Second Weddings

Poll: Are you taking his last name?

Hello, ladies! So, I'm an encore bride. My FI is also divorced. He has two kids, and I don't have any. His Ex kept his last name, so she and their kids will have the same last name. Now, I'm debating about taking his last name. I would like to, but I feel weird since the kids' mother has that name. I'm really thinking of hyphenating. But, my FI wants me to take his name. He understands where I'm coming from. I totally do not want to take anything away from their mom. Also, since I don't have kids, I feel that I'm keeping part of myself if I just hyphenate, or just keep my last name. Does anyone think it's 'weird' to have the same last name as your FI's ex-wife, the mother of his children? TIA
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Re: Poll: Are you taking his last name?

  • edited December 2011
    I have 2 children from my XH and I kept his last name (for the kids).  I debated changed to my FI's name because I still felt the need to be the same as my kids.  But it was very important to my FI for me to have his name and get rid of the other married name.  I'm apparently not very emotionally attached to last names since it's changed so much (LOL!) but I'm more than happy to make him happy by changing mine. You're reading too much into sharing the last name with his XW.  He's voiced that it's important to him.  I would do it for him...and for any future children (if you all are having any)
  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I'm taking his name.  I kept the XH name because at the time my daughters were young and I didn't want our names to be different.  But they're 16 & 18 now and understand it. Yes, it's a hassle to change it.  But worth it - I want to be known as Mrs. ____.  And I hope it aggravates his XW - the beatch deserves it.  No way she gets his name and I don't.
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  • ZoolooZooloo member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My fiance is considering taking my name, which perhaps would work in your situation if you really want to have the same last name as your spouse. It doesn't always have to be the woman taking the man's name.
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  • nmauser82nmauser82 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I will be taking his name, but right now I am planning on hyphenating. Only because I went through so much hassel with the state of florida in order to change my name back to my married name, that I don't really want to give it up again. Maybe when It gets closer to the wedding (a year away) I will change my mind and just go with his name, but for now, thats my plan.
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Whether the ex keeps his name or not has no bearing on whether you should change yours.   I am sure that your FH and his ex are not the only two adults with that last name in the world.  And indeed, the ex may not keep it forever.  If she changed her name once when she married him, she may well change it again if and when she remarries.

    The more important factor is your statement that, "I feel that I'm keeping part of myself if I just hyphenate, or just keep my last name."  You are not obligated to take his name any more than he is obligated to take yours.  Unless you have a reason to change, why do it?

    I've kept the same name for 56 years now, and I could count on one hand the times it has even been a minor inconvenience.  By contrast, changing my name when I got married, when I got divorced (not by my choice, I might add!), and again when I remarried would have been an issue in terms of everything from preserving my professional reputation to having old friends able to find me on Facebook.
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What if his XW gets married in the future.  She will probably be taking the new H name.  It's not like she is "Mrs. John Smith" anymore, she is just Jane Smith.  Take his name and be proud!
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  • dwashcodwashco member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am going to take my FI name.  I honestly can't wait.  I kept my XH name because I didn't want to risk the good credit score that we had spent years maintaining, but when he got remarried a month after the divorce was final I really wished I had reverted to my maiden name.  I can't wait to divest myself of his name, although I have considered hyphenating my maiden and FI's name.  The only thing holding me back is it would make it a 21 character last name.
  • katenskatens member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm somewhat glad I don't have to make this decision for a while.  When I first started dating my FI, I was determined not to take his name because I thought it felt too awkward to have two MRS. around (me and his XW). 
    As I've asked around, and read ur posts, you all have such very good points, and I've realized myself that my previous thoughts may probably be wrong.
    On one hand I agree with PP who mentioned that "no way she (XW) gets his name and I don't". 
    On another hand, I just love my maiden name.  I've come to terms with the fact that I won't carry on our family name (no boys), but, right now I'm thinking I just can NOT part with my last name, the one I was born with.  It's so unique, and after doing our family history, I'm so proud of it.  As a teacher, I love it when they call me Miss so-and-so. 
    I asked my FI what he thought about it, and he told me as long as our children have his name, it's fine.  Which is fine with me too.  Although I wonder if I hurt his feelings at all, I couldn't tell....does it really hurt your man's feelings if you don't take his name?
  • gosuzygosuzy member
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am struggling with this. My maiden name was foreign and hard to spell and pronounce. When I was a kid, I decided that when I got married, I would go for practicality. If my husband's name was easier, I would take it. If it was harder, I would keep my maiden name.

    My first husband had a plain vanilla name, which I gladly took. It sounds great with my first name, and I am known professionally that way. I spent the first 23 years of my life with my maiden name, but the next 24 with my married name, and it really is my identity now. I have a child with that name, but she's grown now, so that's not really an issue.

    Now I'm getting married a second time. Second husband has another inconvenient foreign name, although it's not too bad. He also has THREE ex-wives, all of whom kept his last name. Ex #3 still lives in the same small town where we will be living, and we have to cross paths with her occasionally.

    I really REALLY REALLY don't want to have the same last name as his ex. Plus changing my name will also be a huge paperwork hassle. And I've become much more of a feminist over the years, so the whole changing name thing bothers me because of that too.

    FI says he doesn't really care, but deep down I can tell he'd prefer me to take his last name.
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