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Second Weddings

Third marriage - will I be judged?

I am going into my 3rd marriage, and we will be getting married as soon as my divorce from the last husband is final (a year separation required by the state, will be in Nov). I was married to the last husband less than 6 years (with him 11). I feel my reasons for leaving him were very legitimate, and I love my fiancé. But I am worried people will judge us. I assume a "real" wedding is out of the question but I don't want to spend a fortune again any way so I can live with that. But I am really hoping people will be happy for us, and that we can send announcements out that will be well received. I am also worried because I don't want people to think the announcement is a gift expectation because I just want to share what is for us very good news. We will probably be having a "just us" or very small handful of people wedding so if anyone has ideas how to make it really special sans all the expense and guest list I would love to hear. I hope this type of wedding can still feel special. Thanks for your help!

Re: Third marriage - will I be judged?

  • It will feel special to those that matter - you and your FI!  And, yes, you will be judged.  Doesn't matter if it's your first or third marriage - there will always be someone judging...this is an unfortunate reality.  I feel like I'm being judged by my own mother when it comes to my getting married a 2nd time.  So, if my own mother is being judgemental, imagine what other friends and relatives are thinking.  But I do not care...if they don't want to be happy for me, that's their issue, not mine.  It comes down to this:  you cannot control what others think or feel.  As far as an actual ceremony or celebration, maybe just have a ceremony at a pretty park or beach and then go to dinner at a nice restaraunt.  Good luck!
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  • The people who know you, know your story, and who love you will be happy for you.  As far as an announcement being a invoice for a gift, it never has been.  Announcements were always simply that, an opportunity for the couple to announce their marriage.

    Be that as it may, some may CHOOSE to get you a gift.  For pete's sake, let them. 

    And if you end up married, my dear, you have had a real wedding. And you are entitled to have one, seeing as you are getting married.  The presence of guests, a white dress, engraved invitations, bridal party, showers, cake, first dance, etc. do not make it real.  What makes it real is two people who love each other declaring that in an official way in the eyes of their state.  (With apologies to the same sex couples whose states do not allow them to have a legal wedding...I think they are perfectly real in my book.)  ~Donna
  • Screw what other people say.  Make yourself happy.  I'm on my 3rd as well and FI and I are doing it our way.  No one who cares about us has judged us (as far as we know, lol).  Remember: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." (Bernard Baruch)
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited September 2012
    Honestly?  Yes, of course, you will be judged.  But, why do you care? Go ahead with your plans.  And, as Donna said, if/when you get married -- it will be a real wedding.

    ETA:  Whatever you do, be sure to hire a photographer to capture the ceremony and reception (if there is one)!
  • I'm sure you will be judged, as will I almost the same circumstances...but I dont care. Our friends and family that love us, will be there and be happy with our celebration....those who wish to create drama will not be involved. Enjoy your wedding and your future... Smile and plan away! I am too!!!
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  • Yes, you will be judged. But you will always be judged about anything you do by people who just feel the need to judge. The thing is, just don't worry about those people. “Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” -- Dr. Seuss
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  • Your wedding day is about YOU and YOUR FIANCEE so have whatever kind of ceremony you want (and can afford, lol).  I am waiting for the ink to dry on the filing papers myself, but am already planning my wedding to the man I love...he is fine with it, my REAL friends are fine with it, and anyone who truly loves me will be fine with it - anyone else, can keep it to themselves.  Life is way too short to be unhappy and if you have found that with someone new, then why not shout it from the rooftops and celebrate with a wedding. Congrats!
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