Second Weddings

wedding

Is it appropriate to have a private ceremony and invite guests to join us for the reception? or is that rude ?

Re: wedding

  • edited December 2011
    Depends on the reasons for the private ceremony.  If the two of you want to profess your vows alone/ in private and have only the required witnesses, but want to share a party with your guests, I think its ok.  If you have an "A" list who are invited to the ceremony and the reception, and a "B" list who only get to go to the reception - I think that's more rude. ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    I think it would be totally cool to have a private ceremony or a ceremony only with immediate family and then a reception with everyone. I think that I would just send out invitations that say join us to celebrate our marriage... or something like that. you can tell immediate family when and were to meet for the ceremony.
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ours is somewhat unusual in this way.  We are getting married at the courthouse next Friday, and Fridays are the only days that they do civil ceremonies in our county and they are only done in the late AM and early PM so that knocks out alot of people coming to witness due to work.  So it will be immed family to witness.  We tried to find something casual for a Friday night reception but nothing worked out and we have many friends in the medical field as well as firefighters and to do something on a Friday night would have knocked our guest list in half due to their schedules.  We found a solution with Sunday evening.

    So I suppose we are commiting a huge faux pas by having provate ceremony and then a party on a separate day!  Ah well....such is how things work out.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the responses ladies! I'm thinking it will be only immediate family in my pastor's office for the ceremony, then a "celebration" immediately following with invited guests to attend the reception.  I am going to word the invitation as "join us to celebrate our marriage". Just did not want people to feel like, "I'm not good enough to come to the wedding, but I can come to the reception",  and feel offended,,you know?
  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think when you spread the word that the ceremony is very intimate, then your guests will understand.
  • kimp67kimp67 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's fine.  Last year we were invited to a reception only.  The invite said something like:  you are invited to the wedding reception of so & so, who exchanged vows in a private ceremony at such & such place on the date. 
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  • BeeBee22BeeBee22 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:1273ae44-6de3-4b2d-99b8-d29341e4c79ePost:f5b180f3-7be1-4eb5-ab99-2403c1bf7e83">Re: wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the responses ladies! I'm thinking it will be only immediate family in my pastor's office for the ceremony, then a "celebration" immediately following with invited guests to attend the reception.  I am going to word the invitation as "join us to celebrate our marriage". Just did not want people to feel like, "I'm not good enough to come to the wedding, but I can come to the reception",  and feel offended,,you know?
    Posted by tnickerson[/QUOTE]

    <div><strong>They WILL be offended in exactly this way</strong> if the reception immediately follows a ceremony to which they are not invited.  This is a totally different situation from, say, Marrin's, which is fine.</div><div>
    </div><div>A reception is traditionally to thank people for coming to the ceremony.  If you have Marrin's situation, or got married in Costa Rica, then an at home reception is doable.  If it's immediately following a ceremony from which your guests are excluded, it's really inappropriate.  If you search these boards (particularly under Etiquette), you'll find extensive discussions of this sort of reception question.</div>
  • edited December 2011
    Well..I have posted this question and everyone expect you thinks that it is perfectly fine to do so, so I guess I will go with that..Thanks for the input anyway.
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    tnick, go for it.  Years ago, one of my cousins had a small ceremony for close family and friends, then a huge reception later on.  If anyone was upset or offended, I sure did not see it! 

    The invitations were sent out as a reception invite - they inserted cards into the invites for the ceremony.


    As a side note:  Certain religions do not allow "non-members" to attend the wedding ceremonies, such as Mormons who have a wedding in a LDS church.  I have been invited to many a reception by a mormon couple, and have never been offended by it.


    Enjoy your wedding and your party!

    Anniversary
  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i think the key here is that it is a PRIVATE ceremony - not that you have an "A" list of friends and a "B" list of friends.

    I mean - there's only so much room in your pastor's office!
  • edited December 2011
    Exactly! I'm almost 40 with two children, 17 and 13 and not sure that I want to do the whole "bride" wedding, (although I haven't totally ruled that out), I do want to be able to celebrate with my family and friends after we say I do.  Having the private ceremony following a nice reception seems most logical, however, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
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