How much to give?

NJgirl4

My bf is friends with the groom. They're having a dinner - but we're not invited. As far as I know, only some family is invited to the dinner, while everyone is invited to the ceremony beforehand and the boat cruise reception. There will be no dinner on the boat either - no dinner, cash bar. Kinda feels a little gift-grabby to me. Generally we give cash but I'm thiking of just getting some stuff off the registry. To be hosest, it's costing us more to attend than seems worth it. What would you give?

KatyRoseM

I would give something from the regestry.  But then I always do that.  I would probably spend 50-100.

loop0406

Registry, I would spend $40-45

skippylouwho

I always do registry, they register for a reason and I figure they like the stuff they picked so I do registry. In this situation - I'd keep it to $50.

quotequeen

I would let my BF decide how much he wants to give his friend, and not get involved.  If it was my friend, I would be offended by the tiered reception and would probably not attend.  If I decided to attend anyway, I would probably give something in the $50 range.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_much-give-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:f2c8fcbf-2d8c-40cf-a39d-238a031e084dPost:d61afdac-8953-4903-ab84-a2ee33649b04">Re: How much to give?</a>:
[QUOTE]I always do registry, they register for a reason and I figure they like the stuff they picked so I do registry. In this situation - I'd keep it to $50.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

While it may vary in some people's social circles, in the NY/NJ area registries are for shower gifts and cash is the common wedding gift.

However, in this situation I would give a gift off the registry. No dinner and a cash bar? Icky.

Galaxy8227

I usually give a gift for shower and cash for a wedding gift but in this situation since you're not even invited to the whole day (which is really rude) I would just get something small off their registry. 

trix1223

Well, I'd probably decline the "honor" of this invitation.  If I did attend, it would be with a small gift from the registry.

NJgirl4

Thanks for the advice everyone! Agreed the way they've gone about this is tacky and rude. We're not important enough to have dinner or get a free drink but we can come to the boat cruise (cabbing there and back) and bring a gift? Ugh. I'll get something small off the registry.

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_much-give-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:f2c8fcbf-2d8c-40cf-a39d-238a031e084dPost:a8868333-4103-4c0b-b18e-d6ad63e2c4f6">Re: How much to give?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'd probably decline the "honor" of this invitation.  If I did attend, it would be with a small gift from the registry.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This exactly.  Ew!

Aubrav

I've never heard of anyone doing anything like that, having some people invited to one part but not the other.  But maybe they don't realize they are putting everyone else out by having a no-food reception, I mean, maybe they figure taking everyone on a cruise is a good idea.  Is there a possibility that the dinner is more attached to family/wedding party like a rehearsal dinner and really is not attached to the wedding at all?

I just have a hard time imagining telling some guests you will feed them but not others.

BlueBoxBride

I always think it's best to err on the side of generous, so I would have your BF purchase a gift for the couple off the registry or write a check in whatever amount he feels comfortable giving. 

But that seriously is just odd... I mean, they can't have passed hors for an hour or two? Or serve some sort of rum punch? That's just tacky! 

gottahavashorti

$50 is normally what I can afford to give, but it would be less if I were paying for my own food and alcohol.  So a small registry gift that costs about $50 minus the cost of dinner after the ceremony and an alcohol budget for the cash bar.

But really, I'd probably decide that they didn't like us enough to invite us to the dinner, decline, and send a card.