Difficult Spot! (sorry for the bad mood)

hsbstone

Next March 13th I will be 50! I planned this day for a long time because I wanted to throw a big Venetian Carnavale party. I had everything lined up, but six months ago, I lost my middle son in a tragic way. Just keeping up with the wedding plan has been more than enough. I am in very bitter sweet spot now. I am not in a mood for any party or celebration whatsoever and hopefully I will be in a better mood by the wedding time. I was thinking how life can come in our way and changes everything that you've planned, and also can bring a pain that crushes your heart which such cruelty. The worst but necessary part is to keep moving on when in you have no desire to leave the bed in the morning, And more than moving on, you have to move forward because your mission in this life is not done yet, and there are people that needs you and from who you are responsible one way or another. I am very sad today...not because the party I won't have, but because today is the Women's International Day, and my son was the first one to call me and wish me a good day!  What I wouldn't do to have him doing this again!!!

Marrin713

Yep, we need to move forward no matter what.  (((hsbstone)))

Your 50th is a year away; you may feel differently about celebrating or if you don't, just have a quiet celebration with your nearest and dearest.

handfast4me

I am so sorry for your loss.  There are no words that I can say that will ease your pain.  However, I hope that in a year, although the pain will not be gone, that you are in a place  where you can celebrate your own life.  I am almost certain from the small description of your son that you have shared with us, that your son would have wanted you to celebrate. 

Sue-n-Kevin

Your post breaks my heart! I am so sorry for your loss, and the sad memories you are having.

Because many of us are older, we have dealt with the loss of loved ones. I won't detail my stories here.

I feel for you, and really hope you can find a way to move past your grief and sorrow to a happier place, or at least a sustainable "content" place.  

Think of how your son would want you to celebrate. I'm sure he would not want you to feel so badly that you can't recognize and celebrate such a special milestone. While it may be bittersweet, a celebration of your fabulous 50 years is not out of the question. Think it over and you have plenty of time.

{{{hugs}}}

hsbstone

Thanks for the caring words ladies. As Retreatbride said, I have a lot in my plate right now - and the grief process that I am in is far way to be done. I know that my son would like for  me to have a great time because God knows how he loved life and lived intensively,but it's still to early for me. Maybe later as life goes on.You all gave me precious advices and I am very thankful for them.

Lisa50

((((HUGS))))  I am sorry so much pain has come your way.  You will survive.  I am sure there are days when it doesn't feel like it, but you will.  You are a strong woman.  If I knew any Italian, I'd write something soothing in Italian.  Hang in there!  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

hsbstone

Lisa, you are so nice and sweet! Having people like you makes my pain easier to deal with it, and even though you don't know Italian, your caring just spoke the universal language of compassion and encouragement! Thanks a lot for your prayers and thoughts!