sort-of survey

ck9586

Can't think of any other word for it!!!What I'm asking is this. On a personal level, do you think being on your own for a while is important? Physically.  This is the knowledge that no one is going to ask ten times in one night where different things are, you can have chips for dinner, dead silence for an evening if you want it, things like that. I sort of had it when my DD was in HS because there was court ordered visitation so I got every other weekend to come home, lights off, every candle lit, some wine and music.....but always knew it was til Sunday.So, opinions. Do you think people should have that time in their lives? My DD hasn't had it either actually but wanted her to.

whis1970

Yes! It actually gives you time to find out who you are, and what you like. It also teaches you to be self-sufficient and not depend on anyone for anything. I would recommend that everyone does this, as it truly helps you to become an adult. Plus, like you said, you can have chips for dinner, or chocolate, and if there's a mess, you know who did it lol.

ck9586

I look back on my life (42 now) and the hindsight cliche applies! I think I should have kept my own place after my daughter left. Actually, he moved in when I still lived with her (2nd yr of ASU). I agree with what you said, and since I'm regretting (and it's noticeable), I'm afraid she'll do the same. Difference is, I can do it easily, just don't renew the lease and find an apt. She's married and buying a house. So, thanks for sharing your thoughts, you just confirmed what I think so I really appreciate it. Good to have someone else agree! Chocolate and wine for dinner....may call one of my SO's friends and get them to take him out for the eve!!!

whis1970

You are welcome!

2dBride

I'm definitely glad I had time on my own--some before my first marriage, some between marriages.  In fact, when I met NotFroofy, I had pretty much decided that I was unlikely to remarry, and should concentrate on the aspects of my life other than the romantic ones.  I set up my own law practice, wrote a book, etc.  Having that time was very valuable, because it let me figure out what I wanted in life, before figuring out how to share that with someone else.

LesPaul

Yes.  Agree w/ pp.  I think it's beneficial to have a period of self sufficiency, and be able to be alone.  I've known people who were unable to be alone, and either stayed in unhealthy situations, or went from one inappropriate relationship to another just to have 'someone'.  Not good.

right1thistime

Sometimes I think we long for things we don't have.  Having said that, I would advise any young woman to live independently (or with roommates- not romantic ones, though) for a period of time.  I think sometimes people (mostly women) stay in unpleasant relationships out of fear- the fear of being alone, the fear of having to take the trash out, the fear of financial hardship, etc.  Taking care of yourself is very empowering, and allows you to be appreciative of having someone to share the responsibilities of life with.  Still having teens at home means that the idea of ALONE time is quite glorious to me.  When they were younger, their father's weekends (which were very unreliable) were heavenly.  ~Donna

handfast4me

Yes, I think it's important.  I went from my folks' home to dorms, to an apartment that I rented with my then-H.  I wasn't "on my own" until my 17 year marriage ended, but technically I wasn't on my own because my daughter was with me. However, I had to support her, myself, and pay alimony.  Even though ex and I had been on our own for years, it was still a bit different.  When DD when to college, then I truly was on my own.  It made me realize a few things that I didn't want to give up if I ever got into another relationship, and what I wanted.

pamila51510

I wasn't on my own until the age of 34/35 and I have to say the couple of years I was by myself was nice when the kids were gone and I just got to be me. It was good I think it made me more prepared to be in my relationship and really know who I am!

ck9586

Thanks everyone! I doubt I'll ask him to get our own places but still be together when the lease is up, but I don't want to wreck the relationship by staying and resenting!!!My DD actually could be okay...most rigid kid I know. For her, it might be close to living alone. I can guarantee that her husband is going to spend a lot of time saying "go ask your mother" or "what did your mother say" when they have kids. That can be obnoxious too though.