Is this okay??

christina911

Hey all,

My fiance and I and have lived together almost three years and bought almost everything new when we moved in. We are getting married in November and my mom is pretty insistent on throwing a shower, which I am grateful for. We don't really need any of the little normal every day things, but because I know the point of a shower is gifts, we attempted to make a registry at Target. Well, it didn't actually get too far because, like I said, we have everything, and don't really need upgrades. My FMIL keeps telling me that we need to register for more because 20 things isn't enough, which I understand, but we are at a loss what to put on there. The things that we do need, are all bigger things, like a new living room set. Someone told me about Myregistry .com and I was wondering if its okay to put the couch and love seat that we are interested in on that. Even tho I highly doubt anyone would buy that, maybe it would push them in the directions toward gift cards?? Is that wrong to do or inappropriate? I kinda feel funny about it, but am also tired of people pushing me to register for things we just do not need. Thanks in advance!

coraloc

I've shopped from registries where couples have had wine racks, tray tables, mattresses, and the like, but I haven't seen couches or living room sets.

The problem is, it's such an expensive item and even though it's something you need, you really ought to have a range of price points so your guests don't feel like they're optionless.

Have you printed out registry checklists and perused them to make sure there's really nothing you've overlooked?  There's plenty of small electrics like hand blenders, waffle makers, KitchenAid attachments that you may not have or crystal giftware and home decor that you might like.

coraloc

Even though you've lived together, there has to be plenty of stuff that you don't have.

Wedding frames and crystal giftware are often overlooked.  Are you getting fancy toasting flutes for your reception, a matching cake knife and server, or a cake topper?

Do you have matching barware, a nice cocktail shaker, a good set of flatware?

If you haven't already, you should print out a registry checklist and peruse it just to be sure you haven't overlooked anything.  Don't let people push you to register for things you don't want, but surely there's something that would be nice to have?

I'd be highly annoyed if I printed out a gift list of furniture with expensive pieces.  I've shopped from registries where the couples have requested mattresses, tray tables, wine racks, and the like, but they've also had a variety of price points for guests unwilling or unable to spend that much money.

amymaysa

If you really don't need anything, then I would try to explain this to your mom and decline a shower.

If she is really pushing it, then I would go through the house and see what else you can upgrade.

You shouldn't mention anything about wanting gift cards or cash anywhere, and definately not for a shower. It would be pretty boring to see someone just open envelopes

music11

I don't think it's a problem if you have one or two high-priced items, because people might go in on group gifts, but you need to have enough on there at a reasonable price-point so that shower guests can spend what they're comfortable on.

I know you said you're pretty well-stocked, but what about towels and sheets?  Look around your house for anything that needs upgrading.

eharitos

Ok - so maybe this is sorta not on the up and up - but most places (Macy's, Target, Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma etc) will let you RETURN!! registry items in exchange for gift cards...you could always register for a bunch of things and then return them all for the gift cards to be put towards furniture.  Then you might run into the problem of Aunt Milly asking you 10 years from now where the candle sticks she gave you are ... but it's an option!

twilight.rose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f264e865-97b5-484c-8920-26e37f44ef26Post:dc0cbb04-7182-4324-9c3b-35760b1173cb">Re: Is this okay??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok - so maybe this is sorta not on the up and up - but most places (Macy's, Target, Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma etc) will let you RETURN!! registry items in exchange for gift cards...you could always register for a bunch of things and then return them all for the gift cards to be put towards furniture.  Then you might run into the problem of Aunt Milly asking you 10 years from now where the candle sticks she gave you are ... but it's an option!
Posted by eharitos[/QUOTE]

<div>This would be a complete hassle and, also, rude to do to your guests. It would be a terrible faux pas to ask your loved ones to unnecessarily spend money on things you don't need or want. If you truly don't need any items, the proper thing to do is politely decline the shower.</div>

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f264e865-97b5-484c-8920-26e37f44ef26Post:dc0cbb04-7182-4324-9c3b-35760b1173cb">Re: Is this okay??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok - so maybe this is sorta not on the up and up - but most places (Macy's, Target, Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma etc) will let you RETURN!! registry items in exchange for gift cards...you could always register for a bunch of things and then return them all for the gift cards to be put towards furniture.  Then you might run into the problem of Aunt Milly asking you 10 years from now where the candle sticks she gave you are ... but it's an option!
Posted by eharitos[/QUOTE]

No, don't lie to your guests.  I would not be pleased if I spent my time and money getting you a present I thought you would like only to find out that your intention had always been to return whatever I purchased. 

aragx6

If you can't come up with enough things to put on your registry, you'll really need to decline the shower. Like PPs said, look around the house for things to upgrade.

music11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f264e865-97b5-484c-8920-26e37f44ef26Post:dc0cbb04-7182-4324-9c3b-35760b1173cb">Re: Is this okay??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok - so maybe this is sorta not on the up and up - but most places (Macy's, Target, Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma etc) will let you RETURN!! registry items in exchange for gift cards...you could always register for a bunch of things and then return them all for the gift cards to be put towards furniture.  Then you might run into the problem of Aunt Milly asking you 10 years from now where the candle sticks she gave you are ... but it's an option!
Posted by eharitos[/QUOTE]

<div>This just seems really dishonest to me.  If I was the giver, I wouldn't feel so good if I found this out :(</div>

mcskatcat

OP, you'd be surprised what you need.  I would really make a wishlist of anything you can anticipate needing within the next few years.  I've only been married about 18 months and in that time have purchased things like a new vacuum that I am now regretting not registering for.  With that in mind, I can only think of one registry present we have yet to use in the last 18 months.  

So think about.  While furniture might be your priority, are there other things that might wear down or could be replaced?  Sheets are a common one.  This is a good chance to register for items that are high quality and will last a lot longer than the junk you might have purchased on a dime in college.  

Also, about the furniture, odds are you will get money.  Probably plenty of it.  You can just say that the first $x of wedding money will go to the big ticket items.  

Fancypantsamy

Also think about in the future if you're planning to have children. sure, you might have a nice throw that you like to curl up under when you're watching tv - now anticipate a 5 year old wandering off with it to do the exact same thing. Maybe you should register for an extra throw or two. Maybe some melamine plates and cups for having cookouts in the backyard so that your good stuff can stay inside? Do you have any plans to move to a bigger place in the next few years? An extra set of bathroom accessories (soap dish, shower curtain, etc) would be easy to store now and unpack later. What about tools - maybe you have a drill, but is it an old hand me down or a new cordless one?

Also, try William Sonoma - they have a lot of nifty gadgets and things that could fit in a less than $40 price range that target doesn't have - things like potato scrubber gloves and specialty item bakeware. Things you might not have already bought yourself but might find fun in the kitchen. They also carry cookbooks.

RebeccaB88

Sheets and towels.  You have them know, but those things wear out because they get used so much.  You can't ever have enough towels, especially when you have guests.  Tablecloths and placemats too.  Gadgets.  What are some things that you'd like to have but would never buy for yourself?   Stuff that's fun, but not a necessity?   Outdoor entertaining stuff - a grill, unbreakable tablewear, a cooler?  Gardening or lawn care items, or household tools (cordless rechargeable drill, basic screwdriver set).  You can register for almost anything that Amazon.com carries, which is a pretty wide variety of things to choose from.

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-this-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f264e865-97b5-484c-8920-26e37f44ef26Post:cba0585c-9002-4789-82cf-936da01f321c">Is this okay??</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey all, My fiance and I and have lived together almost three years and bought almost everything new when we moved in. We are getting married in November and my mom is pretty insistent on throwing a shower, which I am grateful for. We don't really need any of the little normal every day things, but because I know the point of a shower is gifts, we attempted to make a registry at Target. Well, it didn't actually get too far because, like I said, we have everything, and don't really need upgrades. My FMIL keeps telling me that we need to register for more because 20 things isn't enough, which I understand, but we are at a loss what to put on there. The things that we do need, are all bigger things, like a new living room set. Someone told me about Myregistry .com and I was wondering if its okay to put the couch and love seat that we are interested in on that. Even tho I highly doubt anyone would buy that, maybe it would push them in the directions toward gift cards?? Is that wrong to do or inappropriate? I kinda feel funny about it, but am also tired of people pushing me to register for things we just do not need. Thanks in advance!
Posted by christina911[/QUOTE]

<div>No reason not to register for bigger items, but <em>if </em>you are accepting a shower, you really ought to have enough little things for people to adequately shower you! People don't like to give gift cards at showers, and other guests get bored watching brides open gift cards. (If you <em>want </em>money decline the shower and tell your mom it's because you don't want people to waste their time and money buying you things you don't need.)</div><div>
</div><div>My FI and I have been living together for a few years now. Here are some of the things we registered for:</div><div>Pretty coasters to replace the cranky cat coasters we got for free at a yard sale.</div><div>Nice pots and pans that don't have that terrifying non-stick coating on them.</div><div>Some decorative accents we would buy ourselves anyway, but now will remind us of the loved ones who purchased them for us.</div><div>
</div><div>While you've gone to Target, try going to a store that's more specialized toward home goods (I virtually never go shopping, but maybe somewhere like Williams Sonoma, Bed Bath and Beyond, ...?) where you can find more things that will inspire you than at Target. Or try poking around on Amazon:<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/wedding/add-items" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/gp/wedding/add-items</a> </div>

hoffse

I would recommend looking into either pottery barn or crate and barrel (depending on your tastes in furniture).  Both give you 10% off the entire store after your wedding, and I believe that includes furniture.  Both stores have some great items in the under $50 range for the shower, and you can get the discount on their furniture after the wedding with $$ you get.

christina911

Hey all,

Thanks for the help. The things that we did register for are the upgrades that we need.. Towels, Sheets, etc. All of the other things mentioned, tools, decorative etc we have too. My fiance used to be a mechanic and has all of the tools one could possibly need/want. We are very fortunate that both of us have careers and were able to buy the things we wanted when we moved in and over the past 3 years, thats why I was just wondering if it would be appropriate to add the living room set? I would by no means ever ask for money or for gift cards, and I understand that it would be boring to watch. I'll talk to my mom and see what she says I guess.

harr0610

I might kind of side eye furniture on a registry. Although I will say my cousin registered for a fireplace (not like a firepit....an actual big arse fireplace that goes in your house) and i just kind of thought "WTF" and moved on and didn't really think too much of it.

What about "fun" stuff? I've lived with FI for 5 years too so we didn't need a whole lot, but I found about 50 things to put on there at Target (basically stuff that's cool but we'd never buy ourselves/don't really "need" per se)...an upgraded vacuum, martini shakers, cedar planks for the grill etc....