2nd wedding questions

jrathe1

Hello! I am wondering a few things. I am recently divorced (6 months from final) but was separated from my ex-husband for almost 2 years. During my separation, I met a wonderful man who i have been with for over a year. He wants to get married but understands my wanting to wait. Here is my dilema. How long of a wait is proper after getting a divorce?

My next question is what is proper for the wedding itself. Is having a reception ok? I had a elegent wedding dress for my first wedding, is it ok to have the same type of dress the 2nd time around? Do I invite all the same people that were invited to the first wedding?



Any help or insight would be appreciated!

right1thistime

Do you have children?  If so that may influence when you decide to hold your wedding.  Waiting until you are sure the kids are comfortable and secure is important.

I know I can be a broken record aboutthis, but do you feel like you have come to peace yourself with your divorce?  I always think that counseling is key afterwards to work through how the situation came to be, how you've dealt with it, and what your personal role was.  If you're there, then moving forward is great.  If not, a truly great guy will be there waiting for you.  ~Donna

MikesAngie

Check the laws for your state to see what the wait period is, if you are past that then by all means start planning the wedding of both your dreams within your budget. Unless you have children that may not be up to speed with Mom and Dad splitting, then you should wait until they are at least comfortable with the idea of you moving on. 

You can wear whatever you want (in whatever shade/color), and  have the style and size of event you want (as long as it is within your budget).  What you cannot do is anything that would be a breach in etiquette for first time or any time brides.

renjon7798

I went thru this also.  I met the man of my dreams before my divorce was final.   I knew within 1 month that I wanted to marry him.  He loves me for me and has never once tried to change anything about me. 

If anyone would have asked me when my ex left if I'd ever be over him, I would have said no.  But the day after he left, I started intense therapy, for both myself and my children.  I finally came to realize that my first marriage was over years ago and I found myself again.  The question was posted above about making sure you're at peace with your divorce.  You have to be sure you are.  It's different for everyone, being able to tell when you are over everything that went down in your previous marriage.  When I could finally talk to my ex without visions of him dying a slow, painfully horrible death...I figured I was good! 

Seriously, I've been where you are.  This is both of our 2nd weddings and I've had the same questions you have about what is "proper".  Here is what I have figured out from this site.  Anything you want.  The only thing that seems to be a no-no is a blusher style veil.  Other than that, have the wedding you want!

LoveAmericanStyle

Based on my personal experience and that of many of my divorced friends two years is a healthy time.  I've seen quite a few friends/acquantances jump to quickly only to find themselves unhappy again.  

Time is a gift you give yourself!

Best of luck! 

coopsbaby

In Response to Re: 2nd wedding questions:
[QUOTEWhen I could finally talk to my ex without visions of him dying a slow, painfully horrible death...I figured I was good!  Posted by renjon7798[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly!

But seriously...therapy was wonderful for me, and (I think) has kept me from making the same mistakes again. I met FI after ex-h had been separated for about 5 months, and the divorce was not final for another 4 months. But I started therapy soon after the separation and ultimately realized how screwed up my 1st marriage really was and got my own head together.

We're taking things a bit slow for the sake of my kids, but if not for them I'd marry him as soon as my waiting period is up in February!

jrathe1

Thanks ladies. This helped a lot. I did the therapy before we were separated and after. I knew i wanted a divorce not long after our son was born but tried to work it out. I asked him for it in Dec 2009. we finally separated in april 2010. the day i asked him to leave and the minute he left, i felt as though a weight had been lifted. I never looked back. I am happier now then i was back then.

I do have 2 children. They are #1 in my life and my FI loves them and treats them as if they are his own. I have no doubts that they will have troubles adjusting.

I am way kinder to my ex then my friends say i should be. He has done a lot of crap in the past year to really pi$$ me off. but he has rekindled a relationship with an ex of his and if that is what makes him happy, that is what i want for him. There are days where i still have visions of him dying a slow painful death but for the most part, we are better friends then we were husband and wife.

I checked the laws and there is no waiting period in the state of MN so we are ok there. We are waiting until at least 2013 so it will have been over 3 years since meeting and starting to date before we got married. My friends are super excited and so are his parents. My dad just thinks that we jumped in way too fast but you know what? who cares what he thinks right??!!

coopsbaby

I don't think 3 years is jumping the gun at all! We'll be at about 2 years when we finally get married and that seems like forever!

It totally sounds like you've really got things thought through and are in a good place. I wish you much happiness!

Oh, and my mom thinks I'm jumping in too fast as well, but our parents weren't in our first marriages, they can't possibly know when things were "over", you know?

Lisa50

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  I'll take a shot at your questions ...

How long of a wait is proper after getting a divorce? I'd say "proper" is what's right for you and your fiance.

My next question is what is proper for the wedding itself. Is having a reception ok?  Of course, having a reception is OK.

I had a elegent wedding dress for my first wedding, is it ok to have the same type of dress the 2nd time around?  You may have any kind of dress you want the 2nd time around.
 
Do I invite all the same people that were invited to the first wedding?  Huh ... that's an interesting question.  Do you want to invite all of the same people?  If so, go for it.

Being a good host and being comfortable with your plans is the way to go.  I'd say you might be a bit more relaxed if you shed ideas of "proper" and plan an event that makes your heart sing.  Good luck!