What's different this time?

francophonia

My first wedding was extremely expensive. We were married in a church in a traditional orthodox ceremony, I wore a big sparkly ball gown, and we had an enormous bridal party, mostly his relatives. We served traditinal Bulgarian food, including a lot of meat (I'm a vegetarian, so this was another huge sacrificce for me). In fact, the whole wedding was a big sacrifice on my part. It was the perfect wedding for him, but not for me.

My second wedding was very, very different. First of all, I married a woman. We got married outside in a garden in a secular ceremony. It was an intimate wedding with a tiny bridal party, and we served an amalgamation of vegetarian comfort foods, like perogi and fries and grilled cheese. She wore a beautiful long flowy dress and I wore a knee-length dress. Our wedding was OUR wedding... with both our cultures, traditions, and personalities.

orangemell2012

My first was the big wedding, with 250+ people. Just way overdone and what our parents wanted.

My second wedding is going to be much smaller, all about my FI and I and truly a celebration of love and commitment. It will be very representative of us and we will be surrounded by close friends and family. 

mmmendi

First time I married because I thought I 'had' to, not because I wanted to. In six weeks, we threw together a church wedding with over 200, He pawned stereo speakers to buy rings for us. I rented a dress, he rented a tux, my mother wore black....It was 16 years before I was free.

This time, I am marrying someone I love. My mother said she doesn't even WANT to wear black to this wedding. He saved up to buy me a ring. We aren't marrying in a church, but that came down to money more than anything. It will be smaller, and there just doesn't seem to be drama with this one...thre is stress over details, but no crisis. My family is thrilled, Mother bought my wedding dress, everyone is pitching in through different ways to celebrate with us. Everything about this FEELS different. And it may be my age, but I think it is the glorious combination of all things good

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_whats-different-this-time-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:03063847-52be-4190-842f-78602de5a809Post:f4a0e1bc-575a-47eb-bb21-426d77e685dd">Re: What's different this time?</a>:
[QUOTE]First time I married because I thought I 'had' to, not because I wanted to. In six weeks, we threw together a church wedding with over 200, He pawned stereo speakers to buy rings for us. I rented a dress, he rented a tux, my mother wore black....It was 16 years before I was free. This time, I am marrying someone I love. My mother said she doesn't even WANT to wear black to this wedding. He saved up to buy me a ring. We aren't marrying in a church, but that came down to money more than anything. It will be smaller, and there just doesn't seem to be drama with this one...thre is stress over details, but no crisis. My family is thrilled, Mother bought my wedding dress, everyone is pitching in through different ways to celebrate with us. <strong>Everything about this FEELS different. </strong>And it may be my age, but I think it is the glorious combination of all things good
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Couldn't have said that better myself!</div><div>
</div><div>I married the first time the guy I dated in high school, the guy who got me pregnant at 17. I stayed with him and married him because it seemed like what I was supposed to do. Everyone seemed to get an opinion on things but me. I wanted small, he wanted big, so we did big. My mom made the centerpieces, and I didn't even see them until they were all done. There was tons of his family there, his estranged mother showed up and made a scene, I was so sick to my stomach from nerves that I didn't eat all day and ended up seriously drunk and mouthy. It was a mess that lasted for 20 awful years ( but did result in 3 wonderful children who I am so thankful for!)</div><div>
</div><div>This wedding we are working out what both of us want, We're not going to get up into "suppose-tas", and just doing things our way. We're not doing anything that's bad etiquette or anything, just not getting hung up on things that we don't care about. (Like we're spending the night before together, my dress is blue, little things like that don't really matter to guests, but will make us happy.) </div><div>
</div><div>This wedding is about love and happiness, the joy of spending our lives together, the awesomeness that I found my perfect match. 

</div>

Avion22

My first wedding was a family-only (parents/siblings/grandparents) DW.  Okay, we lived at the destination, and everyone traveled to us, but we wanted to get married on the water, and lived on the water, so we didn't see the need for everyone to travel someplace else.   I wore a dress and he wore a tux, but it was otherwise very simple.  

My second wedding was about 80 people, in a vineyard -- still simple, just a little bit bigger and more traditional.  And definitely more expensive (being older, we could afford to spend more, so we did -- not that you HAVE to spend more on a bigger wedding).   

I have no regrets from either, but I think I preferred the second one.  

timsflower81

My first was a tradional catholic ceremony and was everything my mother thought I should I have.  We had 150 guests and quite honestly it was the worst day of my life.  I cried so much unhappy tears it was awful.  

My second wedding had 7 guests, which includes Fi's 16 year old daughter who was our only attendant.  The day was absolutely perfect and everything WE as in - my FI and I wanted.  

RichNicci4211122

I was barely 18 years old and 8 months pregnant when I married the 1st time.  I was told by a county worker that my son couldn't have his last name when he was born because we werent married.  I was young and niave so we planned a wedding in about 2 weeks.  We were married in the judge's office downtown in a dress that I picked up off the clearance rack of a local department store.  My mom bought me a silk bouquet and a sheet cake.  I was married for 18 years to a man who was verbally and mentally abusive before I found the strength to leave.

This time around I am marrying the most wonderful man I could have ever known.  We are having a big wedding with the dress, flowers, cake ect.  But that's what we wanted.  A huge party to celebrate our love and happiiness.  And with only 4 days to go I can't wait!!!

20pearls16

My first wedding I was 22. I was marrying my "baby's daddy" because that what you were supposed to do. I had 4 BM's & 4 GM. Big church wedding and ballroom reception with 150 people. I was also graduating from college within the same month so it was very stressful.I thought I was in love but I could never identify with him being, "my best friend." It lasted 18 years before we divorced. I got 3 beautiful children out of the deal. 

This time it feels different. I don't feel like we have to get married because we don't have any children together. I am, without a doubt marrying my best friend. This wedding is smaller  and will be in a Arboretum surrounded by close family and friends. We are having a cocktail reception, cake, drinks and that's it. No sit down dinner, no assigned seating and crazy table charts, no first dance, no bridal party except our children, no DJ just the iPod etc. We are keeping it simple this time, just like our relationship. Drama free!

ginadog

Many things are so different!

The first time did not have a wedding dress, or guests or rings or anything.  We went to the courthouse, and then went back to work.  I felt pressured since he needed my health insurance to get a life saving surgery.  I didn't have 100% expectations of staying married actually.  It was more of a risk.

This time around I am having the dress, the honeymoon (actually the weddingmoon), the specialness, an awesome guy, we have the funds to splurge on hotels (mixed with camping because that is "us").  We are getting married simply because we want to!  It's the right time.  I vowed never to move in or get married under circumstantial cases (to save money, it's easier, etc).  it's just right this time.

However, there are two similarities between wedding one and wedding two.  Both were elopements and neither families have met each other before the wedding.  As in my ex ILS never met my parents, and my soon to be ILs never met my parents.  Unfortunately my dad has also passed away so they'll never meet him.  I think it has do to with my family just being just so lame.  These were two things I wanted so badly to avoid as I didn't want anything the same as the first time, but you cannot get everything!

bkhokie27

1st Wedding: Parents paid for mostly everything, Mom planned most of it, and we did the traditional thing (church ceremony, reception at a historic B&B).  It was my mom's wedding--not mine.  I was OK with that because I was too busy working myself into a frenzy over FI.  I wanted to make sure no one knew what an a-hole I was marrying (I "just knew" that if I married him that I could change him--lol).  Unfortunately, everyone DID know and I was the one who was so oblivious because I was "in love."

2nd wedding: We are paying and planning everything.  We know what we want in this wedding, but more importantly, we know what we want in this marriage. 

cornflwr33

My first wedding.. I was 20.. Thought he was The One! We were together for 3 yrs before the wedding but 1.5 was long distance bc he was active duty army. Felt we should get married to be together. I honestly don't remember having much input on the wedding planning.. Got married in my back yard.. Pretty casual... Had a prom dress that worked for a wedding dress... 3bm, 3gm. Realized he wasn't the one, that hewas cheating and turned to alcohol after his tour to Korea and got worse after Iraq. Met james and dated soon after. He is my life. Nothing like before. This time I'm planning. We are having about the same amount of people but 1bm, 1gm. We are planning it ourselves. My mom isn't very supportive so it's hard. My dad passed away when I was 19 so I wish she was more supportive. But it feels so much better than first time around. It feels right!

jennylee813

Back when my first wedding was being planned I used to joke that my 'next' wedding would be the one that I wanted. Little did I know!!!

My first was the 200 guests, Catholic wedding with plenty of drama. The only thing that we got to choose ourselves was the music played at the ceremony. Everything else was what our mothers wanted or things we HAD to do to keep the peace etc. I wanted to get married outdoors with beautiful poetry and music, and to dance under the stars.

And that's what my FI and I are planning this time. He picked the venue (family cottage) and came to me with the idea of having the wedding there - ceremony and reception. There's no pressure to include certain people just because of who they are (ie my sister - we don't even speak anymore). We are planning a big party to celebrate our love, not going through the motions to keep everyone else happy.

This is the wedding that WE want, and that's what's different.

sunridge1000

Wow, these stories brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing! True and respectful love is such an amazing gift.

ToneGirl

First time around we both were 24...been together for 6 years before we got married and did the long distant thing for 4 years of the relationship while we were in college.  Had a huge wedding with all the details...fancy dress, tons of flowers, limos, big party!  My parents paid over $25k for it.  7 years later, husband decides that I'm not good enough and cheats with his co-worker out of NO WHERE!  COMPLETELY blind-sided me.  They only thing good out of that marriage is our 3 year old son.   After a nasty divorce and thinking I would be alone forever, I found my prince charming and we are getting married next weekend!!

This time it's all about my fiance and I and our boys (he has 2 boys of his own from a previous marriage...she cheated too!)...small wedding with just immediate family and very close friends (40 people) in our backyard (just bought a house a few months ago).  So excited!!!  I have a dress I got from JC Penney for $75, got a caterer to drop off some food and just having a little ceremony in the backyard under our gorgeous pergola next to our little koi fish pond.  We have a gorgeous backyard so it will be perfect for a wedding.  This time around it's costly WAY WAY less and will be WAY WAY more special. 

I learned so much from my first wedding and find myself getting angry at brides who feel it's so necessary to spend thousands of dollars on things like a dress or for favors or "tears of joy" packets...who cares?!?!  Weddings have become a show more than what it truly is about...the love and celebration of 2 people becoming one.  This isn't knocking those that chose to have a big wedding but don't forget the true meaning of a wedding. 

katielinco

Right before my Dad walked me down the aisle at my first wedding, he turned to me and said, "You know you can still get out of it, kiddo."  I was 23 years old and knew I was making a mistake, just didn't know how to stop things once the ball was rolling.  It lasted less than 3 years and shortly thereafter, I joined the Peace Corps and traveled the world.

24 years later, I've never felt more confident about anything.  For me, the "what's different" answer is very easy - I'm different.  I have different expectations, different reasons for marrying and a different groom. 

The wedding is just the party to celebrate the relationship.  The "big event" is the marriage itself and should never be forgotten with all of the fun and fuss.

p0tt3rgl33k

So, I got a letter from my apartment manager, saying that my bf (of five months) was over his stay limit and needed to be put on a lease or leave. I thought that they wouldnt care anymore if we were married. So, while he was playing Metroid Prime, I said that we should get married that Friday (pay day). He, without looking up, agreed. That was Tuesday. Thursday night, our direct deposit went through and we went to Wal-Mart. (That was also when I told my mom what was going on and begged her to come the next day. She couldnt make it.) I got a skirt and shoes. He got a shirt and tie. We also got silver rings. Maybe $100 bucks.... Then the marriage license (another $50)... and that was it. Courthouse wedding, six people there....

Seven years later... we are now in the middle of a (getting bitter) custody battle. At this point, I just want out. I just want to be divorced, so that I can marry the man of my dreams, who I have been with for 20 months.

That wedding will be totally different. As I am still chained to the ex, we are not in active planning stage... Just wishing stage. This will be the wedding that I wanted. This will be the one that my family can come to. This will be the one with an actual reception. This will be the one with the amazing dress. Much bigger and much more us....