Too Sensitive???

futurestepmama

Ok, so am I being too sensitive here?  My FMIL has a picture of my fiance's ex and the kids on her mantle.  It bugs me every time I go over there.  We do NOT have a good relationship (her choice, not mine) and the picture was taken after my fiance and I got together as a "Ok, you're moving on?  Well, we're taking you out of every family picture we've ever had so we don't have to look at you."  It would be different if it were an old family picture of all of them, but it's new.  They've been divorced for a long time, and my fiance and I have been together for 2 years now and I think it's really rude to have that there.I want my fiance to ask her to take it down, but he says she really didn't mean anything by it and will be really embarassed if she knows she hurt my feelings, but I really can't stand looking at it!  Plus, we've had family pictures taken and she doesn't hang those up.Am I being too sensitive?  I know she didn't mean a THING by putting the picture up, but it still really gets me.  Should I insist he ask her to take it down, or would that be viewed as immature?Thanks.

futurestepmama

I should clarify that the ex and I do not have a good relationship, not the FMIL and I.  The two of us get along well.

trueloveatlast

How about the two of you take the kids and get a family photo done?  Put it in a nice frame and give it to your future MIL.

futurestepmama

Actually, we did and it's not in her house?  Not sure what that means.  Hmmm...

brian&shelli

Well, that's a tough one.  How about this one?  FI still has his WEDDING PICTURE period. It's the huge, ginormous one framed.  Granted, it's in a box that's in our the back of the closet, but is that weird?  They were married for 21 years, and have been divorced for 9 years now....... hmmmm.  I don't have ANY pictures of my ex and I.  

jeannigirl

Your being over sensitive.  You have no right to ask or demand that she remove the picture it is her home she has the right to have whatever she wants.You will have to learn to cope with that and realize its nothing personal to you. They could be friends with her has well just because their son divorced  her doesn't mean they have to alineate her has her kids are their grandbabies.  

futurestepmama

Yeah, I figured the whole "too sensitive" thing was a possibility, hence the title.  If it weren't such a hateful relationship between fi and his ex it probably wouldn't bother me much.  For those of you who have lived the situation for a while, does it get any easier?  I get the whole life before me thing, the kids, the mom who's already had a daughter-in-law, and some of these things don't bother me at all.  And I'm never sure when something's going to jump out and decide to upset.  Does this go away?And yes, it's a little weird that he still has the picture, but at least it's not over the fireplace!  I have friends who are both in their second marriage, and they BOTH have pictures of their exes hanging in their hall.  Talk about strange...but I guess if it works, it works!

futurestepmama

PS, her son (my fi) didn't divorce her, she divorced him.  Not that makes a difference, just saying.  Thanks for the insight ladies!

NYHarleyBride

Hmm...I think it is a little weird that they took the picture after they were separated and you two were already together? Or did I get that wrong? I had a similar situation with an ex BF and after sending several pics of us framed for holiday gifts, his mother evenutally took them and replaced the old ones. It took a few years. I don't think you can demand it, but I understand how it makes you feel.

futurestepmama

Yes, it was after they were divorced and he and I were together.  It was taken as a "screw you" picture.We've sent pictures that aren't up.FI says that she really has no idea what she's doing, and probably doesn't even think about the fact that the picture's up.  He also says she would feel terrible if she knew something she did upset me, and that might make her uncomfortable, which I certainly don't want.  I would never demand anyone to change something in their house, or even ask.  Instead, I would explain that it upset me, but I doubt I even do that.I'll just do as advised and say "I won" when I see it.  Thanks for letting me vent.  It was much needed.

trueloveatlast

I'm confused - is it a photo of the ex-wife and the kids or is it the ex-wife, your FI, and the kids? 

futurestepmama

No, he wasn't in the picture.  Just the ex and the kids.

robinmichael

I guess I really don't understand why they had pictures made, even if it was just for the kids? I would think that would convey a message of "family" to the children that is a little skewed? Just an opinion. But since the photos were done after you two were together, FMIL would have to assume that you were ok with them being displayed, since they were made after you two were together. You have no grounds to be upset if you were ok with the photos being taken at the time, whether it was a pot shot at the ex(which makes absolutely so sense, since you WEREN'T in the picture) or whatever. You knew it was done, you AT LEAST ACTED OK W IT, so now face the reprocussions.