Second Weddings

Re: Prenup?

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    A Pre-nup typically only covers the first 5 years of marriage after that it's all common property, assets, and debt. 

    The bad thing about pre-nups is they get one thinking about protecting their assets in the possible event of divorce which we hope isn't the outcome.  Unfortunately your post doesn't sound like you ae as sure of your man as you need to be.

    "My concern is that he'll have the large debt that I'll assume, and if things don't work out (hopefully not - but the worry wart in me thinks otherwise), I'm SOL with the loan, the house payment, and him running off with half of what I own because I have the abilities and he's got no real assets... "

    Have you talked about getting a pre-nup with him, he will have to read it, agree to it and sign so hopefully you have talked with him about your fears.
  • edited December 2011
    Ok - I only have a few minutes, but I want to write more than just - absolutely get a prenup.

    I think you need to re-think your financial strategy.  With or without a prenup, with the plan you are currently stating, you are in a lose/lose situation and he is win/win if the marriage dissolves.  Look at it this way:  in 10 years, with you paying his student loan, and him paying half the mortgage, he ends up with some equity in the house, and with his school loan reduced.  I would suggest that you change the strategy to have him pay all of the school loan, and that any difference after that be used for consumable living expenses (electricity, food, utilities, etc.)  That way, in 10 years, all the equity in the house remains yours, and he still ends up with the loan reduced.  If you stay together, and I am wishing a long lived happy marriage, there is no real difference in the joint financial picture.  However, if you seperate, you are far more likely to have your prenup honored, assuming that it says assets and liabilities brought into the marriage remain the property of the one who acquired them prior to the marriage. With him contributing to the mortgage, the equity acquired during the course of the marriage may need to be split.  I have no understanding of CA common property laws.  I am just looking at it from a common sense perspective. 

    With respect and kindness - I am adding that your story concerns me.  At 33, he is not a just graduated kid.  If he chose to attend college as an adult - I am surprised he chose to dive so deeply into debt without the sense of how he would repay it.  If he attended college after high school, why is he still so far in debt?  I can see this story ending up in an alimony situation. 

    I wish you luck.  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    FYI - I read an article recently that said that in the event of divorce, particularly with an emphasis on student loans, that debt will go back to the person who brought it in.  It said it varies from state to state but I would check into that legally before you worry about a prenup.
  • LindaN21LindaN21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would definitely get a prenup!!  I know it does not sound romantic but in all practicality you need to protect yourself.  I wish you a long and happy marriage!! 
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I agree Marissa - but if 40% of it has been paid by the partner who did not incur it- I doubt that there would be retroactive return to the husband (in this case).  So if Dawn paid $32000 of the loan principal, I doubt the court would necessarily reduce his equity by a comparable amount.  I think that the remaining debt would be assigned to him, but that the equity achieved would be split proportionally between the parties.  Debt reduction doesn't typically get considered as an asset, equity does.  He already has the education.   ~Donna
  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The others have covered the main parts to this pretty well, so I'll just say this:

    PRE-NUPS FOR EVERYONE. 

    Most people view them in very limited terms, but a pre-nup CAN be written up to include multiple things. I love my fiance very much - I'm also very cynical and nearly a decade older than him, on my third marriage, and haven't had to "work" in over 17 years - which doesn't make hopping back into the workforce, regardless of my skills, an easy task should anything go awry.  Without going into a lot of detail, our prenup is pretty involved and includes clauses, and provisions, for very specific events/outcomes.

    We, especially many of us on this board, have to be realistic in the midst of wedding excitement and all the lovey feelings.  Marriages don't always last and just admitting that fact doesn't doom your own - it just means you're prepared.

    I consider pre-nups the same as insurance - you hope you never have need for it, but it's nice to have it just in case because you can wind up really screwed if you don't.
    10-10-10
  • prusgirlprusgirl member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Also plan how you are going to handle ALL your finances!

    With his financial background you clearly CANNOT get any joint anything with him!  I am an HR person and I had an employee in tears because her husband and her filed their taxes together.  Long story short when the IRS came...he had no job so they took ALL of HER property. 

    I would go beyond us and see a tax attorney too because you may be married forever but, you don't want creditors to come after you over his debts.

    Good luck. 
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I am SO GLAD this topic has arisen.  I had given a prenup agreement a passing thought, just that, in and out.  In fact, my fiance and I had never discussed it ... until I mentioned this post to him.  While our situation is very different from that described in the original post, this is as good a way as any to kick off our own discussions on the topic.  Good deal.

    Thanks to all!
  • zr8derzzr8derz member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes... Yes... YES!
    For all the reasons states above and so many more. Especially in California. Everyone in my world has stated multiple times that in today's reality it is a necessity, no matter what the current financial situation is.
    As James so eloquently states - Nothing Else Matters! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ivygarlandivygarland member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think all the previous posts have good ideas -- but student loan debt remains with the individiual who borrowed, unlike other types of debts.

    Prenups don't have to be about fear of divorce -- just about laying out expectations and realities. Especially if you have kids already -- it can make it clear what goes to whom.
  • edited December 2011
    My ex totally screwed me even with the prenup.  I saw get one.
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