wouldn't be a wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My friend just got an invitation with a slip of paper that said, "for registry information, please visit our website: " I'm sure they thought they were being polite. She comes from an area where cash bars and dollar dances are very, very popular.