registering for the honeymoon

hcollins315

hey everybody...I know the "in" thing to do is to put your honeymoon on your registery or register for payments to be made to towards your honeymoon. which I"d like to do since me & my fi have been living together for so long before we're getting married, we don't really need anything for our home unless we're replacing something. but I have no idea how to start something like that. does anyone have any suggestions? thanks.

artbyallie

It might be "in" but it's also rude. And a waste of everyone's time and money since the HR sites charge you/your guests money to... send you a check. Cut out the middleman and let your guests give you cash/checks because they're smart enough to know that hello, everyone appreciates money as a gift. Either do not make a gift registry or make a very small one (at a typical store like BBB, etc--surely you can at least get new towels and sheets at the very least or upgrade some little things). People will get the hint. And if anyone offers to throw you a shower, decline, because showers are for physical gifts.

ETA: And since you seemed to skip over this at the top of the forum, I suggest you give it a read to get a better understanding: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thinking-of-honeymoon-registry-2

HobokensFury

Actually it's not the 'In" thing to do, it's the rude and tacky thing to do.  Asking for money for your HM is highly inappropriate. HM registeries are very deceptive. Say for example you ask for a $100 dinner for 2. The guest pays the company $100 and they cut you a check for $90. They take a percentage of the money and send you cash. Nothing is actually booked. 

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:9b107d5a-38b8-4db7-b11d-4d68413adefa">registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]hey everybody...I know the "in" thing to do is to put your honeymoon on your registery or register for payments to be made to towards your honeymoon. which I"d like to do since me & my fi have been living together for so long before we're getting married, we don't really need anything for our home unless we're replacing something. but I have no idea how to start something like that. does anyone have any suggestions? thanks.
Posted by hcollins315[/QUOTE]

<div>You're going to get a lot of heat for this.  Perhaps if this idea actually worked, maybe - just maybe - it would be okay.  But it tends to just be extremely rude because asking for cash is always rude and that is essentially what you are doing.  Most sites have a fee that they charge your guests (so if they give you $100 dollars, you really only get $90).  Another that I know of, charges a fee if you opt for payments online, otherwise it is basically just saying "Here right me a check for this."  In addition, someone could buy you a nice dinner or massage or something and you won't get that.  Instead, you get it as a lump sum and have essentially lied to your guests about what they gave you.</div><div>
</div><div>All of that being said, registering for a honeymoon seems silly because traditionally you have to book all of these things well in advance, and you should never expect gifts.  However, proper ways to get this across is having either a small or no registry.  If you are asked, you can tell people that you are saving up for a honeymoon.</div>

sparkles776

Agree with the PPs. I would never foot the bill for anyone elses vacation except my own. HM registries are tacky and rude and are deceptive to your guests.

GoodLuckBear14

When did being lying and deceitful to your guests become the "In Thing"?  You aren't registering for your honeymoon, you are registering for cash (usually with a percentage of what was given being taken by the HR company).

AdeleDazeem

The "in" thing should be having a small registry for household items and then spreading the word that you two are saving for a honeymoon by word of mouth.  Putting a check in a card is far easier for everyone involved.

hoffse

Like pp's said - it's rude/deceitful.  If you plan to use the money on your HM it also doesn't really work, because they cut the check to you after your wedding date... when most people are on their honeymoons.  So yeah those flights you were planning on paying for?  Not going to happen.

Also, I personally find HM registries icky.  Do you really want great aunt sally to be like, "hey now - they want a couple's massage.  bet that will get steamy..."

If you want cash, and you want to be able to use it on your HM, make a very small registry or don't register at all.  Then plan your HM for a week or more after your wedding so that checks have time to clear.  You still won't be able to pay for things you need to pre-book that way, but maybe you can treat yourselves to a nice dinner, etc.

lagonza

Y'all need to stop talking about "rude" and realize that you're being just that.  Some people had great advice about small registries and word of mouth, but that doesn't make their posts any less mean.  All the poor girl wants to know is how to do it nicely. Please exempt Joy from this jab.  She said it perfectly!

I've been working hard to talk my fi out of the online registry for it, since we're in the same situation.  We're doing a small registry for the people who prefer giving tangible gifts.  In it, we're including some luxery items that we probably wouldn't purchase for ourselves (like a really nice blender for me to make my own gluten free flour), new bedding, because we want a more romantic bedroom, things like that.  We're upgrading some of our dishes and donating the old mix and match sets to Habitat ReStore.  Our neighbors want to throw us a shower, so we kind of have to register for some things.

Good luck!

rsanna

In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon:[QUOTE]Y'all need to stop talking about "rude" and realize that you're being just that.nbsp; Some people had great advice about small registries and word of mouth, but that doesn't make their posts any less mean.nbsp; All the poor girl wants to know is how to do it nicely. Please exempt Joy from this jab.nbsp; She said it perfectly!I've been working hard to talk my fi out of the online registry for it, since we're in the same situation.nbsp; We're doing a small registry for the people who prefer giving tangible gifts.nbsp; In it, we're including some luxery items that we probably wouldn't purchase for ourselves like a really nice blender for me to make my own gluten free flour, new bedding, because we want a more romantic bedroom, things like that.nbsp; We're upgrading some of our dishes and donating the old mix and match sets to Habitat ReStore.nbsp; Our neighbors want to throw us a shower, so we kind of have to register for some things.Good luck! Posted by lagonza[/QUOTE]

Well aren't you special. No one was being mean. Mean would be saying she is stupid or dumb or intentionally being a jerk to her guests. No one here did that. I simply explained how she can't do a honeymoon registry nicely and offered the same suggestions as Joy.

lagonza

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:9f888b11-01be-4de3-ab3b-c2323b231a42">Re:registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon: Well aren't you special. No one was being mean. Mean would be saying she is stupid or dumb or intentionally being a jerk to her guests. No one here did that. I simply explained how she can't do a honeymoon registry nicely and offered the same suggestions as Joy.
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

No one?  The words "lying and decietful" and "rude and tacky" were used.  Why are there all these rules about ettiquette for guests and none fo ettiquette on the internet?  Your post got skipped over somehow by me, so I'm sorry I didn't exclude you as well, but I think there are people who need to back off as well.

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:66a4267d-834a-4c2d-b9c7-4e23f00e102a">Re:registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon : We said that honeymoon registries were rude and deceitful, and they are.  No-one said OP was rude and deceitful.  
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

<div>Take this and pretend I said it. </div><div>
</div><div>If you have your feathers ruffled over strangers saying that an idea is deceitful, then maybe you need to rethink going on the internet. Just saying.  Just about everyone responded to the OP as if she didn't know much about honeymoon registries and thus informed her what they were, how they work, and why she shouldn't do them, but here are some alternatives.  </div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:719ea0e2-4925-430a-9fa4-5a3516ac6510">Re:registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon : No one?  The words "lying and decietful" and "rude and tacky" were used.  Why are there all these rules about ettiquette for guests and none fo ettiquette on the internet?  Your post got skipped over somehow by me, so I'm sorry I didn't exclude you as well, but I think there are people who need to back off as well.
Posted by lagonza[/QUOTE]

<div>Telling someone you are doing something and doing something else IS lying and decietful.  How else would you define a lie?  I'm sorry if you are having a hard time with this, but lying to people to get money is always wrong, and it is certainly rude to your guests.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP may not be a deceitful person, but this would be a deceitful act.  Encouraging her avoid lying and being rude is not rude to her, it's helping her.  </div><div>
</div><div>People like you who tell her that it's ok to do whatever and that everyone will forgive her are the ones who are being mean to her.  Do you get joy convincing people to show up in costume to non-costume parties too?</div>

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:bc8c63a9-50eb-4845-8525-70641fe40f8e">Re:registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon : Take this and pretend I said it.  If you have your feathers ruffled over strangers saying that an idea is deceitful, then maybe you need to rethink going on the internet. Just saying.  Just about everyone responded to the OP as if she didn't know much about honeymoon registries and thus informed her what they were, how they work, and why she shouldn't do them, but here are some alternatives.  
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

Her feathers are easily ruffled.  I just realized this is the same chick who has been throwing a temper tantrum on WP.

Lincolnmagoo

Here's my feeling about it all - first, don't listen to people on these forums who like to jump down throats. For some reason it's an issue for posters to reply politely in any kind of disagreement. You can disagree nicely and give advice - not slam people for their questions or need for advice.

With that being said for any situation I would suggest the approach you take will give the impression you're looking for. My fiance and I booked our honeymoon through Liberty Travel and had registry cards made with them so if people want, as an option, they could help us towards our honeymoon. We also registered at a few retail stores. This gives people the option to give the way they feel fit. I've gotten plenty of feedback that it's a great idea. It all comes down to the type of people who are in your family and friends circle. It is by no means "rude". It's all about how you position it. If it's done with taste it will be tasteful. 

Good luck! And my future advice is to not look for it on here  

Lincolnmagoo

Not sure if this is in reference to my post but I never said anything about putting registry information into a wedding invitation.

In my opinion registering your honeymoon is not asking for money, asking for money is asking for money. Some people may prefer to help you enjoy yourself on your honeymoon (I've heard it first hand) than give you a toaster or giant cupcake maker you registered for.

As far as offending guests - if you have people coming to your shower and/or wedding who are going to be "offended" by where you registered then perhaps you should reconsider the type of people you're inviting to your wedding. 

People on these boards are from all different parts of the country, different ages and cultures. You can't expect everyone to fall in line with what you view as the proper way. I get that's what these boards are supposively for, but really, do you think it's the same cookie cutter type of bride reading through them? 

All of this is subjective these days, you can't hate on people for their opinions. 

Those are just my thoughts on it all.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:5ecf02c9-1fea-40ab-8d18-5317b4e023fb">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure if this is in reference to my post but I never said anything about putting registry information into a wedding invitation. In my opinion registering your honeymoon is not asking for money, asking for money is asking for money. Some people may prefer to help you enjoy yourself on your honeymoon (I've heard it first hand) than give you a toaster or giant cupcake maker you registered for. As far as offending guests - if you have people coming to your shower and/or wedding who are going to be "offended" by where you registered then perhaps you should reconsider the type of people you're inviting to your wedding.  People on these boards are from all different parts of the country, different ages and cultures. You can't expect everyone to fall in line with what you view as the proper way. I get that's what these boards are supposively for, but really, do you think it's the same cookie cutter type of bride reading through them?  All of this is subjective these days, you can't hate on people for their opinions.  Those are just my thoughts on it all.
Posted by Lincolnmagoo[/QUOTE]

Etiquette isn't subjective - that's the point of it.  It's a set of customs and guidelines that help everyone feel comfortable at a social event.  For the most part, they are the same across the country.  Different countries have different "rules," but not acting like a spoiled brat is rather universal.

Registering for a honeymoon or having a PayPal account *is* asking for cash.  Nothing physical will result from that "registry" except for a check or dollar bills.

And yes - I will whole heartedly tell you that I would side eye people - even my good friends - if they registered for cash.  People don't know every in and out of etiquette, which is why these boards, books, and feedback exists.  Now you know.  If you want to do it anyway, by all means, but you can't say it's because you were ignorant on the topic.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:5ecf02c9-1fea-40ab-8d18-5317b4e023fb">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure if this is in reference to my post but I never said anything about putting registry information into a wedding invitation. In my opinion registering your honeymoon is not asking for money, asking for money is asking for money. Some people may prefer to help you enjoy yourself on your honeymoon (I've heard it first hand) than give you a toaster or giant cupcake maker you registered for. As far as offending guests - if you have people coming to your shower and/or wedding who are going to be "offended" by where you registered then perhaps you should reconsider the type of people you're inviting to your wedding.  People on these boards are from all different parts of the country, different ages and cultures. You can't expect everyone to fall in line with what you view as the proper way. I get that's what these boards are supposively for, but really, do you think it's the same cookie cutter type of bride reading through them?  All of this is subjective these days, you can't hate on people for their opinions.  Those are just my thoughts on it all.
Posted by Lincolnmagoo[/QUOTE]

So....I guess my brother should not have invited my parents who were offended when they found out that HRs are really nothing more than cash registries (they found out after they'd bought a ton of "HR items" and were pissed).  Nobody who loves you is going to tell you to your face that these are rude.

You can have the opinion that HRs are not asking for cash but you may as well have the opinion that a duck moos instead of quacks.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:5ecf02c9-1fea-40ab-8d18-5317b4e023fb">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure if this is in reference to my post but I never said anything about putting registry information into a wedding invitation. In my opinion registering your honeymoon is not asking for money, asking for money is asking for money. <strong>Some people may prefer to help you enjoy yourself on your honeymoon (I've heard it first hand) than give you a toaster or giant cupcake maker you registered for.</strong> As far as offending guests - if you have people coming to your shower and/or wedding who are going to be "offended" by where you registered then perhaps you should reconsider the type of people you're inviting to your wedding.  People on these boards are from all different parts of the country, different ages and cultures. You can't expect everyone to fall in line with what you view as the proper way. I get that's what these boards are supposively for, but really, do you think it's the same cookie cutter type of bride reading through them?  All of this is subjective these days, you can't hate on people for their opinions.  Those are just my thoughts on it all.
Posted by Lincolnmagoo[/QUOTE]

This line is correct. . . . and those people can choose to write a check or give cash to the couple that can actually be used on a honeymoon, instead of choosing something off a honeymoon registry, losing the surcharge, and creating a situation where the couple doesn't even get the money until after the honeymoon.

kevinlovescheryl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:9b107d5a-38b8-4db7-b11d-4d68413adefa">registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]hey everybody...I know the "in" thing to do is to put your honeymoon on your registery or register for payments to be made to towards your honeymoon. which I"d like to do since me & my fi have been living together for so long before we're getting married, we don't really need anything for our home unless we're replacing something. but I have no idea how to start something like that. does anyone have any suggestions? thanks.
Posted by hcollins315[/QUOTE]

<div>We are in the same boat.  We are 36 and 41, live in a 1 br apt in Brooklyn and have everything we need.  We didn't want to register for anything at all - like a no gifts policy.  But, every single person I have talked to has said that is a mistake and you will wind up with 20 horrible crystal vases.  That we definitely don't want.  So, we are doing a registry at Bed Bath and Beyond for some simple home items that wear out and eventually need to be replaced anyway, a honeymoon registry (possibly at honeyfund.com) and a wine registry.  We are both from the South and Southerners like to give a tangible item even if you don't need it or want it - they can hit BB&B.  If they want to give something tangible and know us well enough to know we don't really want more pillowcases - they can pick something from the wine registry.  If they were going to give cash anyway, they can use the honeymoon registry.  Within honeyfund, we are making it very tongue and cheek.  We are going sailing in the BVI for our honeymoon and adding things to that registry like $20 worth of bait to catch our dinner and $40 for a vat of SPF 100.  It isn't really to cover our honeymoon, but whatever money comes in we will put it in a specific fund and use while we are down there.  We are going to try to take some silly pic of us with bait, sunscreen, etc to include in those thank you notes.  Maybe it's tacky, but do you know what's really tacky? ... A crystal vase.  :-)</div>

Lincolnmagoo

Honeymoon registeries don't necessarily have to include people picking activities for you - it's the option to contribute if they want to. 

Agreed kevinlovescheryl, crystal vases are tacky! Along with people giving you fine china when you're not a fine china kinda person. Get with the times people!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:9e935843-c090-435b-b46e-1ae37eb86661">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Honeymoon registeries don't necessarily have to include people picking activities for you - it's the option to contribute if they want to.  Agreed kevinlovescheryl, crystal vases are tacky! Along with people giving you fine china when you're not a fine china kinda person. Get with the times people!
Posted by Lincolnmagoo[/QUOTE]

Nobody buys fine china unless someone registers for it.  Asking for cash is rude no matter how you dress it up. Get with reality people.

AdeleDazeem

It's like some people don't read the responses.

No one is saying you must buy a crystal vase or fine china.  But, we are saying that asking for money is rude.  There are ways that aren't rude. 

Get with the times, lincoln.  Do you have anything constructive to say back to my post to you?  Or do you want to just randomly sputter "We've evolved!" and "Vases are tacky!" as a way to prove your (incorrect) point?

Many people honestly don't know these things.  That's fine.  I certainly didn't know before I came here.  But, now I know and so do you.

rdavidson827

GEEZ...this is a LONG thread.

So my 2 cents:

Etiquette speaking, a honeymoon registry is probably not the way to go.  As a norm, folks dont' like to be asked for money and a large percentage would probably feel like they are being 'asked' for money but just in a curtained way.

I agree with someone's post ^^^^ way up there that probably a good way to go would be a small registry and most people would get the hint. 

My FI and i are doing just that.  He just moved to Texas from NM and 80% of our guest list is from out of town and out of state.  50% of those won't be coming but most are from his side becuase they live so far away and from his side he said a lot would probably want to get us something but would just ask his parents where we were registered and they would tell them the small registry and outside of that we were just saving for activities on a honeymoon.  That way it puts the ball in THEIR court to decide what THEY want to do and no one has to worry about anything.

Hope this helps.

Good luck

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:9f775123-c73b-4623-a6f1-8c1766c4ea74">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]GEEZ...this is a LONG thread. So my 2 cents: Etiquette speaking, a honeymoon registry is probably not the way to go.  As a norm, folks dont' like to be asked for money and a large percentage would probably feel like they are being 'asked' for money but just in a curtained way. I agree with someone's post ^^^^ way up there that probably a good way to go would be a small registry and most people would get the hint.  My FI and i are doing just that.  He just moved to Texas from NM and 80% of our guest list is from out of town and out of state.  50% of those won't be coming but most are from his side becuase they live so far away and from his side he said a lot would probably want to get us something but would just ask his parents where we were registered and they would tell them the small registry and outside of that we were just saving for activities on a honeymoon.  That way it puts the ball in THEIR court to decide what THEY want to do and no one has to worry about anything. Hope this helps. Good luck
Posted by rdavidson827[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is exactly what you should do.  A lot of times when reading this particular board I feel like many brides forget and/or are brainwashed by the wedding industry to think that gifts are about them and them only.  It's just not the case - they are also about the giver.  Does anybody here actually buy registry gifts that they personally dislike?  Of course not - for the people who think vases and china are tacky (I personally very much disagree, but then I grew up with it), you would never buy that even if your BFF registered for it.  Me, I don't buy appliances because I find them boring and utilitarian.  I do buy china, crystal, and flatware when my friends register for it.</div><div>
</div><div>Point is, with traditional registries the guest has options - and gifts are largely about the guest.  With cash registries, there is only a single option that the bride and groom are suggesting, and that's may biggest beef with it.  I will never EVER give cash at a wedding, because it's not what I am comfortable giving.  And you know what?  It's my right as a guest to decide what I want to give a couple, and I do not thank those that give me a single option of something I find distasteful.  You are actually far more likely to get a crystal vase or platter from me if you DON'T register for physical items, because I won't know what your physical gift preferences are.  And sorry if you hate crystal - it's very very traditional, and that's what I go with when I don't have better guidance.  I do read the fine print, so I know that the "couples massage" you "regisered for" is really a check for $92.25 after the fees are taken out.  And I'm not giving you that.

</div>

KellyBrian2013

We had our plane tickets and hotel stay gifted to us by family members and received a little over $10K for our wedding... and we didn't tell a single person that we wanted money, nor did we register for plane tickets or the hotel. By being humble, keeping a small traditional registry, and letting people know (when they asked) that we were really trying to save up for the honeymoon and some household upgrades (electric, windows), we were gifted generously by our guests.

I can guarantee that if we had registered or otherwise asked for for cash or honeymoon-related things (which is pretty much the same thing), we wouldn't have received squat.

allychase

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:e768f4ab-44ea-485f-aefe-c4f2c6f96a7d">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Brides who want to do this should ask themselves one question:  would I ask my friends to pay for something for me on a normal day? The fact that it's a wedding day doesn't make it less tacky.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Would you ask your friends to buy you expensive, unnecessary gifts on a normal day?</div><div>
</div><div>I'm not 100% pro HM registries, but I can't stand how everyone has no problem with registering for ridiculous gifts, and *hinting* that they want money, but act like someone killed a puppy when they hear about a HM registry. </div><div>
</div><div>There are maybe 25-30 people on here who regularly comment about how tacky HM registries are, and there are a ton more people IRL who love the idea, obviously it's a good business idea, or it would have fizzled out.. I don't even know how many people have already asked me if I've heard about HM registries and how it's "such a good idea." And this coming from wedding guests, who will be paying for it!</div><div>
</div><div>It gives your guests options. Not everyone wants to give tangible gifts. You are able to add the surcharge to the amount the guest is giving you, and then they pay the gift amount  + charge. How is this any different than buying a 150 dollar blender and paying sales taxes on it? These websites are a business, obviously they need to make money somewhere. And with all the access to HM registry knowledge, if your guest feels like something is off about HM registries, they can look it up, and decide if they want to pay the charge and give you a gift off there or not. </div><div>
</div><div>The way you all make these things sound is like a deal with the devil, honestly there are WAY worse things a bride could do to get side-eyed than register for a HM. You have the option of ignoring it and buying something else. 

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devannon

I find it amazing that people talk about how it is rude to ask for cash but then register for a small number of things, invite a lot of people, spread the “word of mouth” and then wait for the cash to roll in. If you think it's rude to ask for cash, what about causing a scenario to occur to attempt to get cash anyway? Oh no, that's much better. Trick the people. Don't be up front. Etiquette says that is much better... right...

 

If you want to give options, register your honeymoon and also register at local stores. Allow people to decide how/if they want to contribute to your wedding.

devannon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_registering-for-the-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:ebe96f62-79bd-4eac-bd0d-eb8582c23334Post:b1507692-2557-47f7-8761-aab0a6330f01">Re: registering for the honeymoon</a>:
[QUOTE]Please don't follow the bad advice above.  It IS proper etiquette not to ask for cash, gift cards, or anything that involves giving money. People who want to give you cash will do so.  They know how to write a check and slip it into a Hallmark card. Having a small registry or no registry does not "trick" guests into giving money.  They either write a check or purchase an item they think the couple will enjoy.  That's a ridiculous notion.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

If you invite 200 people and register for 10 things, that sets up a scenario in which all gifts can be purchased by 10 people and 190 people now get to "figure out" a gift. Many people suggeted under registering for gifts and spreading info by word of mouth that the bride and groom are saving for a honeymoon but it being tacky to "register for a honeymoon" because that is asking for money. I find it to be extremely tacky to under register for gifts on purpose. But that is the difference in opinions. We all have them.

I actually found it hard to register for gifts in the first place. I found it odd to ask for anything at all (which is what a registry felt like) because I am getting married for me (and my honey) and not for gifts or money. Part of it is just how you feel on the subject I guess. If we all went by tradition many a bride would have to cut out the white dress... times have changed.

ccb150

I will not be doing a honeymoon registry because I don't want to risk offending anymore, and as this board proves, it will.

That said, as a guest, I love giving to them. I think life is short and you can't bring material things with you to the grave, but memories and moments define who we are. I also think we work in a time where people work so many hours to just make ends meet, and I like the idea of giving my loves ones a chance to escape and celebrate their love.

devannon

In Response to Re:registering for the honeymoon:[QUOTE]Anyone can wear a white dress for their wedding, devannon.nbsp; They became a tradition when Queen Victoria wore one for her wedding. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Yes but at some point before tradition, it wasn't. Prior to somewhere around 1924 stores didn't have wedding registries. Sometime in the early 90s target revolutionized the current makeup of the registries. Things that catch on become accepted tradition. Like women wearing diamonds. It wasn't usual, customary or accepted until it was. And some people still equate the white dress with virginity. At one point women had to ride sidesaddle on a horse. Things are thought of as acceptable one way until they change to the new way and that becomes tradition.