did you switch back to your maiden name after divorce?

CrissyH

When I was divorced, I never changed my last name back to my maiden name.  (I have children with my first husband and just thought it would be easier on them to keep their name)   Now that I am getting remarried I don't really feel right using my old married name for all the formalities...invitations, announcements and such.   I have a year before we get married (Aug 2010) - do you think I should make all the changes back to my maiden name so that when I wed it will be fresh and not associated with my ex?  or should i just get over it?  It just seems weird to me to see what i know as "my old married name" appear on invitations (or anything for that matter) that is associated with my FI.  What did you all do?  did you go back to your maiden names?  or are you just going with the ex's name?

CrissyH

ps...sorry that I didn't really introduce myself first.... I have been reading the Knot boards for a while and I just started posting today (in the Aug 2010 board).  I absolutely love reading about everyones weddings.  I have gotten so many answers/ideas from these boards. 

NYHarleyBride

Hi Crissy and welcome! I was in the same boat as you. I kept my married name (after not legally changing it from my maiden name but that's another story) because that is how I had become known proferssionally and it was much easier with my son. I have now been using that name for 20 something years.I am not reqally excited about changing it again, but there is no way I could be married to Mr. Hubby with Mr. ex-Hubby's name. He said it does not matter, but I know inside it would bother him more than it really bothers me to change.So, on our invitations, I did not use my middle name and instead put:My First Name  Maiden Name  Last Nameand His First Name  Middle Name  Last Namerequest the pleasure of your companyblah blah blahHTH!

LesPaul

I did the same thing as Harley.  I kept ex-H name because I didn't want it to be different from my daughters.  Now I'm changing to current H name because I think it would be too awkward to keep ex-H name while married to current H.  And I like current H name better anyway.  I used First Name, Maiden Name, ex-Name on invites.

handfast4me

I made it easy on myself, and never changed my name the first time, in 1985 (so no need to change it back) and didn't change it this time.  It's just sooooooo much easier that way, and who cares if, on occasion, someone erroneously refers to me as Mrs. HISLASTNAME?  I know who I am, I've developed my own personality and identity, I'm a professional, I'm published, and I am not his sister, so we have different last names.  Incidentally, on occasion, people erroneously refer to him as Mr. HERLASTNAME, and he doesn't care either. 

CrissyH

Thank you all.  I think I like the idea of using My First, Maiden Name, Ex-H Lname,  and then new husbands First, Middle, Last name on the invites.   My FI doesn't care one way or the other how it looks on paper.....but he often refers to me using my maiden name.   And I definately want his last name after we are married.  (and my kids are okay with that too, understanding that their name will be different)

nyrek

Welcome aboard Crissy! I never changed my name back for the same reason...it was easier for the kids sake.  But I am using my current (married) name on our invites.  That's been my name for the past 14 years now...few people, even in my own family, would recognize me with my maiden name. And his poor family would be like...Who's this girl! They know me with my name now, not from almost 15 years ago. My FI actually loves the fact that I'll be that name when I walk down down the aisle toward him...and then will have his name less than an hour later!

TerryB323

When I married the first time, I legally took my maiden name as my middle name and H#1's name as my last name.  Since I've now had that name much longer than I had my maiden name, when I get married this time, I'll us H#1's name as my middle name and H#2 as my last name.  Like it or not, it reflects who I am now, not what I was over 30 years ago that counts!

pamila51510

I just have to share my youngest asked me if she was gonna have to change her last name to.  I thought it was so sweet.  Her dad is very active in her life. I told her know you get to keep your daddies name. She was very pleased.  I will be changing my last name. But I am using the ex's on my invitations.  I think my FI takes pleasure in the fact that he feels that he is taking me away from him officially on our wedding day (although that isn't the case) I think he gets satisfaction in it.  Men will I ever understand them NO.    

Zooloo

I reverted to my maiden name as quickly as possible after the divorce. It feels good to have my identity back. I plan to keep my maiden name this time around. The only thing that's hard is that we can't easily refer to us all as a group, such as the _____ Family, because my fiance has one last name, the kids another, and me yet another, so when I sign Christmas cards and stuff, I have to write out all of our first names.

2dBride

I didn't switch back--but then again, I never switched in the first place.  I've been known by my birth name since birth, including all 20 years of my first marriage, and intend to keep it through this marriage, too.

handfast4me

I'm so glad I'm not the odd woman out in not changing my name--especially back in 1985.  Every woman I knew kept her own name, so it was really odd to me when I came to the knot and so many women were changing their names and criticizing those of us who didn't--like changing your name makes you married. ARGH.  I will support those who want to change their names, but I truthfully don't think it makes it easier (unless you're sending holiday greetings, as in pp above).  And it's a bear to do--my daughter changed hers, but she's been complaining about the process the entire time.  We had hyphenated her name, mine and her dad's, so she moved my last name to be her middle name, and dropped his last name.  But she signs everything with her entire name, first, middle, and last. 

mma3

I still have my ex's last name and am using it on my invitations.  Then I will change it once FI and I get married.  My daughter wants to use both....8 is such a fun age

Stephanie24/7

Hell yeah! We got married in the courts but I never changed my last name. The only reason he married me is because I was 3 months pregnant. We only knew each other 6 months at the time and we got married within two weeks of him finding out and we didnt tell until I was about 5 months. We weren't really in "love" we just were together because of my daughter. We had a love hate relationship. He cheated on me and I ignored it. After he left and we finally got a divorce I found out I was pregnant. He was remarried within months of our finalization of our divorce. He left her too and is on wife number 4. I would hate to walk around with his last name. It's already bad my kids do.

3plus2=5

I'm in the same position as Zooloo.  About 6 months after my separation I went back to my maiden name.  It felt sooo good to be me again.  I don't plan on taking my FI's name this time around (although he has been talking the last week or so about the idea of us both hyphenating our names).  We will be a 3 last name family and that's just fine with us.

Youngerthanever

Hi Congrats.This is my second marriage.  I took my maiden name back at the divorce.  My son was born before my first marriage and his name is hyphen with my last name and his father's last name.I do have a suggest.  We live in a wonderful time where anything goes. Use your husband to be's last name at the top in a large lettering and both of your names (First and Middle) under it.For example:      SMITH                        Jan Eve                          and                        John AdamsMake it unique and yours, also use it in the Program if you are using a Program.  I don't think any one will be the wises that you obmitt your ex-last name.  Good Luckand enjoy your new adventures.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Incidentally, on occasion, people erroneously refer to him as Mr. HERLASTNAME, and he doesn't care either.Our vet does this when my fiance brings in the cat. She calls him "Mr. Mylastname." He doesn't bother to correct it. He'll probably have a lot more of that in store for him in the future!