Second Weddings

Stressed... long, sorry!

Our wedding is in 18 days. I just sent out my invites to close family and friends this morning... all know about it, we really already know they will all be there. Here is the issue... his mom doesn't understand why we want to keep it all small and informal. This is a second marriage for both of us... it is outdoors at a park and we are not having a formal reception, just cake, drinks and MAYBE a BBQ afterwards at a pavilion that will only hold 30 people. He was going to invite only his three brothers and their wives. This weekend she throws a fit about it and says that they will all get upset if their kids (his neices and nephews) are not invited too. She started arguing, yelling and cussing at him, so we left. He didn't think his brothers would be like that, so he talked to two of the brothers -and sure enough, they wanted to know why we were keeping it so small. He told them, "Because it is about me, Christina, and her two boys becoming a family... no one else." His family always drinks or does some kind of other "self medicating" at every family function and we don't want that... he told them that as well. Neither he or I drink, so I am not going to pay for them to all act like idiots at my wedding. We have had about 7 weeks to plan all of this because we decided to get married outdoors in the Fall like we wanted... I still have plenty to do and don't need this added stress. Why do people have to make it about THEM??? I had to cut all relationship ties with my mom for this very reason... her negativity and some choices she made were bringing me, my FI and the kids down, so I chose to cut that tie. I would hate to see that happen with his mom, too, but it is heading in that direction.

Re: Stressed... long, sorry!

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Ok - being such a laid back wedding (which is fine) I don't see the big deal about not inviting the nieces/nephews.  The alcohol/self-medicating at every family function has nothing to do with children and if you aren't serving alcohol, there should be no problem. I could see not inviting them if this was a more formal affair.  My girls know I'm all for it if they choose a no kid wedding because of the formality/setting/alcohol/etc. Sorry - but I'm not understanding why the nieces and nephews are such a problem for a wedding in the park.
  • christina1313christina1313 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If we invited the neices, nephews and their kids, the number would shoot up to probably 120-150.... his one brother alone has 9 kids and 5 of the nine have their own small children, too.  We don't have the space or the funds to have a reception that size, nor do we want one. 
  • edited December 2011
    If that is all you want then do exactly what you want. I am only having 50 people at my wedding and it is hard to keep the number that low! I have friends that are like family that are mad because I am not having their kids come which I think is funny they made a comment that my kids would be in attendence. Mine are 1 mine and 2 in the wedding. People amaze me.  Its your day not theirs it is up to you. If they have a problem they don't need to come! I don't see how alchohol has anything to do with this however. If you don't have it they can't drink it. Is there really more going on then you are telling us? 
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    kmmssg backpedals quickly.  I was envisioning he has a couple of brothers, they each have a couple of kids, blah blah.  Sorry about that. Stick to your guns.  Is your FI holding his ground here with the family?  Man - I thought DH's family was huge but you have us beat.  Sorry again.
  • christina1313christina1313 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    pamila, they are the type that if they come, they would likely either show up lit or bring their own... and they would act up, no question.  He has talked to one brother again today and found out it is mainly his oldest brother and wife that are causing the problems... she called all of the neices and nephews and told them to be "looking for an invite to your uncles wedding."  He is pretty upset and is confronting them about this as I am typing.  He is about to the point that NONE of them will be invited.
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry things have taken this turn.  Keep your eyes on the goal here and don't give these people the power to steal your joy.
  • christina1313christina1313 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you!
  • nyreknyrek member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's a WHOLE lot of kids!!!!  Holy man!!!  Ditto the other posts and stick to your guns.  This is your day, not theirs.  If his mom really wants all those people there, then maybe she should offer to pay for it...and book a site...and pay the bar bill.  (Bet that'll shut her up!)  ;) Good luck and try not to stress too much. In 18 days you have a new life starting!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow that sucks! Glad he is confronting them. Remember this is your day!!!! Well and his! Hope all goes well my exhusbands family was like that and it really sucks!!! Good Luck!!!
  • sayfay1973sayfay1973 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm just starting the wedding planning, but I can already tell I will be stressing about the same thing! Both my fiance and I did the big weddings before, with all the obligatory family guests. This time, we also want something small - just family and close friends. And I'm already getting the "really, you aren't going to invite even your aunts??" from my mom! So I can sympathize! Bottom line, it is YOUR day, not your moms. Do whatever you want and if someone gets their feelings hurt, that is THEIR issue, not yours! Sara
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