Write Family members letters?

jeannigirl

This is from all support that I received when I asked about family invites. I got some great feed back from everyone. I am just wondering why I feel like the bad guy if I don't invite certain family to our celebration. I do not want anyone there that does not support out union or like my FI. My question I do know that it is a way off yet, but am wanting to send off the STD's sometime in Jan. How should I really handle this before I send off those STD"s should I just write a letter and mail it to them, or do a face to face or a phone call. They all live 3-4 hrs away from me. I really just don't want to get into this big long thing with them. I just want to make this short and to the point.

lysandramarie

I don't know that I have great advice for you but I want to say that I am so sorry for your situation and really respect the way you're handling it.  I would probably either 1 - send a letter or email saying that you have felt they do not support your relationship and found their comments offensive so you are not inviting them or 2 - do nothing and tell them why they aren't invited if they call you.

pamila51510

I would say no letters thats more work than sending an invite. They don't deserve that they don't deserve and explanation. You don't need to add more to that. It will just flame the fire. Walk away invite who you want and not the ones that aren't supportive. You don't need to feel bad for falling in love and wanting afuture with a good man screw them!

hollieheidi

I'd say be honest if they call you, but there's no need to explain yourself by initiating the conversation first.  PP is right, they know what they've done and there is no need to feel like you have to explain it to them.  It's your life and you will be going home to your wonderful husband at night, not them. It really sucks to feel like you've lost family through this and "if only they could see...." Those are the ones that no matter how many times you explain it, they still only hear what they want to hear and you'll never be able to change their minds anyway.  I know, it's easier said than done, but don't look back...plan for your future. I'd say don't let this be the focus of your wedding planning....you have cakes, invites, and DRESSES to pick out! You have more important things to do and plan for....enjoy your planning!

jeannigirl

Yes you are all right, there is no point in even trying to explain anything. They are well aware of their crap, they just think that I am clueless of their feelings. You girls are like the best.

kmmssg

I wouldn't write the letters either.  As I recall, some of your family are being pretty rude and disrespectful because you are an interracial couple, right? My DD and her ex-FI were an interracial couple.  They were together for many years and have 2 children together.  In the beginning her father was a problem because he had an issue with the interracial issue.  I am so proud of my DD.  She stayed on the high road the whole time and kept after her dad to give her SO a chance.  In the end they got along as well as he does with our other SIL and that is pretty darned good. I'm just encouraging you to stay on the high road.  If that includes keeping these people out of your life, that is fine.  Initiating a letter writing campaign could really kill any chance for future reconciliation. Plan your wedding, invite those who support you, and say nothing to the rest of them unless they initiate something.  If they do, quietly remind them that they have had an issue with the color of his skin and you will not tolerate it and will not have him disrespected. Are STD's really necessary for your wedding?  You aren't getting married on a holiday weekend so why not just skip them?  Most people don't send them - can you just skip them and skip the drama?

jeannigirl

Hey everybody thanks so much for all the great feed back has always you are all very supportive. kmmssg: yes we are a biracial couple and I love this man. I did not feel comfortable in writting any letters but I just felt overwhelmed with the whole thing. I have been contemplating tossing the STD's. Yes I agree that it would save some drama. I realize that I can't feel bad because members of my family are racist. Thats their choice and they are the ones that took them selves out of this celebration. All that matters is that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of our lifes together.

right1thistime

I agree- skip the STDs, invite who you want to be there, and if they have the poor manners to ask why they are not invited, tell them.  I will bet that rather than the offensive parties asking you why, that it will be other family members.  Aunt Sue will call and say, "I got my invite but Aunt Nell didn't get hers.  You DID invite her, didn't you?"  Don't bite.  Tell Aunt Sue that its between you and Aunt Nell and you would be happy to speak with Aunt Nell if she has any questions.  ~Donna

jeannigirl

Perfect answer and I def will use that if I need to pp.

ramarker18

This was all very helpful. My situation is the same.