Including the child in the ceremony...

MrsH86

This will be my 2nd wedding. I have a 4 year old daughter. I am only having my sister as maid of honor, and no bridesmaids. My daughter wants to be the flower girl but I would like to incorporate her into the ceremony someone. Perhaps a special prayer, a blessing, giving her some jewelry as a commitment from her future step dad? I have some ideas but I just wanted to see if any of you had done something similar, I would love to hear your story or ideas. Thank you!

MikesAngie

We have a sticky that talks about including children in the ceremony.  

I believe just having her present at the ceremony is enough.  Your vows and committment is between your FI and you.  She's only 4 years old, the jewelry could be lost and the day will become a faded memory as she gets older.  Let her wear a pretty dress stand with you or sit with her grandparents.  If you want a gift to be given to her give her something she will enjoy now. Take a lot of pictures wnd make sure there are shots with her in them.  Those pictures will stand as proof she was there and inculded in the day.

2dBride

You might check out this sticky post on the subject.

The one thing I'd be really wary of is making vows to your daughter.  It could make her feel far too responsible for the fate of your marriage--which is not something she can realistically control.

Sue-n-Kevin

When we got married in August 2011, I thought about some jewelry, as our 5 kids were between 30 and 16. We decided against it for various personal reasons. But, those that were able due to proximity (2 of my husband's 3 kids lived out of state and couldn't come), were in our wedding party.

A 4 year old will be iffy on jewelry, unless you choose something to give her now, then something special to hold onto until she's old enough to appreciate it's value. The one thing I was drawn to jewelry wise was the claddaugh symbol, as my husband is part Irish and it's a lovely symbol of 2 hands holding one heart. If you wanted to do a necklace like that, but saved it for "special occasions" later, that is an idea.

There have been many times where "special jewelry" has been a part of my life, as well as my kids. My daughter made her first communion and was given some very special jewelry, including a cross with a diamond from her Dad. No idea where that is now. I have a lovely silver charm bracelet that I had as a teen, then my ex started me on a gold one with special charms from my kids for holidays and birthdays. Both are in my jewelry box, never worn.

The point I'm making is that whatever you give is fleeting. However, the opportunity to be the flower girl, be part of the ceremony in just that capacity, is about all that will last. If you wanted to do a sand ceremony, where you each have a separate color of sand and pour them into a glass vessel, that might be something to consider, but again, then what? Save the sand?

I totally understand the desire to commemorate the "moment" in some way. But at her age, other than symbolic things, it's probably just for the people attending to recall, not her.

MrsH86

Thank you all for your advice! I definitely dont want my daughter to feel any pressure! She has already been a flower girl 3 times, so she knows how to handle that aspect! But she loves her future step-dad very much and we both wanted to make sure she knew that she was included. She is very smart for her age, so I will just ask her what she wants to do! She has her dad in her life, they are 2 peas in a pod! So she is a daddy's girl. My FH and I just wanted her to feel special beyond being a flower girl. But ya'll are right, maybe we will give her something before the ceremony so she wont feel pressured. 

Mikesgal419

I'm having all 5 kids in my wedding. My oldest (12 and 4 inches taller than me) is walking me down the isle, My twin 8 yr old boys are ring bearers, and my twin 5 yr old girls are flower girls. They are all pretty excited. Also, my ex stepson is an usher (my ex abandoned him,  his mom and I are close so we can keep the kids close since my ex won't).

Everyone has to figure out what is best for their situation. My kids say that I'm happier not being married to their dad and that they like my FI. They are still close with their dad, eventhough he and I don't talk at all.