Is this unorthodox or just plain tacky?

NYChick

We are having a tiny immediate family-only wedding in our backyard on Thanksgiving day. One of the reasons is that we just moved here one year ago, so we don't have really have very close friends out here.

I am thinking of having a cocktail party at a restaurant the night before the wedding, and inviting some of my new friends and colleagues, to meet my family who will be in town, and also as a celebration of our marriage.

Is this a crazy idea? I don't want it to seem like I am trying to get gifts from people without including them at the wedding. I would invite them to the cocktail party as a non-wedding related event, but they will know that I am getting married the next day.

What do you guys think?

melissamc2

If you want an honest opinion, I think it's unorthodox AND tacky.

If you know them well enough to be sure they won't be offended, then go ahead.  However, if you know them that well - invite them to your wedding.

I guess a few questions may clear things up a bit more, though:

1.  Would you be paying for everything at the dinner the night before?
2.  Will there be so many that it just won't work in your backyard to invite them?
3.  Is money an issue when it comes to hosting a reception following the marriage ceremony?
4.  Have you talked about the wedding/wedding date with these people?
5.  DO you "expect" gifts at the get-together the night before?  (We don't know you, so answer honestly! Haha)

NYChick

Ok, let's see:

1.  Would you be paying for everything at the dinner the night before?

I would yes, although I don't think I can afford dinner for everyone. I was thinking cocktails and appetizers maybe.

2.  Will there be so many that it just won't work in your backyard to invite them?

Yes, they wouldn't all fit in the yard.

3.  Is money an issue when it comes to hosting a reception following the marriage ceremony?

Yes, we do not have a lot of money, and are therefore trying to spend as little as possible. Also, it's goign to be thanksgivign day, so I assume people will want to be with their own families.

4.  Have you talked about the wedding/wedding date with these people?
Yes, they know because I am taking a couple of days off work to spend with my  family members from out of town.

5.  DO you "expect" gifts at the get-together the night before?  (We don't know you, so answer honestly! Haha)
No, I think I would feel more awkward if they gave me gifts, especially anything substantial.

Maybe  you're right, though...I was rethinking this today. I would say that the biggest reason we are keeping the wedding so small is that both my fiance and I are very shy, private people. A big party with coworkers etc the day before the wedding would probably exhuast us mentally and physically- a silly thing to do the day before the 'big day.'

melissamc2

Here is a happy medium, perhaps, based on what you replied with -

How about get married just as you plan to - small ceremony with family at your home on Thanksgiving.  THEN, maybe two or three weeks later, have an open house holiday party at your home to invite co-workers over to "celebrate" everything at one time.  It can be your first party as a married couple, but there is no awkward pressure of gifts or set time frames, because it could just be a come-and-go finger food/cocktail type deal.

I think that's what I'd do in your situation!

I hope things go well!  We're getting married on Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada (it's in October, but still, same basic holiday)!  We kid around that we're having the biggest, most extravagant, Thanksgiving dinner in our city.

NYChick

That's a good idea. The only thing is that they wouldn't get to meet my family, bu it still mmight be a nice idea.

Another Thanksgiving day bride- awesome! Why did you guys decide to have it on the holiday? Are you dealing with extra fees for everything too?

melissamc2

Up here, Thanksgiving Sunday is on October 10th.  We didn't know that until we'd picked our date - 10-10-10.  We just like how it looks on everything and thought it'd be a neat date to have.

It's worked out to our advantage in some ways (reception venue rental was cheaper), and has really screwed us over in others (cake delivery from Toronto is $250 - yes, JUST the delivery).

It is helpful that it's also Columbus Day in the States, so people in both countries have the following day off (in most cases).

We love that our venue is preparing a full traditional Thanksgiving dinner for our reception!  The chef and  his assistants will be in that morning to hand stuff each fresh turkey with homemade stuffing and all the trimmings.

So, I guess it has its pros and cons. 

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_this-unorthodox-just-plain-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:0db28422-b3be-49f9-b5ea-085dc83e1e33Post:e683a3d7-f94f-477d-8a7e-69a2c0826c4d">Re: Is this unorthodox or just plain tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]We love that our venue is preparing a full traditional Thanksgiving dinner for our reception!  The chef and  his assistants will be in that morning to hand stuff each fresh turkey with homemade stuffing and all the trimmings. So, I guess it has its pros and cons. 
Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]

OK -- I'm totally hijacking this post.  Sorry.  BUT ... yummy!  Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings sound absolutely wonderful!   Yummmmmmmy!!  That makes me want to get my butt to the grocery store today and have a "mini" Thanksgiving dinner tonight.  Ha!

NYChick

You're right- it has pros and cons. We picked it because everyone, including family members in college, etc. gets a four day weekend, and can come visit us (since they live in other parts of the country).


We are going to do the turkey and trimmings too! Yours sounds like it will be great. This is making me hungry!!

right1thistime

Even the night before Thanksgiving is probably inconvenient for most people.  I know I am up to my elbows in pie making, linen ironing and house cleaning for the next day.  Others are either traveling or getting ready to travel.  Parents with older kids are getting T-day game ready. 

I would decline a cocktail party non-wedding event for that night.  ~Donna

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