Military Vow Renewal

crabtreekr

My husband and I will be married for 5 years this December.  He has been in the military the entire time, and we have been stationed overseas together.  We went to the JOP so that we could begin the military paperwork, and we were planning on having a wedding a few months afterwards when my husband had leave.  Well, that ended up not working out, and we never had the opportunity to do it.  So the only people present when we got married were my husband's parents.  None of my family was involved.  Everyone just accepted that my husband was never able to get leave in order to go back and have a wedding ceremony.

Now we are moving back to the States sometime in the next few months.  We would really like to have a vow renewal ceremony in a church, with our family and close friends present.  The problem is that my family (mainly my parents) don't understand why we would do this.  They see that we missed our chance to have a "wedding" and that we shouldn't try to do it just so we can have one.  We don't believe this is the case at all.  We want the opportunity to profess our love for each other in front of our friends and family, have pictures, celebrate with people we haven't seen in years - some who have never even met my husband, etc.

Any advice on how we can do what we want without my family really understanding the purpose of a vow renewal?

If we do go through with it, any ideas on how we can include our daughter, who will be 17 months at the time?

suzieharris

I think that is a wonderful idea.  I may be weird in saying that I hope your colors are red white and Blue.  Seriously!!!  Your family should be proud that you want to profess your love for one another in front of your family and friends.  He is in the military for God's Sake!  They should be proud that you want to show him off. To incorporate your daughter in the wedding, you might find an older child that could pull her down the aisle in a decorated wagon.  She could hold a parosol that says here comes the bride.  Good luck to you.  I'm sure your family will pull through for you when they realize how important it is to you.

handfast4me

First, I thank your DH for his service, and you for your sacrifices.  I was an Army wife for many years (to first husband) and my current husband is also retired military, my sister is a Lt.Col, my other sister's husband just retired from the Air Force as a Lt. Col, so I get it.  It's a hard life for the family of the military member.

I would print up a bunch of stuff from the interwebz on vow renewals, and then show them the info.  I understand the need, with the military issues, to do this in front of family and friends.  Further, if this is a religious ceremony, you can always bring that issue into it; that the other ceremony was for legal purposes, this one is for you two to be joined in a religious manner (or not:-)

I would not include the 17 month baby.  The baby won't remember it, and IMO, a wedding and marriage is JUST between the consenting adults.  However, again, if this is a religious ceremony, a short blessing for the entire family is fine. 

edited for spelling

MikesAngie

Thank you to you DH for his service!!  I think it's wonderful that you want to have a vow renewal. 

Your family should understand the importance of wanting a ceremony that was not preformed by a JOP.  Plus it's a wonderful way to celebrate your five year anniversary and introduce your DH and daughter to those who haven't met them!   A family blessing would be wonderful way to include your daughter. 

Please keep us posted to your planning progress.  I hope your family's hearts soften on this issue.

crabtreekr

I think it is a great idea to send them some information about vow renewals, why people do them, what they typically include, etc.  And I really like the idea of a family blessing with our daughter.  That way we don't have to try to get her down the isle, although being pulled in a wagon is a really cute idea.  I'll have to do more thinking about that.

As far as plans go, I don't really know much yet.  We would like to hold this event in a church, but since we have been overseas for so long, we don't have a church back home.  I don't know if I like the idea of having it in some random church just so that it's held in a church, so I might just want to do it at a nice reception hall or something.  Since it will be December, outside is not an option.  What are your opinions on that?

I really want to wear a wedding dress since I had already bought mine before we ended up not having a ceremony, but I know that is a big no-no for a renewal.  I have found a couple formal gowns that I could get in champagne color that I think might be OK.  I don't want to be seen as trying to look like a bride though, so I may opt for a darker color, like deep purple.  I would like to carry a little bouquet of flowers and then maybe have my husband place them onto the communion table (we'd like to take communion together) or something.  I read somewhere that instead of exchanging rings again (or new ones, which we don't want to do yet as ours are perfectly fine), they exchanged single red roses with a little personal note attached.  I liked this idea, and thought maybe that could be included, or just the only part, of a bouquet.

We did think about maybe having my husband and daughter walk down the isle, then I would walk down, hand my flowers to my daughter, and have her go sit with my sister.  I think that might be weird though.  I do have a nephew who is 15 who could pull my daughter down in a wagon or something.  My daughter and nephew are the only kids in my immediate family.  It might be nice to incorporate them together somehow.

For the ceremony, we wanted to say vows (probably our original ones and then our own), take communion, exchange something, have a family blessing, and maybe a couple meaningful readings.  We were thinking of having my good friend "officiate" everything, but we're not sure if he can make it or not.  Any other ceremony ideas?

We wanted to have an awesome reception, one that's relaxed, fun, comfortable.  Nothing formal with place settings or anything.  Since it's winter, we thought maybe going with a backyard cookout theme.  Get out some lawn chairs, grill burgers and chicken, etc.  We also thought of maybe doing a "our favorite games" reception theme.  We'd set up different tables with some of our favorite board and card games for people to play.  We weren't sure if people would actually play them though.  More reception ideas would be much appreciated.

My family is very large, so we're looking at about 50 people.  That is only my close family and a handful of friends.  We weren't wanting something big, but there could be more depending on which friends we invite.

Thanks for the help!

deepcovejackie

All of that sounds lovely.  Have a great time planning!

Sloane99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_military-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:14e44d51-5479-4a7d-b6b2-1d08ddd37de6Post:945b1719-3584-4357-a37f-7a60aa92f4db">Re: Military Vow Renewal</a>:
[QUOTE]I really want to wear a wedding dress since I had already bought mine before we ended up not having a ceremony, but I know that is a big no-no for a renewal.  I have found a couple formal gowns that I could get in champagne color that I think might be OK.  I don't want to be seen as trying to look like a bride though, so I may opt for a darker color, like deep purple.[/QUOTE]

I don't know, I would think if you want to wear the wedding gown that you had planned on wearing to your ceremony in the first place I think you should go for it. As long as your guests are aware it's a vow renewal/religious ceremony and it's not that they're witnessing your legal marriage (which has obviously already happened) I don't see any reason why you can't dress in a wedding gown.

ETA: I am Canadian but I have a huge appreciation for the sacrifices that Americans have made throughout history that have also protected our freedom. So THANK YOU both.

neyea

My husband and I are in a very similar situation! We had a teeny intimate ceremony 2 weeks before he deployed for his 3rd tour in Iraq (i.e. no big dress, no extended family and only a couple of friends because it was short notice), and now that we're getting settles we're planning a vow renewal  and reception for everyone to attend. For me, it's all about the photos and the bridesmaids I never had the first time and I want those memories photographed for when we get older.

I think if you want to wear the white dress and go all out then do it! Just because you've been married for a while and have a kid is not an immediate "don't wear the dress" in my book. I suggest you not follow a traditional renewal and kinda combine what you want (from what you were saying) into a ceremony. I plan on sitting down with my own pastor and working with him because no one really saw the original ceremony and we want to include a little of everything without doing a full on wedding ceremony again.

hphillips0709

i agree with neyea....my husband and i are doing the same thing on our 5th anniversary.  being in the military it is hard to plan the big wedding ceremony and reception.  my husband is getting medically discharged soon and i am planning a wedding that wont happen until 2012.  i am wearing an ivory wedding gown and having a BP and such, because thats what i want, have ALWAYS wanted, and with a JOP wedding you dont get that.  do what you want and make sure your happy with the decision you made!!