Really moving on.....

jjm1624

My ex and I were together for 7 years.  We both have moved on with our lives.  I'm in a great relationship with my best friend.  We've discussed marriage and the whole nine yards.  This would be my 2nd and his first.  Things are so much different this time around..in a great way.  The only issue is that when I think he's really being serious about proposing I get overwhelmingly anxious feeling.  I would rather go away somewhere and get married.  He wants the big wedding.  Then I think about how much everything costs, how fast the day goes by and it just seems insane to spend a bunch of money for one day. I want to be more practical and put the money into the house or something that will benefit us long term.  I also realize its not fair to deny him or his family (he's an only child) the "wedding" experience since this is his first.  I guess I just have such a bad taste in my mouth from all the drama of trying to plan my first wedding.  Horrible in laws, my ex and I paid for everything, drama from the SIL, MAJOR drama from the MIL....oh and did I mention DRAMA!  My boyfriend's family couldn't be more different than the ex-in laws.  They are loving, down to earth and so sweet to me.  They treat me like I'm their daughter.  I have learned from my past relationship mistakes and truly make an effort to be a better partner.  I am ready to move on with my life and be a wife and hopefully a mother someday.  I was ready before but my ex wasn't.  He was still trying to re-live his college days with the ladies.  

How do I REALLY move on??  My wedding dress & veil are hanging in my closet, I still have both of my rings..........I thought about posting my dress for sale online somewhere but is it really worth it??  It just seems crazy to give something away that I worked so hard to pay for.  Did you feel better once you parted with your dress & ring from the 1st wedding??  I want to have as clean a slate as I can before entering into #2.  How do you get past the anxiety?        

Kiki224

May sound silly but I got rid of my old Knot account and started fresh with a new one.  jjm1624 is now gone!  I don't have to log in anymore and see my ex's name next to my.  Now what to do with the wedding dress hanging in my closet??

texie1203

I sold my old rings & my ex wedding band to help towards the cost of my new one with my FI now.  I couldn't have been more happier about selling my rings for gold, I turned something bad into something good.

As far as the dress, my mom suggested to me last night that, I redo the skirt of my old wedding dress, cuz I really didn't like it the first time, too much tulle, but I LOVE the bodice of it. It also had these appliques all over the skirt that I would want to keep too.  Not sure how I feel about this yet. I asked my FI his opnion & he was ok with it, he says hes not into supersistions. I belive him. Plus I only wore it for one day, it's been in its bag in mom's garage since the wedding.  Mom told me to use as much as I can from the prev wedding that I already had, it will save on cost, that's for sure.

Hope this helps!

~G.

Kiki224

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_really-moving-on?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:283059f0-5009-4140-bc69-c3fd64b6b626Post:bdadae6b-b275-42ce-a23b-3dd3148a9f52">Re: Really moving on.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I sold my old rings & my ex wedding band to help towards the cost of my new one with my FI now.  I couldn't have been more happier about selling my rings for gold, I turned something bad into something good. As far as the dress, my mom suggested to me last night that, I redo the skirt of my old wedding dress, cuz I really didn't like it the first time, too much tulle, but I LOVE the bodice of it. It also had these appliques all over the skirt that I would want to keep too.  Not sure how I feel about this yet. I asked my FI his opnion & he was ok with it, he says hes not into supersistions. I belive him. Plus I only wore it for one day, it's been in its bag in mom's garage since the wedding.  Mom told me to use as much as I can from the prev wedding that I already had, it will save on cost, that's for sure. Hope this helps! ~G.
Posted by texie1203[/QUOTE]

I thought about trying to recycle the dress for something else but everytime I look at the dress all I can think about is the past.  I really want to start with a clean slate.  I don't mind selling it, I just don't want to give it away for nothing.  I talked to a couple places about trading in my old rings.  I know you'll never get back what you paid for it but my appraisal papers & what was paid for it don't even come close to what they offered for it. I mean not even on the same planet. I thought about taking all the diamonds out and having them reset into earrings, a pendant, etc....but can't justify spending the extra right now to do it. I guess it will just stay in the bottom of my jewelry case for a little longer.

MikesAngie

Sell the dress... there are lots of on line consignment shops and plenty of ladies looking for an inexpensive gown (you won't get full retail for it).

Congratulations on finding love again!!

right1thistime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_really-moving-on?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:283059f0-5009-4140-bc69-c3fd64b6b626Post:39537310-d834-43fd-8cd4-d014c7d956ac">Really moving on.....</a>:
[QUOTE] I guess I just have such a bad taste in my mouth from all the drama of trying to plan my first wedding.  Horrible in laws, my ex and I paid for everything, drama from the SIL, MAJOR drama from the MIL....oh and did I mention DRAMA!  

How do I REALLY move on??  My wedding dress & veil are hanging in my closet, I still have both of my rings..........I thought about posting my dress for sale online somewhere but is it really worth it??  It just seems crazy to give something away that I worked so hard to pay for.  Did you feel better once you parted with your dress & ring from the 1st wedding??  I want to have as clean a slate as I can before entering into #2.  How do you get past the anxiety?        
Posted by jjm1624[/QUOTE]
For the first question- my advice is to quote from a movie that I never saw, only heard this quote from- so pardon me if I get it a bit twisted...<em>Don't punish your Fi for your xH's (and his family's) mistakes.  </em>You already see that they are different, so expect different things from them. 

For the second question, I think only you can decide if having your rings and dress around represent not moving on...or if they represent a part of your life that made you who you are.  (There's a post below where someone declared the latter part of what I wrote- she expounded on it, and I think what she says has merit.)  You can sell your dress at a consignment shop- you'll get something for it, or sell it on ebay.  Or, if you want to keep it as a memento, its fine.  You WERE married before, you DID wear that dress.  There's no reason to feel you must purge everything about that part of your life.  Jewelry is always going to net you far less than what was paid for it, or what it is appraised for.  Gold is at a pretty high price right now, this is probably the best you will get for it.  IF you'd rather just keep the rings, and maybe someday repurpose the gems, that's fine too. 

If you REALLY feel like you haven't moved on, go talk to somebody about it.  If you just think that you should have wiped all traces of your past from your present life, I think the problem is really just faulty thinking.  Give yourself permission to be who you are.  And then go celebrate who you intend to be with your Fi.  ~Donna

texie1203

Kiki - I would take your rings to a gold exchange place, have them remove the diamonds & scrap the metal, keep the stones for use at a later time. I had one ring that I scrapped & I kept the center stone in it since it was fairly large.  My old engagement ring & wedding band had tiny tiny diamonds in it. To me that wasn't worth the effort to have someone remove.

~G.

Kiki224

Thanks Ladies!

Just weird when you have moved so far past everything only to go digging through the closet for something and have the past smack you in the face again.