Seriously lost...

armystronglove

This is me and my fiances second marriage. His first marriage was traditional, nothing big. My last marriage was semi-planned, trashed, and we went with eloping.
My soon to be husband is currently deployed leaving me to do all the planning, organizing, and occasionally he brainstorms with me.
I've got a million ideas and a budget that mocks me sarcastically. I have a general idea on what to do, how to go about it but here is the problem..

I'm confused!!!!!!

I'm doing this by myself with almost zero help fired MOH (maid of honor) that's another story, I have no family, his family is split and busy. I don't quite know how to organize the ceremony/reception or how to get people to do things, once they show up, or how to get things to flow evenly.

We've created a sorta mess, in not having a traditional deejay situation, having a potluck dinner/semi-catered, and a million other things that require someone handling/controlling, creating an issue with finding warm bodies to do so, preferably without having to pay an arm and a leg.
I need someone to just 'manage' everything, because I'm not management material. I think the wedding day is going to be chaotic, and I'd rather enjoy the day and not have to be so stretched thin micro-managing every little thing, having to circle to make sure everything is being done or going to get done..

God what should I do?
I'm ready to pull my hair out, this is why I keep dropping elope hints.

melissamc2

First of all, relax.  Planning a wedding CAN be stressful - but it doesn't HAVE to be.

Not having "help," isn't a huge problem - there are a lot of us pretty much doing it on our own.  Get your fiance involved to whatever degree he can be from a distance.  Several of us have had deployed fiances that have still been able to contribute little bits and pieces here and there.  If at all possible (I know it varies based on location and trade as to how often they can call/email), send him an email with a few simple choices.  That way he can feel involved and you've got one or two less decisions to make on your own.

Next, decide what your budget is, what you want, where you want it, and what you're willing to modify in order to get it all.  Being willing to cut corners in a couple of areas can allow for you to have a more elaborate something else.

Make lists and manage your time well.  The one thing I've noticed about most brides-to-be who are constantly "stressed out" over it all is that they either try to do too much at once or put off too much for too long.  Spacing it all out will help you get it done AND not hate it.

Are you hiring a decorator or doing everything yourself (as far as decorating goes)?  Do you have a location for the ceremony and reception already reserved?  That's your biggest concern at the moment, honestly.  Have somewhere to do it and then you can start planning how to do it.

I plan on the side, as well as being in the thick of planning my own third wedding, so I'm more than willing to walk you through a few things, including where to look for coordinators that won't break the bank.

Good luck and congratulations!

pierrette123

Seriously use your vendors....alot.  They know people in the business and they pass deals onto the brides if they get business between each other.  Don't be afraid to negotiate.  Most importantly don't be afraid to tell them what your budget is.  Your FI will contribute as best as he can from whereever he is. 

I found the checklist on this site to really help me get organized and it's free.  You decide what you want for your wedding and just go down the list.  Most times it keeps you ahead of the game and you can create your own budget, but most importantly, it's kept me from a complete meltdown.  This can be a hugely intimidating endevour but don't let it defeat you.  Look at it as a challenge.  You can do it.

Congrats to both of you and Good luck

deepcovejackie

What about scaling down the plans a bit?  Have a simpler reception, and maybe serve appetizers instead of a full dinner.  Or have a dessert reception.  That would be more budget-friendly.  What about your venue?  Are you committed to that for sure?  Can you find a more budget-friendly option?  What about a smaller guest list and have the wedding at a restaurant?  You don't need a dj, just use an IPOD if you want music.  If you're not wanting to micromanage, a potluck reception sounds like a lot of stress!

Your MOH shouldn't be expected to help with planning anyway.  What happened with her?

There's a budget brides board for good ideas on saving money.  Good luck with your planning.

2dBride

The first thing you need to decide is how many people you need to invite.  The fewer there are, the easier it will be to manage with the budget you have.

The next issue is how to simplify the planning.  For example, you might consider having your ceremony and reception in the same place.  That way, you're not having to coordinate two vendors (and it often brings down the cost, as well).You might also want to forego a wedding party, since it sounds like there has been drama in that area already, and it definitely complicates things.

Potluck is not going to work if you have out of town guests, since they will typically not have access to a kitchen in your area.  Otherwise, if you decide to do it, you need to make clear that a) bringing food is optional, and b) for those who do bring food, it is in lieu of a gift.  And even then, it should be done only if your invitees are used to and comfortable with potlucks, because you don't want to risk someone bringing something that isn't properly heated/refrigerated, and ends up causing food poisoning.  More advice on potluck weddings can be found here.

If that is too complicated, you might want to consider just a cake and punch reception.  That would cut way down on the cost and the need for planning.

It's really easy to get tied up in all the things you "should" have at your wedding, and end up with chaos.  Instead, think of how you would manage a party for the number of people you want to invite--and then do it.  A reception is, after all, just a party.  It does not require a DJ, decorations, lighting effects, etc.  Your guests would rather see you and your new husband enjoying yourselves and being hospitable than to have every last wedding tradition followed.

KilleenBride

also buy a binder planner they have them at a bunch of different places and as soon as you open it check off all the things that you are not haveing at your wedding and reception, after you do that you will see that there really isn't that much involved. Some brides make it alot harder then it really is. If you try to be one of them then you will probably go insane lol j/k. Just take a deep breath and remember that this is your and you FI's day so whatever ya'll decide will be great

Leslyblanc

Think about the possibility of assigne someone to be in charge of the details for the day of the wedding (even if you have to pay someone for it it's worthy!), to keep you relaxed and not worrying if this or that vendor is on time and etc...If possible, get all your payments made in advance and leave the vendors contact, details and receipts with the assigned person. Between having a semi catered reception, it's best to have a smaller but full catered one. Write down in your cell, in a binder or computer all your plans and make a back up plan that will work in case something else doesn't go well...like rain in an outdoor wedding (negotiate in advance tents and on the weddingd week follow the weather channel and see what are the possibilities). Everybody here gave you great ideas...read them all, write down the ones that you think may be applied to your case and mostly important, relax because most people will put up with something that didn't go well, but not with a stressed bride, or even worse, a bridezilla!!!

joannacolorado

Great advice on here.  I did number of people first, venue, dress and on down the list.  I think one thing that's really important that a few other people mention is that you really focus on what you want to create for that day.  NOT what you think other people want but really what is in your heart for the experience of that day.  I am planning a second wedding and we are doing the full scale thing!  The first I eloped.  It was awful.  I was sad, alone and wishing I had more people around me that day.  You will figure it all out and when you are really overwhelmed, walk away and come back later.  It will get easier as you get clearer on what it is that you want.