Second Weddings

Courthouse wedding for now... ceremony/reception with family later.

My fiance and I are planning on doing a courthouse wedding in the next few weeks due to military reasons, but the family cannot attend. Obviously, this wasn't my first choice, or the day I've dreamed of, but when you love someone, how you come about getting married, really shouldn't matter. but the family really wants to see the ceremony and we would love for them to be there also, but we live really far away from each other and under the circumstances, they just cannot make it. So then my fiance is going to be getting leave in a couple of months so we're planning on going home and doing a wedding ceremony and reception then also, so we can be with family and friends. I'm getting so many mixed opinions on how to go about doing this. My fiance, our family, and I all want to have an actual ceremony with our bridal party and everything. They all want to witness our big day. But how do I go about it? Should we do a "vow renewal?" Is it too soon? Some say just go ahead, because it's my day, and do as i please. Another option was to just have the reception, but before the reception actually starts, maybe do some sort of ceremony, where us and our wedding party get up and someone says a few words about how we got married, and the commitment we made, etc. but an actual ceremony wouldn't be preformed.

If anyone has any opinions, or suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. I'm just feeling a little lost and overwhelmed at the moment! Thanks.

Re: Courthouse wedding for now... ceremony/reception with family later.

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    On this board there is a wide variety of opinions about this very topic, no matter what circumstances you are legally bound to one another it is a wedding.  

    That said we have acquaintances that were married almost a full two years before their state side ceremony which they did as an actual wedding...  He was in Kawait and they were married there. 

    It really is a vow renewal as you will be legally married state side before his leave.

  • cgeithmancgeithman member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    why not find something fun and special to do to celebrate your marriage with your friends and family? you could make up your own kind of ceremony based on some other traditions...the first thing that comes to mind is having everyone stand in a circle and pass your rings around, everyone saying a blessing or well wish to the couple. Or maybe you and hubby, maybe your parents and whoever would have been MOH and BM could write letters or give toasts at some sort of celebration party.

    i bet you could come up with someting creative, and special without cheapening the whole thing pretending it's your "real" wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ginadogginadog member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_courthouse-wedding-now-ceremonyreception-family-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:1d404cf0-5d9b-4945-a744-1caec9a0268aPost:3437e399-5140-4a8a-add4-9ece98406e17">Courthouse wedding for now... ceremony/reception with family later.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I are planning on doing a courthouse wedding in the next few weeks due to military reasons, but the family cannot attend. Obviously, this wasn't my first choice, or the day I've dreamed of, but when you love someone, how you come about getting married, really shouldn't matter. but the family really wants to see the ceremony and we would love for them to be there also, but we live really far away from each other and under the circumstances, they just cannot make it. So then my fiance is going to be getting leave in a couple of months so we're planning on going home and doing a wedding ceremony and reception then also, so we can be with family and friends. I'm getting so many mixed opinions on how to go about doing this. My fiance, our family, and I all want to have an actual ceremony with our bridal party and everything. They all want to witness our big day. But how do I go about it? Should we do a "vow renewal?" Is it too soon? Some say just go ahead, because it's my day, and do as i please. Another option was to just have the reception, but before the reception actually starts, maybe do some sort of ceremony, where us and our wedding party get up and someone says a few words about how we got married, and the commitment we made, etc. but an actual ceremony wouldn't be preformed. If anyone has any opinions, or suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. I'm just feeling a little lost and overwhelmed at the moment! Thanks.
    Posted by lonilou21[/QUOTE]

    In my first marriage, we did this also.  Court house wedding, only two witnesses.  It was for health insurance reasons.  No family attend either since they were states away.

    After surgeries, he recovered and each mom threw us a celebration paty.  One in IN and one in NJ.  They were casual, mine resembled my high school graduation (not what I had in mind but it fits my side of the family well), his mom was a bit more elaborate with the food (big Italian family). 

    Anyway, it was nice that they threw us parties.  We were too poor to actually host any type of event ourselves where both families could attend.  The pizazz kind of goes away when it's not an actual wedding to attend.

    At the time, I really did not think a wedding was a big deal.  I didn't think I wanted one.  Well, getting a second chance, I do want one - even though it can be stressful.  I think it's just important for the families to meet and to see the marriage.  (My family often forgot I was married!)

    So if if the wedding/reception is something that you both feel is important, I'd say wait until there is a better time to do the wedding.  It just isn't the same when you're already married.  Coming from someone who already went down that road. 

    I am very excited to plan a wedding - a real wedding - something I never had!
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just a reminder that a wedding in a courthouse is still a wedding.  I refer you to Miss Manners for an explanation.  Unless a marriage was common law, anyone who is married has had a real wedding.
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thank you 2dB. :)
  • ginadogginadog member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_courthouse-wedding-now-ceremonyreception-family-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:1d404cf0-5d9b-4945-a744-1caec9a0268aPost:7e7f54de-f158-4d38-9126-ccfcff36290b">Re: Courthouse wedding for now... ceremony/reception with family later.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just a reminder that a wedding in a courthouse is still a wedding.  I refer you to Miss Manners for an explanation .  Unless a marriage was common law, anyone who is married has had a real wedding.
    Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

    Well my upcoming wedding will be DRASTICALLY different - it will look like a wedding (with our own style).  And I won't be going back to work after this ceremony like I did with the other!   LOL  Seriously it was the sorriest "wedding" ever if you even want to call it that. 
  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I did this for the exact same reasons you are for my first wedding.  What a waste and what a joke.  Do your courthouse wedding then have a party when you're with your family.  Forget the second ceremony.  Its a waste.

  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    @ginadog--were you saying that a courthouse wedding was the "sorriest 'wedding' ever" and that courthouse weddings shouldn't really be considered weddings?  I may be misinterpreting your post, but wanted to clarify.

    I certainly think there's nothing wrong with a courthouse wedding followed by a religious ceremony, but that ceremony isn't a wedding since you already will have done that at the courthouse. 

  • ginadogginadog member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    "@ginadog--were you saying that a courthouse wedding was the "sorriest 'wedding' ever" and that courthouse weddings shouldn't really be considered weddings"

    Oh, let me clarify!  Courthouse weddings are fine!  In fact, there are some very lovely weddings done as you can see in this site with great ideas:
    http://ruffledblog.com/tag/courthouse/

    However, MINE was lousy!  My was on a Wednesday, engaged for less than a week (he needed my health insurance to get a surgery which was life saving - a bit of a pickle), just wore our work clothes, no exchange of rings or vows, went back to work after getting lunch.  It did not like how it went at all, but I was kind of stuck.  The guy needed surgery soon or rack up $100K in bills without health insurance.  We were already together 2.5 years then.  The only photo was on the end of a disposable camera and had a big red streak going through it.  N ice.  Uneventful, not special, lacking.  It's all moot because I divorced that guy 5 years later!  I just don't suggest doing it like that.  Maybe the bad taste of that was more about the guy, he didn't care to help me make it special and I couldn't make it special on my own...

    But I've got another chance now! LOL
  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Ah thanks for the clarification :)  Sounds like more of an issue with the guy than with the courthouse wedding!
  • edited December 2011
    Why not just WAIT until he comes home in a couple of months? That seems like the best option here.

    Then you can have your wedding in front of family and friends, have a bridal party, reception and the whole nine yards. 

    Please explain why you cannot wait 2 months to get married, I don't understand.  
  • edited December 2011
    thread jacking.....

    We're doing this during the weekend, for health insurance reasons. We're having a family reception next summer after I've recovered. No second ceremony.

    Now that I'm in some of these ladies' shoes....I have to say that "I get it".
    "Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210 I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_courthouse-wedding-now-ceremonyreception-family-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:1d404cf0-5d9b-4945-a744-1caec9a0268aPost:926769ce-20ac-46ff-89af-3d7b89170f43">Re: Courthouse wedding for now... ceremony/reception with family later.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why not just WAIT until he comes home in a couple of months? That seems like the best option here. Then you can have your wedding in front of family and friends, have a bridal party, reception and the whole nine yards.  Please explain why you cannot wait 2 months to get married, I don't understand.  
    Posted by thealphabride[/QUOTE]

    Wondering this as well.  I skimmed through the OP the first time since I figured it was just another "courthouse ceremonies are not real wedding" posts so I didn't pick up on that her fiance will be back in two months.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards