Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts

chavonfitzhenry

How do i go about setting up a link/account for our guests to contribute to our honeymoon, i.e. purchasing spa packages, horseback rides, etc... 
Need all the help I can get 
The Bride to Be

hannahj1983

We are using www.uponourstar.com for one- it has been great- you can use it for honeymoon items as well as household items- but in the end it works the same- you are given cash.  

I know they are not for everyone, but it works for us, we don't need the traditional stuff like plates and toasters.  

It is super easy, just sign up and start adding!!!  It does it all for you easy!  HTH!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:f42f3fed-fc36-487e-9ffd-1b61a54c1ff4">Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]How do i go about setting up a link/account for our guests to contribute to our honeymoon, i.e. purchasing spa packages, horseback rides, etc...  Need all the help I can get   The Bride to Be
Posted by chavonfitzhenry[/QUOTE]

Put a deposit slip with you savings account number written in already in with your invitaitons.  They can mail them to you or directly to your bank.

::headesk::

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:f42f3fed-fc36-487e-9ffd-1b61a54c1ff4">Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]How do i go about setting up a link/account for our guests to contribute to our honeymoon, i.e. purchasing spa packages, horseback rides, etc...  Need all the help I can get   The Bride to Be
Posted by chavonfitzhenry[/QUOTE]

Guests can give you CASH if THEY chose to contribute to your honeymoon.  Registries are for items a new couple needs or would like for their home & life together.  Horseback riding and spa packages don't fall in that category.  Create a smallish registry if you prefer cash gifts if anything...

twilight.rose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:e24378f4-d3c2-49b4-8ac2-88a13e925670">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts : Guests can give you CASH if THEY chose to contribute to your honeymoon.  Registries are for items a new couple needs or would like for their home & life together.  Horseback riding and spa packages don't fall in that category.  Create a smallish registry if you prefer cash gifts if anything...
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

This. Well said, aegrish.

teachermegs

Hello and welcome to the boards. How about a little more details about your wedding?
I personally can't help you because we did a traditional registry and ended up with more cash/checks in cards than gifts.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:f42f3fed-fc36-487e-9ffd-1b61a54c1ff4">Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]How do i go about setting up a link/account for our guests to contribute to our honeymoon, i.e. purchasing spa packages, horseback rides, etc...  Need all the help I can get   The Bride to Be
Posted by chavonfitzhenry[/QUOTE]
This can be a controversial topic around these parts.  So since you're new, I wanted to give you a heads-up.

Many people, myself included, consider honeymoon registries to be rude because the nature of such a registry (you don't get the actual "gift," you get the money minus the service charge) is that you're essentially asking your guests for money.  It's akin to hitting up your guests for cash.  Not cool.  And guests who realize the deceptive nature of these registries are often put off by them. 

Also, since honeymoon registries generally have service charges of some kind, you don't get 100% of the cash that guests give you. 

In addition, you may have guests who refuse to give cash of any kind.  So you may still end up with toasters, etc., that you didn't need or want.

Finally, if your guests don't give enough to the honeymoon registry, what is your contingency plan?  A honeymoon, like any other trip, is planned in advance.  You shouldn't count on a cash registry to pay for your honeymoon.

I suggest that you keep a small registry for those guests who refuse to give cash.  And when most people see a small registry, they'll be more inclined to give cash without you saying anything.  You don't have to pay anything off the top, and you can use it for whatever you want, including the honeymoon.

mary9449

It's not in good etiquette to ask for money in any form instead of gifts. I would suggest not doing it and planning a honeymoon you can afford.

jilld82

If I were you I would bring a large sized paper bag with you to the reception.  This way you can just go around to your guests and have them put money into the bag instead an account.

Some of those service fees on honeymoon registries are crazy.

:::rolling eyes:::::

deepcovejackie

Asking for $$ is rude.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:39180ed1-9eac-4179-a263-d6baf0a49fad">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you I would bring a large sized paper bag with you to the reception.  This way you can just go around to your guests and have them put money into the bag instead an account. Some of those service fees on honeymoon registries are crazy. :::rolling eyes:::::
Posted by jilld82[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Jill... why can't it be plastic? *snicker*</div>

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:2cf48a7f-4f19-4043-b609-911133e35844">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts : Jill... why can't it be plastic? *snicker*
Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

Or a 'resuable' grocery bag...environmentally friendly at least.

sstobbe

If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude.

I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings. I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:3e406e54-2c22-4d02-8304-2f24931d0e85">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts : Or a 'resuable' grocery bag...environmentally friendly at least.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

Ha.  Yeah I am thinking if she is rude enough to ask guests for honeymoon money, she probably isn't that concerned about the environment.

jemmini6

There are several websites that can do this for you.  Honeyfund.com, uponourstar.com and traverlersjoy.com are some of the popular ones.

A few things to consider before doing one:

1.  They do have transaction fees, so regardless, you will rarely get 100% of the gift.  Honeyfund.com is the cheapest as far as fees go because you have the option to link it to your paypal which is only a 3% fee, most of the other sites charge at least 7%.  They also give the option for guests to essentially just print out a voucher of what they purchased and write a check/cash directly. 

2.  Make sure your guests would receive this well.  Some people are more open to it than others, if you have a large base of uber-traditional guests, they probably be a little put off by it.  There's no point to set one up if 90% of your guests won't use it.

3.  DO NOT count on this money to pay for your actual vacation.  The only things that are appropriate to register for are extras like you mentioned.  Even then, be sure that you can personally afford to do some extras on your HM without help.  If you get there and can't afford to eat because no one gave towards your registry, then you'd be kind of screwed.

4.  Send thank you notes with pictures of you actually doing the activities that people gave towards.  This will reassure them that you weren't just trying to deceive them and that you used their gift the way it was intended.

5.  Create a small traditional registry for the people who prefer to give a tangible gift.  Just because you don't register, doesn't mean that people won't try to find you an actual gift.

6.  If you are having only a very small traditional registry, you need to decline all showers.  The point of a shower is to 'shower' the bride with gifts.  It's really boring to watch the bride open cards...

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:7d42d529-af55-4264-965e-216a73543d5e">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude. I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings. I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]

Actually we are telling her what proper etiquette is.  We would be rude if we told her what a great idea it was to solicit money from loved ones.

Give me a break.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:7d42d529-af55-4264-965e-216a73543d5e">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude. I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings. I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]

Would you not have known that they would appreciate cash if they hadn't set up a honeymoon registry? 

OnionBiitch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:7d42d529-af55-4264-965e-216a73543d5e">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude. I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings. I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than <strong>buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use</strong>. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]
Why would anyone register for something that they never planned on using?  If it is on their registry then, to me, that means it is something they want and will use.  The logic you are using is ridiculous.

sstobbe

My apologizes for using ridiculous logic, but I find it hard to believe that never in the history of weddings and registeries has someone registered for something they ended up never using.

OnionBiitch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:c9a64319-d5d1-41c9-90de-25480978225a">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]My apologizes for using ridiculous logic, but I find it hard to believe that never in the history of weddings and registeries has someone registered for something they ended up never using.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]
It is the couples' fault if they register for something, receive it as a gift, and then never use it.  At least you know they got that quesadilla maker/towel set/salad bowls, etc.  I can guarantee you there are people that register for spa treatments, golf lessons, horseback riding, etc on their HM registries and then use that money for something completely different. 

aegrish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:7d42d529-af55-4264-965e-216a73543d5e">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude. <strong>I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings.</strong> I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]

A lot of people aren't MORTIFIED when they open up an invitation and registry cards fall out...but that doesn't make it right.

ldawg14

Check out honeyfund.com. 

Keep in mind you will still have to front the cost of your honeymoon, as reservations must be made far in advance.

We kept the items more personable and smaller - dinners, museums, train tickets, etc.  We will also send pictures of us enjoying our gifts in the thank you cards!  Nothing like a picture outside a quaint Italian cafe to thank your guests!

futurepivko

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:a2768c6d-d1d0-465c-bab9-08b3b85d7ecf">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts : Ha.  Yeah I am thinking if she is rude enough to ask guests for honeymoon money, she probably isn't that concerned about the environment.
Posted by jilld82[/QUOTE]

*giggle*

jcavallero1

Who are we to say what is right or wrong anymore? The world of "etiquette" has changed SO much over the past 20 years that it doesn't matter who is right or wrong. There are couples who are having gothic, halloween, etc styles of weddings because it reflects who they are as a couple. Is that a little non-traditional? Obviously, yes. Doesn't mean that its wrong. Especially in this economy, why not ask for money for your honeymoon/house fund? Why do we need to ask for material possessions if we don't need them? I know in my case, i don't want to store more "stuff" in my tiny apartment. Good lord, if people are offended because someone asks for money, EVEN THOUGH they were going to spend gas money to the store and more money to pick out a gift and waste way more time doing this than just writing a check, then our world is pathetic. People need to stop getting so offended easily! It's not about the guests, it's about the people who are choosing to get married and spend the rest of their lives together! So get your sticks out of your butts people, the world is changing everyday!!!

WhiteWolfe

I agree with jcavallero1. I am using honeyfund and the guests that have asked where we are registered have all been relieved to know they can do something simple. I am not asking anyone to give me a gift or money. If they wish to give and ask how we are handling the registry, I answer the question. The people I've spoken to in person have all seen the online registries and cash gifts as a convenience and appreciate it. Many of my guests will be travelling via plane. On many flights, you have to pay for baggage. In my mind, I am saving people some time and possibly money. And if they don't want to participate then they shouldn't have to. Etiquette has definitely changed. We are unable to follow every single out dated rule. I understand manners and etiquette. My FI and I do not need household items so we did not register for them just because that;s what generations before us have. We do not expect our guests to bring gifts or money. But many people enjoy giving gifts in one way or another. There are polite ways to handle this issue.

WhiteWolfe

Oh... and chavonfitzhenry, I don't think you were asking about etiquette here. You were asking how you set up a registry. Honeyfund.com walks you right through the set up. There is a free version and a way that you can have guests pick the gift they want to get you and print out a voucher. They can then give you the voucher with money to pay for their gift. If you set it up through paypal or credit card, there is a fee for the transactions. Essentially, they are giving you money but deciding how they would like it to be used. This doesnt mean you are asking for money. It means that if people want to spend money on a gift for you, they have a way to do it in a personalized way

theresas+wedding

a few ideas instead of setting up a website that charges fees.

Visa gift cards
Travelocity.com sell gift cards( i think this is good towards hotels only so keep that in mind.
US airways sells gift cards ( you can use unlimited gc to purchase a ticket, unlike most airlines )

jlynnsmiley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:fdd207d6-3ca9-4b13-b92b-ffb44d53fe33Post:7d42d529-af55-4264-965e-216a73543d5e">Re: Honeymoon $$ in lieu of Gifts</a>: i totally agree that you are being rude! There is NO difference between asking for gifts or cash. I dont find anything wrong with contributing to the bride and groom making wonderful memories that they will cherish the rest of their lives rather than a cookware set that will be broken/obsolete in a couple years. Memories last a lifetime and if i can help make that gift for them i will choose that everytime.
Besides in this practical world where most couples live together before marriage or are combining households after a previous divorce, gifts of linins and serving spoons seem a little silly.
Now that being said there is a way to suggest "donations" tactfully and not so tactfully. It may be better to say something like "guests are not asked to bring gifts, but if they would like to, the brind and groom will gladly take donations for their honeymoon" That way the decision is firmly in the guests hand and they dont feel pressured to spend any money if they choose not to.

[QUOTE]If anything I think you guys are being kind of rude. I've never been offended or thought it was a tacky when my friends did honeyfunds for their weddings. I'd much rather give them money towards something to do on their honeymoon than buy them something from their registry that they may possibly never use. How is registering for an actual gift any different than registering for a massage on your honeymoon? Either way you're asking you guest to spend money on you.
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]