Second Weddings

ARGH! Another one!

There's another woman who was married, separated from her DH, got pregnant by new boyfriend while still married, and has asked for opinions on how to "make" her mom accept the new FI.  The group on that board told her straight up what they thought, now she's a bit defensive.   Maybe it's not an epidemic.  Maybe it's a Pandemic.
image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Re: ARGH! Another one!

  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow incrediable, what a loser, sounds like my niece. LOL I will go with you on the pandemic.
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Awesome.  I need someone who can record the data for me.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    lol wow. these women amaze me.  When I was divorced I'm pretty sure that they told us that if I was pregnant we couldnt get divorced till after the baby arrived and that if I had a baby within nine months of our divorce decree that it would legally be considered his and our divorce would be null. Apparently thats not the case everywhere.    Is it just me or am I the only one who sees "she committed adultery" coming into the hearings somewhere? It just seems like it doesnt matter what he did if you're technically guilty of a marriage ending type behavior as well. Kind of a pot vs kettle thing. Dunno.
  • edited December 2011
    Know the one you're talking about, handfast, and is it my imagination or is she getting pissy because she doesn't like our answers? Starting to think it's not defensive, more shoot the messenger Says she's paying for wedding herself but bet she isn't. NOW it's didn't get pregnant til after divorce but was seeing him prior to divorce, after separation.  
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yes, CK, that's the one.  She doesn't want to hear what we have to say, much like the others I've encountered. Oh yeah, then they'll change their story.  Next it will be "you don't know me" followed by "have a blessed day!"  So, let me get this straight.  It's Ok now to quote the bible to things they DON'T like, but it's perfectly fine to have kids outside of marriage? Oh my stars.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    For me have a blessed day is an expression, you hear it in my household and community so much it just comes second nature to say. It is not a declaration of faith. With that said, Handfast, I do feel I somewhat need to take time, before they delete my membership, if they delete it like I have asked, to apologize personally to you for taking your post so personal. I honestly felt like you were attacking me personally and not answering my question directly, but after reading some of your other posts I see that is just you. I still say that things went too far with the insults from some of the other ladies and myself, but thats over and done with. Could you take in consideration I am eight months pregnant and hormones are high and my emotions are all over the place? Could you also take in consideration that we are are from different culture backgrounds, the fact I am 33 and pregnant with my second child by the same man is something my family and friends celebrate, especially considering a lot of girls that grew up in my cirlce had 4,5,6.. children by 5,6,7,8 different men before turning 30. My divorce not being finalized was not a moral issue for me as much as it was a pain in the behind b/c I want to be married to man I am with now. Those post and threads did make me reevaluate how I have handle things and I have taken a more active role in making sure my divorce is finalized instead of leaving things in my ex hands. I talked with a family friend who is a lawyer and he has drawn up the papers with the final jugdement for the judge, my ex signed them Friday, and our lawyer says since my baby is due in December and the papers has to stay on file for at least 60 days before a final date is set, we should have one set right after my son is born. I guess I can say Thank you to the ones who gave me their advice and honest opinions. By the way, if you are honestly interested in reading some of my poems, essays and short stories, I can send you the link to the MS Review, and Blackpoets Society or my myspace page (where I have posted most plus some, and I promise I am not being sarcastic!) I hope you can accept this.Best wishes to you guys!
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Tameca, you don't need to apologize to me.  What you need to do is to look around, get an education, and try to give those kids of yours a better idea of what is out there than what you got.  That would be the best legacy you could leave those kids. We always recommend (and The Knot has this posted EVERYWHERE) that you lurk before you post.  Had you done that, none of the drama that you created would have happened.  Again, I did not attack you, and I have been complimented numerous times on my posts.  In my years on the knot, you're the only one complaining.  Go over to P & E or Snarky Brides and look at some new posters.  THAT is attacking. Yes, "have a blessed day" IS a declaration of faith.  I am not a Christian, and find it offensive.  However, I realize that most do not mean it that way, so I don't get bothered by it and I just move on.  The reason why it bother me is because, as we've seeon on this board with you and others who use that term, that those who use it are the LEAST likely to actually hold to ALL the commandment/tenets of that religion.  It would be different if many of you weren't "cafeteria Christians" that pick and choose what you want to do, but that's not the case.   I do not start and end my messages with the greetings that are common among those of my belief system, out of courtesy to others who do not have my value system.  Many of those in my belief system are closeted because of the Christianity in this country, and the persecution we face.  Retread talks about that in her post that is paging me on this board. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ARGH.  I meant "The reason why it botherED me"
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess, I said something offensive again! I did not mean to. I just wanted to apologize to you rather you except it or not is up to you. I would ask that you stop making assumptions about me and you dont know me at all because I am an educated black woman, I am furthering my education at this moment and I do not live a sheltered life at all. You are right, I did not lurk before posting, I did not know it was a requirement or suggestion, so that was a well bought lessen...  Bottom line, I don't know you and you don't know me I am trying to do what I know is right and admit I may have been wrong for jumping the gun on you and I am trying to do this without being coy or arguing for argument sake. I do not have anything to prove, so I am going to let it go, apologize, and although it was said everyone is welcome on the board, I do see I am not, so I am going to move on. I had to do what was right and attempt an olive branch but.. all is well
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What you want is for all of us to say "It's OK, Tameca, all is well."  When that continues to NOT happen, then you get upset.   Not everyone fits on every board.  I don't fit in on my local board, because those women are all about the same age, and have different styles and taste than do I.  Every time someone on these boards gets upset because they're not hearing what they want to, the constant refrain is "You don't know me."  I  believe I said it earlier in this thread. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    Good grieve woman can you accept an apology or what! I have not asked for anything but that, I actually thanked you and the women who gave their advice and opinions because it did make me think and I found away to accomplish something in this mess. Once again HANDFAST I MISS TOOK  YOU AND I APOLOGIZE.By the way, you look good for your age, I would have given you your early or mid 30s judging by the pic.
  • edited December 2011
    lol.. give her some time. We celts take awhile to cool once we get fired up. just move on from here, don't allow any of it to happen again, remain helpful in your intentions, keep your mind open to and mindful of differences, and eventually, all will be well. Thats the general rule of thumb here, at least it was when I was here a little more often.
  • edited December 2011
    Tameca,I'll bet there are any number of educated black women who would take great offense to your statement that having only two illegitimate children is something to be celebrated within your culture.
  • Michelle2025Michelle2025 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Hey girls, I am very new to all of this but have been reading a few posts.  Just remember, we are all women and should really try to support each other.  We don't always have to agree with other's choices or decisions, but hopefully we can at least try to understand and keep in mind that none of us are perfect.  Okay, thanks for letting me have my say. Wishing you all a great day!!

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