Second Weddings

Just Blah

My guy and I are planning on getting engaged and married this year. This will be my 2nd and his first. While I am excited at the prospect of getting engaged, I will so blah about the wedding itself. Funny enough, the first time around the engagement sucked and the wedding sucked, my ex did extremely lame proposal with as shallow as it is to say but a crappy ring, utterly refused to take engagement photos, and the wedding was stressful and lame with the only good part being a beautiful dress I had. This time around I am excited about getting engaged, because I know it will be sweet and romantic with a gorgeous ring, and I am looking forward to doing engagement photos that he agreed to do. But it's the wedding itself....I just feel so blah about it. I feel like we can't invite anyone but a couple of friends and his immediate family, since all of my family already was at the first wedding and my mother really doesn't like him. I don't even want to think about a dress, or first dance or vows. Yet the idea of running off to Vegas with just couple of friends makes me sad. I think his mom is far more excited by the idea of this wedding than I am, she adores me btw. It's almost to the point where I want to just let them plan everything, and I'll just show up....And I feel guilty for feeling this way, and to a point angry at myself that I wasted that excitement on the scum that my ex was.
Sorry for ranting, just needed to finally let it out.

Re: Just Blah

  • So...I am a broken record on this topic... have you had couseling to work through the emotions of your divorce?  Not necessarily the sorrow of breaking up (in some cases this is joyful), but rather the emotions of "how did I end up there?" "what was I thinking?" "how can I have a healthy outlook as I move on?"  Because I hear some regret and disappointment in your post that can be helped by that.

    Joy is not a bucket that you dip into and once its used up, you have none left.  But it is a bucket that needs to be refilled, and the only person who can refill it, is you.  Where are you gathering joy these days?

    And if his Mom is wonderful and excited, maybe you can hitch your wagon to her, and ask her to participate with you in some of the girly-type stuff.  Perhaps she can bring you joy?  ~Donna
  • right1thistime, can I "like" your post please!

    OP- You most certainly can have whatever kind of a wedding you both want to have. It's your first marriage to eachother. Invite whoever is important to you. My family is so excited for my second wedding, they know I'm very happy and are happy for me. I'm sorry your mother cannot get on board with that, but don't let her drag you down. And I second the therapy recommendation. Best money I ever spent!
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  • "Joy is not a bucket that you dip into and once its used up, you have none left.  But it is a bucket that needs to be refilled, and the only person who can refill it, is you.  Where are you gathering joy these days?

    And if his Mom is wonderful and excited, maybe you can hitch your wagon to her, and ask her to participate with you in some of the girly-type stuff.  Perhaps she can bring you joy?"

    I totally second the above. Read all the posts with the push pin at the top of the board. They are very wise.

    Discuss everything with your fiance. Have the wedding you both want. If his family is gung-ho, great.

    When I was planning my wedding (my first, hubby's 3rd), yes, there were times I thought it was a chore. But I knew how I wanted to celebrate with my family and did all the steps it took to get there. I planned for over 18 months.......allow yourself enough time to enjoy the engagement, and plan the wedding you want and can afford. Let his Mom get involved if that's easier.

    Welcome, good luck, and congrats.
  • We as a couple go to couple's counseling at the Vet Center, altough the focus is mostly on how as a couple to deal with his PTSD (he's Iraq vet). But I will bring this up on the next session. I think you're right, I outta get his mom involved in the wedding planning, when time comes, a lot more than just going to look for a dress. The biggest dissapointment with my first wedding was that I was planning a fun and beautiful wedding, and it just was not fun. In part because of my ex's behavior, but also because of my family and none of the guests seemed to want to mingle or have fun. And while they were glad and supportive when I got divorced, but they like this guy even less... they are snooty super liberal anti-war anti-troops kind and my guy is a veteran who has been deployed to war zone. And it's just weird, I am so excited about impending engagement and the marriage itself... it's just the wedding itself, just that day, and not even the stress of planning that (had very easy time first time around with planning) I feel so blah about and almost dread, yet the idea of just eloping leaves me just as depressed.
  • Being an extreme left wing, bleeding heart liberal myself...

    I am concerned that your family doesn't like this guy and the reason given is his military experience.  I may or may not support the rationale for the war, but I am wholeheartedly behind the men & women with boots on the ground.  ~Donna
  • Donna, it is unfortunate, but they will have to deal with it because it's my life, not theirs.
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