Is it wrong to ask???

misfranks

We have done a few registeries to give people that option but is it wrong to ask for donations instead of gifts. Just because we're asking for money doesn't mean I expect a check for $200.00 from each person. I made it very clear big or small donations are welcomed and any size or just their presence would be good. The money would help to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, and down payment on a house. If you were a guest would you be offended? As a guest would you be willing to give money instead of a gift if thats what the bride and groom wanted? Please I need to know before I send out invitations.

erbear84

Yes, it's wrong to directly ask for money.  You can make your preference known to family/people throwing your shower, but you should never directly ask people for money.  And if you wanted money, you shouldn't have registered anywhere.

RussoWill

Do not mention registries or gifts or donations or anything not pertinent to the who what when where of your wedding on the invitation. Do not include anything about gifts on an insert to your invitation. Word will spread on where you're registered, and if you only registered for a few things, people will get the hint that you'd prefer money. A lot of people do give money anyways because it is a wedding and they know money helps. 

LeiselEB

If people want to give you cash, they will. Just don't register for a million things and your guests will get the hint. Asking for "donations" is rude.

MNVegas

You are not a charity so NO you can not ask for donations! You do not ask for cash, gift cards or do any kind of cash registry. Those things are very offensive to a lot of people. Personally if someone made a direct request for a cash gift, I would not give it because that request would be rude.

People know cash is a great gift and will put check/cash in a card if that is what THEY want to do. You could do a small registry and people will most likely get the hint that cash is appreciated.  If someone asks you directly what you want, then say we are registered at store x but also saving for x.

You do not put anything about gifts, registries etc in you wedding invitations.

StephBeanWed61502

I LOVE when brides who want to ask for money use the phrase "donations."  You are not a charity.  You are not raising money for starving children or sad animals or to cure diseases.  You are asking for MONEY, not "donations."  Using a different word doesn't make this request polite.

MrsKathyC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-wrong-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f2752ffe-e606-471e-bd89-26f818f1134dPost:a7182ff5-651a-4ccf-a5df-f0dadd0a7c4f">Is it wrong to ask???</a>:
[QUOTE]We have done a few registeries to give people that option but is it wrong to ask for donations instead of gifts. Just because we're asking for money doesn't mean I expect a check for $200.00 from each person. I made it very clear big or small donations are welcomed and any size or just their presence would be good. The money would help to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, and down payment on a house. <strong>If you were a guest would you be offended? As a guest would you be willing to give money instead of a gift if thats what the bride and groom wanted? </strong>Please I need to know before I send out invitations.
Posted by misfranks[/QUOTE]

1. Yes, I would be offended if my invitation asked for money in lieu of gifts.
2. As a rule, I always give cash as a wedding gift

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-wrong-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f2752ffe-e606-471e-bd89-26f818f1134dPost:a7182ff5-651a-4ccf-a5df-f0dadd0a7c4f">Is it wrong to ask???</a>:
[QUOTE]We have done a few registeries to give people that option but is it wrong to ask for donations instead of gifts. Just because we're asking for money doesn't mean I expect a check for $200.00 from each person. I made it very clear big or small donations are welcomed and any size or just their presence would be good. The money would help to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, and down payment on a house. If you were a guest would you be offended? As a guest would you be willing to give money instead of a gift if thats what the bride and groom wanted? Please I need to know before I send out invitations.
Posted by misfranks[/QUOTE]
1.  Yes, it's completely wrong to ask.
2.  Are you a registered charity?  If not, then you're not asking for 'donations,' you're asking for moolah. 
3.  Yes, I would be very offended, and no, I would not be willing to give money instead of a gift.  For one, money instead of a gift makes no sense - money IS a gift.  For another, I don't give cash, ever.  If I were the type of person who gave cash then I would already be planning on giving you cash, and the only thing your shameless money grab request would do is convince me to give you a matching pair of his and hers personalized socks or something like that.
4.  NOTHING about gifts or registries or anything like that should EVER be on your invitations. 

misfranks

Wow. I didn't expect to be yelled at for this question. I'd like to clarify that I wasn't putting anything about gifts or registeries on the invitation. I am simply directing people on my invite to visit my website for more information. I just want the website information to be correct before I send them out. I thought by using the word donation I was making the wording tasteful instead of upfront by using the word money. I wasn't going for the charity look. I do like the idea of telling people that we're saving up for a house instead of telling them. But does that wording make it any better? The problem is there really isn't anything we could want. We've been living together for 5 years and have all our household needs. My fiance is military and I don't want to be lugging more stuff around when we move. I was told by providing a registery that would give people who dont want to give money other options instead.

frantastic12

Yes, it's wrong to ask, whether it be on a website or an invitation. 

I had a friend who was really blunt about wanting cash for her wedding.  She didn't put it on the invitation, but only because I talked her out of doing so.  Know what happened?  Some guests (guests who normally would have given cash) were so irritated about her rudely stating that she wanted cash that they gave physical gifts. 

Create a small registry so that people who prefer to give a physical gift can do so.  People will usually get the hint when a registry is small. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-wrong-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f2752ffe-e606-471e-bd89-26f818f1134dPost:ce250186-e21e-4f64-a7eb-e79d47d1159c">Re: Is it wrong to ask???</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. I didn't expect to be yelled at for this question. I'd like to clarify that I wasn't putting anything about gifts or registeries on the invitation. I am simply directing people on my invite to visit my website for more information. I just want the website information to be correct before I send them out. I thought by using the word donation I was making the wording tasteful instead of upfront by using the word money. I wasn't going for the charity look. I do like the idea of telling people that we're saving up for a house instead of telling them. But does that wording make it any better? The problem is there really isn't anything we could want. We've been living together for 5 years and have all our household needs. My fiance is military and I don't want to be lugging more stuff around when we move. I was told by providing a registery that would give people who dont want to give money other options instead.
Posted by misfranks[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No one yelled at you.</div><div>
</div><div>You do not ask for money.  It doesn't matter how you phrase it, it has no place on your website.  Guests know they can give you money.  Do a small or no registry and leave it alone.  </div><div>
</div>

librababy

I can come across as rude to directly state you want or prefer cash even if its on the website.  I would just make a smaller registry and then let whoever is in charge of your shower to spread the word.  For the wedding, your parents and BP can spread the word too.. but people usually bring cash to weddings anyway, hence the card box.

For me, if I knew the couple preferred cash, I would try to oblige but we are on a tight budget so it would not be much.  I feel much better spending $20 on a nice physical gift and feel so good with myself than giving $20 in a card and feel like a cheapskate.  Plus it's so much fun to buy stuff for other people, especially for a wedding.

beemerz72

Pretty much what everyone else has said. Anything you call it, including "donation" is wrong. 

And one other thing. If you cannot afford to pay for your wedding or honeymoon, then scale down the plans into something more manageable that you CAN afford. That way, if you do get some cash as a gift, its unexpected and you can put ot into something that you really want, like a down payment on a home. 

Just my two cents...

misfranks

Thank you everyone. Those responses were better then being attacted for acting like a charity. I will remove all of it and just tell my parents and maids to spread the word since I'm not having a bridal shower.