Second Weddings

No Family Congrats

New to these boards.  Newly engaged and excited to be getting married (again). In an age of Facebook and text messages (believe me, everyone got a text the day he proposed), how long do you think a family *not* congradulating the couple is just plain rude and maybe I should just get the hint that the ARE NOT gonna congradulate us at all.  It's been 5 days and not a single mother, father, step-family member, aunt, uncle or cousin.  His family has welcomed me to the family, called and gushed over us. 

For the purpose of background.  I divorced three years ago, from a man my family (especially my mother) loved.  They still call him and invite him and his new fiancee to family events.  They congradulated my ex and his fiancee when they FB announced thier engagement.  I am terribly hurt and am wondering if I should continue my sorrow by sending them invitations to the wedding.  This is second wedding for both my fiance and I, so we want a small and intimate celebration.  Only the people we want and matter.  Any advice?  Should I just accept what is obviously how they feel?
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Re: No Family Congrats

  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board and congratulations on your engagement. 

    I understand why you're hurt and am genuinely sorry.  I would suggest you give your parents a phone call (if you haven't already) ... perhaps they're too "stuck" to reach out personally, and are waiting for you to take the first step (electronic media doesn't count).

    Good luck!
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Welcome and congratulations on your engagement!!

    My family would have been upset had I announced my engagement on Facebook without calling them first.  That is my family though yours may not react that way.

    I totally understand why you would be upset though I would be too.  But I would have actually picked up the phone and called them.
  • Ramiau3Ramiau3 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I called my dad and step-mother.  Left a message with the news the next day, he never called back. My fiance also left a message for  my dad before he proposed and was surprised when he too never recieved a return call.  My mother and I are estranged since my divorce three years ago.  I did text my sister and brother with the same text & picture I sent to all my best friends.  My fiance's family knew before hand of course and called us the next day. And I have many aunt/uncle (14 combined total) and 12 first cousins, let me not get into the step-families, calling them all would be impossible and FB really is the most logical way to relay information and I think approprate.  Really... I am in utter shock.  And let me add, I never missed congratulating on each birthday, engagement, wedding, child and special event for all my family who is on my FB. 

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  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement, and welcome to the Boards!

    Having friends and family congratulate you on your engagement is a point of validation that most of us need.  Knowing that your family congratulated your exH on his engagement and not you, is a bit of a snub.  I applaud your FI calling your father in advance of his proposal to you, so their excuse should not be that your FI didn't follow proper protocol, since he did reach out.

    Try reaching out one more time, with a phone call, and see what you get back from them.  If it's still the cold shoulder, than you know definitively how they feel towards you, and you can move forward - easier said than done.

    Don't let this damper the enjoyment of your recent engagement or your wedding planning.  Hopefully they will come around, but if not, you still have a wonderful man that wants to spend the rest of his life with you.  Not too shabby!
    Presentation is everything!! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear this is happening to you.  I would call, not all of them as it seems you have a large family.  It can be difficult when an ex is still part of the family. 

    Retread said it best, living well is the best revenge. 

    I truly hope they come around before your wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    130image Invited to dance the night away!
    92image Want to show their best moves!
    38image Have two left feet and won't be dancing!
    0image Are too embarrased to say they don't dance!

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