Family Invite to wedding

jeannigirl

Ok I am in a sort of a dileminia. So I finally nailed my FI to look at the Guest list and delete anyone that he did not want and include those I had possibly forgotten. The guest list was almost 100. and after he got through with it he removed 39 guests which leaves around 52 guests. He wiped off his entire family and lots of people who he has known for a long time. Long story short he does not want to include people who do not care about him or me. The thing is that I still have all my family on the guest list and this has been brothering me for a while that their are a few of them who have been downright disrectful and prejudice has he is a man of color and their has been things said. I know that if I invite some of them and leave some out their will be this big family blow up. If he respects and loves me enough to not invite family members who have done the same to me. I love him very much and I think that I should do the same with those members of my family, Now I feel like I just want to say f this and do a destination wedding, and just have the WP and thats it. I'm just don't know what to do. I would love for our families to be involved but they have chosen to be the way they are to me and to the man that I will spend the rest of our lifes together.

corinnaandmatt

I have a similar situation just different issues. It is YOUR wedding and you should have the most important and supportive people at your wedding. Do not feel guilty about not inviting people who have been unkind. If you did a destination wedding you'd have more $ for the dress. ceremony location, and the HONEYMOON! Good Luck whatever your decision... put you and your FI first and you can't go wrong.

jeannigirl

I just feel so torn that what do I say when the fallout comes because I am sure that is what will happen? My FI would have no problem telling his family, but I seem to have a little problem with that kind of drama and would rather avoid that if I could. I know that I can't have those members of my family has I know that would be totally disrectful of my FI.

nycgirlkat

I had a reverse situation.  I'm having a DW in Mexico and wanted to have my nieces in the BP, but my brother-in-law refuses to allow my nieces "out of the country" (even though a month later they are going to Bermuda on a Disney cruise - I guess to make up for it).  So I was forced to either change my plans and have a wedding in NY (because of my selfish brother in law) or have the dream wedding I wanted on the beach.  I made up my mind that it was my wedding and having a DW was what I really wanted.Do what you what you want.  You can't please everyone - there will always be one unhappy one!  And don't have a DW if its really not in your heart just because you don't want to hurt people's feelings.  I stressed myself for months trying to find a comprable wedding site all because my brother in law.  I wouldn't want to see you do that to yourself!! Good luck with planning, I know its a hard decision.....

pamila51510

Familys can be a pain I know I think we all have family members we would like to pretend don't exsist but they do. You have to think of it as where would you prefer the blow up at the wedding or before it. You can't make all the people happy all of the time. Do what feels right for you. If having a destination wedding is what you want in your heart than do it. If you want a wedding at home than do it. You have to do what YOU want.

right1thistime

My personal opinion is that the two of you need to decide together what the wedding celebration should be about for you two.  If it's about peace among the family, then the "should" invites may still go out.  If it's about celebrating the union of the two of you, you very well may choose to only invite the people that will, in fact, celebrate this event.  I would have no trouble saying to a family member that had commented negatively about my Fi/DH, "you know I am very fond of you, but I respect my Fi too much to invite someone who would act in such a hate filled way toward him.  You made your viewpoint very clear when you , and I would certainly not want to put you in the uncomfortable situation of being invited to a celebration where I get married to someone you feel so negatively about, that would be hypocritical."So my advice is to have the type of wedding that makes you two happy.  Life is too short to invite the "shoulds".  ~Donna

jeannigirl

You gals sure are the greatest. I know its my family however I can not justify that due to the racism. So I do like all the honesty that you have all conveyed. I think that you all just said what was on my heart and it just makes it harder when its your own family. I know that I did not exclude them that was the choice they made when they made those racist comments. Why should I feel bad because of their prejudice?