**heddab**

hollieheidi

Hey there!  Sorry you didn't get it overwith already.  Do you have enough time to get a motion to enforce and a hearing before the judge?  I know in certain circumstances you can get the judge to rule, but be sure YOU GET A COPY OF THE DECREE THAT DAY!!!  Have your attorney prepare the decree ahead of time and then submit it to the judge to sign right there.  If you don't you may not have the signed order in time.  I had my final hearing July 31, my attorney typed up the order herself from the recording in court and submitted it to the judge Sept. 23 and she (the judge) still has not signed it.  Don't wait to have it all typed up and ready to go.  Make sure your attorney has it all ready for the signature so it's good and legal that day and just has to be entered which only takes a day or two.If they end up giving him a 30 day deadline or something like that you could run into a time crunch.  Good luck!  I know we're trying just to get passports and things like that together and without my final decree I can't even get all of my paperwork in the correct name, my maiden name.  The legal system SUCKS!Keep me posted!  I wish you luck!

heddab

Oh no, you haven't got your final yet! I realize that judges are busy too, but I wish they (and the rest of the legal team) would think about the lives they are affecting by holding things up! If that judge has had your paperwork since Sept. 23, why doesn't she just sign it already!!!I've told my attorney what my situation is with my upcoming wedding and everything. She says she understands, I hope she does. I have an excellent, highly recommended attorney, but sometimes I wonder if they are too busy for me???I do agree with you, the "legal system" SUCKS!!!! If I were a judge, my cheating "ex" wouldn't get anything but a kick in rear, and I would have had this divorce 2 years ago and could have moved on with my life!Even though I have all my wedding plans in order for November 21st, IF this mess is not over we will pick another date. I'm trying to get my mind around that so I will not be upset. But it pisses me off to think that my "ex" will have "won" if I have to change my date. Ain't life grand sometimes...Good luck to you, let me know when your final comes through!!

hollieheidi

My FI and I talked about your situation...it could happen to us...hopefully not 5 months away, but never say never... He and I agreed that we would just go on as planned with the wedding and reception and then just have a private "paper signing" ceremony after.... Honestly, do what you have to do ya know?!!! I'm sure my papers are in a pile on the judges desk somewhere, but I don't think that the law makers realize that it's peoples lives they're dealing with..... Now I know why going through a divorce is so stressful...it's not the pain or agony of your marriage being over, it's the pain and agony that your "marriage" is still lasting even after the marriage is over.... Good Luck and I'll keep you posted!  

hollieheidi

Got my order today!  WOOT!  FREE WOMAN! unless he files an appeal....he has 30 days so I'm holding my breath until Nov 5th...... Have you already gotten your license?  Is there a waiting period in your state?I know that our licenses are good for 6 months but we have to have previous divorce decrees before we can get one.  Also, I have to see if they'll issue it during the time he can file an appeal....Good luck!  The end is in sight........  

heddab

YAY! That's awesome for you and you FI!! Hopefully your "ex" will be too lazy or whatever to file an appeal!Somebody mentioned to me about going ahead with my ceremony next month, divorced or not and then when I am officially divorced do the courthouse thing or something. I don't know about that...oh well time will tell. Atleast you're closer today than you were yesterday. Good Luck!!!!!

thealphabride

Hey girls, I have been following your situations, and I am glad you both can see light at the end of the tunnel. When I was going through it my only thought was that he may win the battle, but I WILL win the war and I did and you will too. Good Luck, happy planning, much happiness in your new marriages, and here's to putting those dirtbags in the rear view mirror!!!!

heddab

~thealphabride~Thanks! I know we both could use some words of encouragement, I know this has been extremely frustrating for me. I'm watching the calendar days tick away and hoping to hear something postive from my attorney soon. Alteast in my state there is not a waiting period on a marriage license, so if we have to, we can get our marriage license the Friday before our wedding! And if worse comes to worse we will just move our wedding date back until this mess is over. My FI says even if we have to do that nothing changes between he and I. We will be together no matter what the "ex" does. The part that sux is that I have already ordered invitations and favors with November 21, 2009 on them, I'd hate to waste those, but whatever...

hollieheidi

BTW...just so you know that even though he can file an appeal I AM DIVORCED!  The only items that he can appeal are the items in the decree and not the actual divorce.  It has been granted. So....if your state is anything like mine once the judge signs you're a FREE WOMAN! I know what you mean about your fiancee.  Sometimes I don't understand how I found a man willing to go through this kind of hell with me.  He has no obligation to me or my children, yet he has stood by us like no other and like they are his.  He would do anything for us.  He has endured all of the "gossip" about why I'm still married, etc. and yet even today when we were talking about it and now that I'm all his he said he doesn't feel any different about me now than two months ago, a year ago or whenever.  I can't help feeling lucky knowing that there are good ones left!!! Good luck and keep us posted when you get a court date!  I don't doubt for one minute that you'll get your happy ever after!  Just hoping for sooner rather than later!   

heddab

~hollieheidi~I can only imagine how completely EXCITED you both are! I'm hoping to know that feeling VERY soon! Atleast you have the worst part behind you, you are DIVORCED, YAAAY!!BTW, I just looked at your planning bio, OMG your dress is BEAUTIFUL, absolutely gorgeous!!! I'm an Irish girl myself and all your choices are wonderful "With my two hands I give you my heart, and crown it with my love"

hollieheidi

any news?Mine filed a notice of relocation because he followed me after the divorce, but I don't think he filed an appeal or anything.  His attorney mentioned to my attorney during another case that he's trying to get me in mediation to change things and he "thinks he can convince me"...we all had a good laugh about that one!I've been thinking about you guys!  Keep us posted!Alpha: Thanks for the vote of confidence!

heddab

~hollieheidi~I received a call from my attorney yesterday telling me that the "ex" came by their office but refused to sign. No surprise there, that's pretty much par for the course for him. My attorney said he refused because he claims his wages are incorrect on the child support worksheet, he claims he doesn't make as much as what is listed. Uhhmmm that amount came from a pay stub that HIS attorney sent to my attorney. Uhhh what??He also said he wanted to make more changes before he signed. My attorney said absolutely not, we had mediation in March, agreed, signed and no further changes would be made. He again refused to sign. So my attorney said ok, see ya in court.This is exhausting and expensive, we've been separated since November of '07 and going back and forth with the divorce since April of '08, move on already!I have been trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for changing the wedding date. My wedding is in 30 day, unless a miracle happens in court (and we all know how efficient the courts are) I don't think that's going to happen. My FI is so supportive. He tells me not to let the "ex" stress me out, that we are together and the actual day we get married doesn't really matter, that we will get married. I don't think men realize how a woman's mind work when planning a wedding...When you pick a day, plan everything around that day, look so forward to that day and then to have it yanked away by a jerk that is playing with your life...to a man (and I use that word very loosely) that walked out on you and your children the week before Thanksgiving to go live with the woman he had been sleeping with for a year behind your back...I hate that he wins! That he got his way and he's messing this up for my FI and myself. It's just a game to him, it's about control. I just want to put that part of my life behind me and be able to move on. Thanks for checking in, I hope things continue to move forward for you and your FI!!

hollieheidi

Hey there!  I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.  It's like they can't deal with not being in control of the situation.  They don't want you but they're so miserable that they can't watch you go on and be happy! I doubt you'll get to court in time.  I can't believe that you've been able to make so many revisions to things even before you've gone to court. I still say to go on with your day and celebrate each other...maybe just get a different dress and have a sort of committment ceremony instead of acutal wedding vows and then have another ceremony later.  I wouldn't waste all of the planning and hard work you've put into it! Especially since you have the dates on the napkins, etc. I hope that you are able to get on with it soon.  I know how frustrating it can be.  Just when I thought my jackass was getting better the kids told him my FI and I are getting married and he FLIPPED OUT!  He's been miserable all week.  UGH! My FI and I were able to go to the courthouse and get our marriage license.  I can't wait until you tell me the same! KIT!  I'll be thinking about you!  Please though, do something special to commemorate the day if you don't do the wedding...Don't mourn too much for the day that was "supposed to be".  All things happen for a reason....your FI isn't going anywhere....enjoy each other and the life you're about to begin!

heddab

Thanks for the support, it's nice to have somebody understand and not think I'm insane for planning a wedding with all this going on! Unless you've had a crazy "ex" that has played games like mine has they can't understand. In the mail yesterday I got my notice that we have a court date for November the 4th for a Motion to Enforce our settlement agreement! Crossing my fingers and praying for good news and to have this madness over with for good!! I also received an email from the "ex" last night, I'm sure he received his notice as well. He was saying that if I will call my attorney and have him make the changes that he wants, he'll be happy to go in and sign the papers so I can get this over with before my wedding. It's just like him to dangle that in my face hoping to get his way. NOPE! Not gonna happen, I am more than ready to let the judge handle this. Even if it means having my wedding on a later date. I want the judge to see and hear what he has been doing the last two years. And if the judge decides then and there, the "ex" can't stall anymore and I might be able to get my final decree right then and have my wedding on the 21st!!!

hollieheidi

Congrats on the court date!  I'd just have the whole divorce already typed up....we just included our settlement agreement in our final divorce decree!  I know that our hearing was from 8 am to 7 pm that day and by noon she already had him figured out!  These judges aren't new at this and unfortunately these controlling ex-jackasses aren't new to the judges either! I'm so glad you can see a light at the end of the tunnel! I know people say "don't plan" for your wedding, but I don't think that unless you've been there you know.  Your marriage is already over by the time you get to the point of divorce.  In your case with the cheating you're ready to move on by the time the papers are filed.  There is no need to sit and mourn what you cannot fix or change.  I know now why people say that divorce is so hard....it's not the loss of the marriage it's waiting on the legal process to catch up with your emotions.  I knew that we were getting married within 6 months of my seperation but I wasn't able to tell anyone until we had been together for over a year...it's just so frustrating!!!  We moved 4 hrs away to get away from his bs and he followed us here and now lives 13 miles away from my house.  He's trying to re-negotiate the custody arrangements and completely changing our visitation schedule even though I'm the custodial parent and have them 70%!  He just acts as if the court order doesn't exist.  One thing is funny though...mine started acting up when he got notice that his child support will be garnished at his new job starting with his first paycheck....they're so predictable!!!!  You can bet if they even think that you're in control they freak out and all of the sudden they try to turn things upside down! Good luck!  BTW...email me at hollie.heidi at gmail dot com if you want to chat.  Two weeks....keeping you in thoughts and prayers!

heddab

Everything is ready to go as far as paperwork goes. Well he is saying that his wages are listed incorrectly but I'm willing to roll the dice on that and let the Judge decide. It should be an interesting hearing. This is our 3rd hearing in front of this Judge. The 1st time my "ex" didn't even show up, the 2nd time the "ex" didn't have his paperwork together, so we'll see how it goes this time...Just holding my breath for now and trying to stay hopeful and positive until November the 4th. BTW is you're on Facebook look me up! Heather Callahan Mitchell, Atlanta GA...

heddab

~hollieheidi~Ha! I got a text the other night from the "ex" telling me that he talked to his attorney and that the new child support amount my attorney had figured was correct after all (gasp!). He said that the only thing we are going to court for now (since the support he had said was wrong is now actually correct) was over the fact that he wants me to meet him in the middle to exchange the kids for visitation. He insisted that I call my attorney and make this change so we don't have to go to court. I told him that's not gonna happen. He see's his kids 4 days a month, if he's too frickin lazy to come and pick them up and drop them back off he doesn't deserve to see them IMO! I do all the school stuff, all the Dr appt stuff, all the sports stuff, all the running around with friends stuff, come on you loser, pick your kids up for visitation!!!! Anyhow, we go to court this Wednesday, wish me luck!!!