Friends with ex's GF or new wife?

cwcottage

I'm just curious how others deal with this. My situation is that my ex has been vile. We have no contact (recently we have had some due to signing papers and him picking up some of his personal stuff). He just recently saw our daughter after not seeing her for 2 years. He has a GF/FI of about one year. She has been just as vile as he was up until recently when she became the go between for us.

This is kind of complex...they would both text me mean hateful messages last year until I got a restraining order. Then for about 6 months they left me alone. Out of the blue a couple of weeks ago I got a text from her that was like from a totally different person! She as being really nice and I decided to give things a chance and get to know her as a nice person. It's actually gone really well and even when we have met in person she has been really nice and keeps the ex in line. I was thinking this was some kind of temp thing and she would resort back to her old ways but I haven't seen that happening so that works for me. We have actually talked about things like our upcoming weddings and she has asked me things about the ex and our past and let me know she appreciated my honesty. She always thanks me and is very nice and respectful. She even apologized for lying about some minor thing and said she felt bad she lied to me lol

I never thought this would be the situation with this lady. I think it's great especially if my daughter at some point starts to see her Dad.

Just wondering what kinds of experiences you guys have had with your ex's women.

LesPaul

I had a good relationship with my ex's wife.  She treated my daughters very well, and he was a better dad when he was with her.  They are recently divorced, so I don't have much contact anymore, but we were fine.  My daughters will keep in touch with her somewhat going forward because she is their half-sister's mom.

cwcottage

That's a good thing LP. From what I have heard I think this is not the norm. It seems like a lot of times the new woman has issues with the ex-wife more then the other way around.

The part that's hardest for me and I have talked about this with my FI is giving her too much information about my ex. The bad stuff. So I don't volunteer any info unless she asks me then I do so in as neutral way as possible. There was some abuse at the end of the marriage and she comes from a previous marriage with abuse. She knows why we are divorced but I think she thinks it was a one time thing. She has asked me a few details and I have answered her honestly. I don't think she had any idea. She says he is a different man now and I tell her I think that's wonderful and I am so glad he treats her right. But I wonder about that. Little things she says and things I see.

It's just kind of weird. I just kind of want to be supportive for her. Of all people lol

Sue-n-Kevin

My ex's wife is the one that is vile, my ex & I get along fine.

Reader's Digest version: My ex was verbally abusive to my son from a previous relationship when we were together. This is why he is an ex. He can only be "dad" to girls, because my ex's dad had 3 boys and was abusive to them: he had no role model for how to be a father to boys, but he can charm all the ladies, regardless of age! He & I work hard to make sure our now 15 year old daughter feels loved & secure.

However, his wife is a total biatch to our daughter, and she & I never speak. But, she is a biatch to her own kids too, just doesn't have the "loving, nurturing Mom gene" that most women have. I know my ex regrets marrying her, but he did it for his own personal reasons: her family has money, and so since that is meaningful for him, he proceeded. She is apparently the only one in her family like this; my daughter tells me how nice her brother and parents are.

So now I relish with glee the fact that my ex is now caught in a situation like mine was, where he was not nice to my son and I had to make a decision to end that relationship. He's caught in that uncomfortable position now and I don't know how long, if ever, he will make the courageous decision I did. The good news is my daughter now knows I did not make my decision to end the relationship with her dad in a willy-nilly fashion, that I found it unacceptable to allow him to be mean to my son and chose to remove him from our home. She was 5 when he left, so she doesn't remember how we used to fight. But now she's mature enough to know that it sucks to be treated that way and sees that her dad is the weak one.

It sounds as though your ex's fiance is opening up to you. I think this is good, and the fact that you are answering her questions in a neutral way is also a good decision. I'd just caution you that it's hard for people to change their ways this drastically, be careful, because you never know what she's relaying to your ex

Good luck.

cwcottage

Sue, that is just heartbreaking. I had a friend in a similar situation. She had a son from a previous relationship, the sweetest little boy you can imagine, and her husband treating him so badly. It was so hard to watch. He turned out great though, luckily,

How poetic your ex is in the same situation as he put you. I see how the new spouse can treat the step kids this way. It's like some kind of resentment thing. They need to grow up and realize how much they are effecting these innocent kids.

And yes, I assume everything I talk to his FI about will get back to him so I am very guarded. Thanks for sharing.

SueR13

My ex is mean and vile. His wife of 6 years is civil when they're together, but when he's not around, she and I get along fine.

I recently took my younger daughter on vacation in FL. The wife was in FL with her brother. DD and I went to spend an evening with them and had a really nice time.

pamila51510

I am friends with both of my ex's wives. They are wonderful woman. Very Passive so they are perfect for both of my exhusands. One exhusband i can't stand but his wife actually came over and did all of my daughters hair for me for the wedding as well as my mothers. Which was so kind and no she didn't come to the wedding she just came to do the girls hair while I was having mine done. The other exhusband came to the wedding with his soon to be fiance and she helped my mother set up the reception area. I am very lucky.

We all talk and it helps our girls because we are on the same page.

Good luck I hope it stays that way for you it is wonderful and when I have had issues we have been able to talk about it in a normal way without it becoming stupid.  

cwcottage

Great replies. It's good to hear there are people out there in this situation and things are going well. Gives me hope lol

2dBride

My ex doesn't have a girlfriend at this point.  However, I was always cordial to his gfs when he had them.  If nothing else, my ex tended to be a bit easier to deal with when he had a gf in his life.

shericamarie

i prefer my Ex's new wife to him.  she is actually the best of all of them since we divorced (read - at least this one isn't a stripper)

good luck dealing with her - i hope she is being genuine

cwcottage

Well damn.

Just some background. When married we had 3 major joint credit cards. For the last 3 plus years I have paid them. I haven't been able to pay the balances off due to my change in income but I have always kept up the payments.

So I go online to pay one of them and see the account has been canceled. I texted the ex to find out what was going on. He doesn't respond.

A couple days later his GF texts me I will be getting papers from his lawyer but wouldn't tell me what they are just I need to abide by the divorce papers (which I am). Big mystery lol Got the papers today and all they are is copies of the papers filed. No biggie.

So then I ask again about the credit card thing and they both via text go into this rant about him canceling the cards and me "not living off his credit anymore"! I haven't used the damn cards at all. Just have been paying them.

So, looks like the honeymoon is over lol I politely told them both not to contact me directly anymore and to go through his attorney.

Here's the other thing. In Oct. at the last court hearing the judge told him he had 60 days to pick up his personal stuff. He hasn't. I told him yesterday he has 30 days at this point and I will be sending a registered letter as well telling him if he does not pick his things up they will be considered abandoned and become my separate property. Has anyone had this issue before?