Register for a college fund??? HELP!

golden1215

My fiance and I have been together 4+ years and are getting married this September.  We are having a VERY small wedding (under 30 ppl) of close family and friends.  We have a 22 month old daughter together and have lived together for years, so we really don't need anything for our home- plus I'm sort of old fashioned in the sense that I don't feel right asking for gifts (i.e. standard registry) when we already live together.

People have already asked where we are registered... since it's just an intimate group of people, can we ask that any gifts be in the form of contributions to our daughter's (already existent) 529 College Savings plan?

People can add funds on their own, so not like we'd be asking for cash and then telling people we'll put it in her fund.

And I'm totally fine getting gifts from people that they pick out themselves, so they can give what they want, but what our little family really needs is just to help provide for our daughter's future- not another blender...

Is that tacky????

golf*bride

I agree with Brie - just create a small registry.  Most folks will plan to give cash anyways.

kristinanddan

I think it is much more appropriate to ask for upgraded sheets and towels than to pay for your daughter's potential college tuition.

MNVegas

plus I'm sort of old fashioned in the sense that I don't feel right asking for gifts (i.e. standard registry) when we already live together.

Obviously you are not that old fashioned if you think it is OK to ask for cash gifts for your daughters college fund! Really? This is just as inappropriate as people who ask for cash for down payments on houses, cars and honeymoons.

No, No, please do not ASK for cash gifts for any reason. 

SteveandKris

If you are concerned about her college fund, please make sure to sign up at www.upromise.com - you can link your existing credit cards and drug store cards, etc and have a portion of your purchases at certain companies be deposited to your daughter's 529.  Grandparents, aunts and uncles can link their cards too! 

I saved HUNDREDS last year alone (by using the upromise mastercard) - it is paying down the balances on my student loans...

duckie1905

As a guest, the last thing I would want to do would be to help put the bride and groom's kid through college.  If you want your child to have help with college save the money yourself; don't ask for donations from your guests.

SarahPLiz

I think that may be remotely ok for a baby shower, but not a wedding. YOu can spread by word of mouth that you are not registered, but are saving up for X (not kids' college education).

golden1215

Thanks for the input everyone!  I'll be sure to make a small "upgrade" registry and not mention college money at all.

For those of you who were pretty snippy- what gives?  Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or do you always lurk on wedding related websites looking for brides to ask "inappropriate" questions so you can belittle them?  I feel like my question was a pretty legit one, especially for this type of forum where brides come looking for advice.

On a side note, when did we, as a society, decide that Egyptian cotton sheets (most likely made in China by underpaid workers) have more value that investing in someone's future?  And not even just speaking about myself anymore- but the comment about helping people with a down payment on their house being totally tacky.  Why would investing in a loved one's (or if not loved at least cared about- since you're going to their wedding) be tacky?  I think you do people a much greater service by helping them attain things that are lasting, like a home, than by giving them sheets that will be replaced in a few years.  We're so materialistic it's sad...

HayTay81

Don't listen to the people telling you its rude to ask for cash under any circumstances, honestly that's a really outdated etiquette rule (my mom recently sent me an article where Peggy Post, Emily Post's great-granddaughter is quoted as saying that requesting cash for the wedding is fine as long as you do it politely). I think it's a nice idea if you don't need the usual kitchen type stuff. If you are still worried, you could always make a college fund on myregistry.com and then also add a few "upgrade" things to the registry so that people have an option if they don't want to contribute to the fund. If you just add a few other things besides the fund, people will probably get the hint that you would really prefer contributions to the fund.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_register-college-fund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ec61c398-a589-4c00-8101-6b40f055c03dPost:87250fa9-b5e7-424e-b1bf-a293801a4bca">Re: Register for a college fund??? HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input everyone!  I'll be sure to make a small "upgrade" registry and not mention college money at all. For those of you who were pretty snippy- what gives?  Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or do you always lurk on wedding related websites looking for brides to ask "inappropriate" questions so you can belittle them?  I feel like my question was a pretty legit one, especially for this type of forum where brides come looking for advice. On a side note, when did we, as a society, decide that Egyptian cotton sheets (most likely made in China by underpaid workers) have more value that investing in someone's future?  And not even just speaking about myself anymore- but the comment about helping people with a down payment on their house being totally tacky.  Why would investing in a loved one's (or if not loved at least cared about- since you're going to their wedding) be tacky?  I think you do people a much greater service by helping them attain things that are lasting, like a home, than by giving them sheets that will be replaced in a few years.  We're so materialistic it's sad...
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

The simple problem is this.  The college fund is for your daughter.  I would be happy to contribute to a friend's kid's college fund for her birthday, or christening, or bat mitzvah, or graduation.  However, when I give a wedding gift, I want it to be something for the COUPLE.  Your daughter will get the benefit of that money, not you and your FI. 

If I give you two money, and you choose to put it in her college fund, that's fine with me.  But to me, a direct donation to her college fund implies "we don't need gifts, but while the checkbook's out, give our daughter some money."  You're changing the recipient of the gift in this case, and that's why I think you should avoid it.

caseybaby1017

 I think this topic brings up a good point...that our society is always going to be split between being traditional and the new age. Case in point...this wedding forum.  Ironically enough, this conversation is taking place on an online forum, which clearly wasn’t around when the very wedding traditions that some of you hold true today. Ladies, it’s time to join the 21st century! Half of the people think that asking guest for money vs. appeasing them by registering for material things that aren’t that important, is what you MUST do for your wedding. And the only reason we register, is to make our guests happy because that’s what they did when they were getting married and that’s what they expect from you. And THEY want to buy presents for you and your fiance—and no one else.  Personally, I think registries are tacky and the whole idea is archaic. “Dear guests, here is a list of all of the things that I want you to buy me.” Sounds pretty selfish to me.

In the case of Golden1215, she already has a child and is putting her child first. I think the idea of having guests put their resources towards her children’s future is an extremely noble idea. It exudes the message of, “Dear guests, thank you for supporting us in our marriage to one another. We feel we have everything we need to continue our day to day lives. What’s more important to us is bettering the life of our child.” That sounds UNSELFISH to me.

Of course, not all guests will be comfortable about the idea because they too hold on to their traditions, but is what the bride and groom want. They always have the option of, God forbid, picking out their own gift for the couple, or just not giving a gift at all. But my guess is those 30 guests, that you felt were important enough for you to invite, don’t know you well enough to know that your child is what is important to you, then so be it.

And perhaps getting caught up in all of this is making many of you forget the whole purpose of a wedding...to celebrate the commitment and union of two people who are building their lives together and possibly making a family together. Isn’t it?

caseybaby1017

You think registering for thousands of dollars of gifts isn't asking for money? It's all the same thing. And by registering for the collge fund it shows people that you're not pocketing the money and putting towards your car payemtn or honeymoon, it's all going straight to the child's college fund.

I think you are worried about what people think. Golden1215 is talking about a 30-person wedding with close family and friends only. Not 300-400 distant relatives and family friends.

MNVegas

Of course I would be worried about insulting my guests by asking for cash.  I am not a big fan of registries either, but at least it gives guests choices as opposed to saying give me cash.  I am also having a very small wedding, but I'm not registering and if people ask about gifts, will let them know that gifts are not necessary as FI & I have more than enough things. That is just us.  Would it be nice to get extra money to put towards a vacation or something else we really want? SURE!  I would not, however, ever ask my guests to pay.

People can do what they want as far as any registry they want, but thinking people won't disapprove is just delusional. Check the vote count 35-5 against asking for money.  Golden125  asked for opinions and that is what she received, opinions. If she was so certain no one would disapprove about her request for 529 money, then I doubt she would have asked to begin with. 

golden1215

MNVegas- you do realize your bio page says "Welcome to are wedding"... it would be "Welcome to OUR wedding"... just a friendly tip

kelle017

If I went to a wedding where the couple wasn't registered then I would do cash or a gift card to a chain store or something like that.  If they choose to use the money for their daughters education, I would be fine with that.  But asking for that upfront would offend me as well.  I go to weddings to celebrate with a couple and give them a gift, not their toddler daughter, but I would still be glad the money is getting used for a good reason and not to buy junk they don't really need.