Ex-Husband Vent (long-ish)

mehgank

Hey ladies, I figured I'd come here to vent about my ex since I know you can sympathize.My ex is completely BSC. After our divorce, I came over to get the last of my stuff moved out of the house and into my apartment. When I got everything home, I realized I was missing a bunch of stuff. He assured me that that was everything, but I was specifically missing some sweatshirts that I had earned from my dance team in high school (they had a LOT of sentimental value, much like a letterman jacket). Anyway, our divorce decree specifically stated that I was to get all of my clothes. He violated that. I'm seriously considering taking his a$$ to small claims court, even for something as small as this (the sentimental value is much more important to me than the monetary value, I wish it were the other way around and he had just pawned a bunch of my jewelry or something).I'm just so heartbroken right now. This is the last straw (he's done MUCH worse stuff to hurt me, but this was just the breaking point for me). My ex had been using my brother in-law (my sister's husband) as a point of contact for stuff going on with the house we still co-own in Seattle. I told him to never speak to my family again, even for stuff on the house. He can find someone else. When I told my sister this, who also happens to be my MOH, she said "I can't just tell them to not be *****'s friend. He's the only uncle they've known their whole lives." I told her to tell them we're not married anymore or that he's dead or something, I don't care, he's no longer a part of my life. Plus, it doesn't seem fair to my current FI to have her kids still be attached to an uncle they'll never see again (if I can help it).I hope I don't sound too crazy here, I'm just really pi$$ed off right now.

2dBride

Yes, you can go after him for your stuff.  But no, you cannot tell anyone in the family not to have contact with him.  And most especially, you cannot require your sister or her husband to lie to their own children.  The kids have been taught their whole lives to love him, and cannot stop because you are mad at him.  And they cannot be put in the middle in an adult fight.

txmom21

As far as small claims court goes, I understand the sentimental value, but consider first if it will be worth all you will have to go through to get what you want. Will it be worth it in the end?I agree with the pps. You can't tell people who to be friends with. I am still extremely close to my ex-husband's brother and SIL, we socialize frequently, and their children still call me their aunt. I would be very hurt if my ex told the family I had been a part of for 17 years to not speak to me any more.

mehgank

Thanks for the advice ladies. I was only half-serious about the whole no-contact with my family thing. It just really irritates me that he's still a part of their lives even though he's barely even a part of my life. I know I can't control who they do and don't speak to. I just wish they could fully grasp how much he's hurt me over the past six years (he's an alcoholic, and always chose booze over me, hence why we're not married anymore).And it wouldn't be worth it to take him to small claims court. First of all, I'm moving away in about a month (Kodiak is an island and I'm moving all the way to Miami), and second of all, the cost of court would be more than what was lost is worth.  It just makes me wonder that if he's willing to break this part of our divorce decree set forth by the courts, what else is he going to violate, you know?

nyrek

How long have you been divorced, if I may ask.  It still sounds like there are some fresh wounds here.  You're considering spending the money for court costs, attorney fees, whatnot...plus waiting for a court date (in OH it's like 6-8 weeks, not sure where you're at.) So this anger and issue festers for the duration of this time.  Then what? The courts may order him to return your property...and (this is the real clincher in family law) he STILL may not give it to you. Then you start the process all over again.The items may have a lot of sentimental value to you...but they are just that...things.  You seriously need to consider if the energy you're putting into retrieving them is really worth it. Or is it going to cause any form of retaliation on his part. Is this going to eventually turn into a bigger issue that just keeps festering. Always remember...the best revenge is living a happy life. Good luck whatever your choice!