Who to Invite Question

JudyW7

Okay, this has been bugging me. I'm hoping you all on this board will understand because I am planning my second wedding (FI's second as well). He told me he doesn't mind about any of the details whatever makes me happy. His first wedding was just a backyard wedding, and mine was a big, church wedding with 150+ guests, 7 bm, 7 gm, horse and carriage, and the whole nine yards.

I have always dreamed of an outdoor wedding, and so I really want to do a private-type garden wedding. The problem is, I really basically want a family-and-close-friends-only ceremony, but I don't want to offend people by not inviting them. My biggest worries, for example, are people who were bridesmaids in my first wedding. There are a few who, although I would like to invite, I don't want to have as bridesmaids because I'm trying to keep it very small and intimate.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue? And also, how did you go about the topic of inviting some cousins and not others? Please help! Any ideas or suggestions are appreciated!!!

Lisa50

We had a very intimate wedding (my 2nd, H's 3rd) last summer, with about 45 guests.  We each had one attendant, both best men.  A very small bridal party is an effective way to set the tone for a small, intimate wedding. My first word of advice is to keep the bridal party very small or do not have any attendants at all.

Next, you and your FI need to agree on your strategy for whom to invite.  You want this cousin, not that one?  Verbalize it to FI -- say it out loud.  He wants that aunt but not this one?  He needs to say it out loud.  That will help reinforce for both of you that it is OKAY to pick and choose those whom you want to share this very special day.  Your wedding is not a kindergarten party -- you are not obligated to invite the whole class.

Your concern about offending people who are not invited?  I don't know what to say to that.  If you have friends and family who feel they have an intimate, close relationship with you but that's not the case, they have a problem, not you.  However, if you will feel guilty because you've excluded certain people, you need to find a way to deal with that.

I'm happy to share more details and strategies if you'd like.  Good luck!

JudyW7

Lisa50 - Thanks for your advice! That is very close to what I was invisioning in terms of size, but I was thinking of only having my 2 sisters and 1 best friend as my MOH and BMs .. Is this too many to be considered small in your opinion? Anything is small in my opinion, bc my 1st wedding I had 1 MOH, 7 BMs, 1 Jr. BM, and 1 FG and the same amount on the guys' side! But that's why I need an outsider's opinion, please!

Also, how did you keep the guest list small? I mean just family alone would bring us close to 30 or 35 people, and I know FI and I have a quite a few friends that would want to come, but how do you avoid hurting feelings if certain friends are invited and others aren't?

Thanks!

right1thistime

  Your wedding is not a kindergarten party -- you are not obligated to invite the whole class . Your Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

THIS is the best line EVAH!!  It needs to be your siggie quote, Lisa.

My advice regarding who to invite is this - invite the people who will joyfully celebrate with you.  Leave off those people who will not.  Invite no one who is only being invited as an obligation.  However, if inviting one person, or one couple, or one family will make living your life better in some way, go ahead.  So if you like all but one of your Aunt Ethel's kids, and want to invite them, and it would hurt Aunt Ethel & your mother (who you love and would never intentionally hurt)  if you left cousin Bitchypants out, go ahead and invite her. 
Most people will be relieved to not be asked to be bridesmaids.  If they seem like their feelings are hurt, just tell them you couldn't put them through butt bows twice, and that you need them to liven up the party & drink with you without the constraints of being "in the wedding party". 
If anyone who is not going to be invited asks if they are, just mumble, shrug and say something about it being a second wedding and keeping it small.  ~Donna