Asking FSIL to be a BM

Erin McCormack

Last night FI brought up the subject of having his sister in the wedding ( her husband is the Best Man).  Here lies the dilemma.

When we were first planning the wedding I had suggested having FSIL as a BM, FI said that he didn't want that because she was the MOH in his 1st wedding and he didn't want any repeats.  My answer: different, bride, new wedding.  So I respected his wish's.  Since then, she's been helping me with wedding ideas (favors etc) and will be going with us to pick out the dresses on Sat. 

Now I have to find a delicate way of asking her to be in the wedding party (which is what I wanted in the first place) without having her feel like this is an afterthought on my part.  FI told me to just ask her and put the blame on him, but, I still feel terrible that she may be a bit upset.  She's been wonderful throughout this whole time and I don't want to hurt her feelings.  FI just doesn't get it (typical man)  His suggestion, " Just tell her we're expanding the wedding party, it's as easy as that".  I would like a more tactful and sincere approach.  Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Sorry for the long post !

Thanks Ladies...

Sloane99

It sounds like you really like your FSIL and it also sounds like your FI is more than okay with you being honest so can you just explain the situation to her the same way you explained it to us?

Sloane99

Sorry - wanted to add that I think the whole "expanding the wedding party" thing is actually more insulting than the truth.

I would love to know I was wanted in the first place and the circumstances around why that wasn't the case rather than a wedding party expansion which makes it sound like she's an add on.

right1thistime

Agree with Sloane - " you know what a dope your brother is, right?  Well, initially, when I told him I wanted you in the WP, he was all crazy because you were the MOH his first go-round.  I tried and tried to point out that a different bride really made all the difference, but he's so dang stubborn, I just backed off.  Now that its suddenly his idea, he's all for it.  I'm kinda embarassed asking you at this point, but I want you to know how much I have come to love you, and I would be really honored if you would be there with me.  You have already done more than I could ask for, I don't want anything more of you than to just <buy the dress and show up> (whatever you want)."  ~Donna

Erin McCormack

Thanks Sloane, that's what I was thinking.  I don't want her thinking she's an add on when in reality she was a choice from the beginning.  I also don't want her to feel bad thinking that her brother didn't want her in it as it might be bad Karma...  I think I might just tell her that I'd love for her to be in the wedding and that FI was having a hard time figuring on a groomsman so I had to wait on him.  Hopefully it will come off as sincere as it is. Wish me luck.   

Erin McCormack

Funny thing Donna, she'd get exactly what your saying. 
Men .....  LOL !

  As they say, can't live with them, can't live without them!  If that's all he does, than I think I'll keep him

melissamc2

I'd lay it out there completely honestly, no watering down anything.

"I wanted you in the wedding party from the beginning but your brother got the heebie jeebies when thinking of having anyone carry-over from his first wedding.  Now he realizes how much I like you and how it makes sense to include you."

Done.   Good luck.

AbbeyS2011

I agree with PP - be honest.  I am sure she knows him all too well, and will understand his so-called logic!  You two can laugh about it later on!