Suggestions for asking mom and dad for financial support with wedding?

zingy1

Here's the deal . . . it is the second marriage for both of us.  He is 43, I'm 29.

His first wedding, 15 years ago, was a formal affair in the $30,000 range, which I believe was largely paid for by her parents.

My first wedding, 8 years ago, was very, very small.  Our close friends came but family did not travel for the wedding.  We spent under $200 on the whole thing including cake, dress, flowers, and decorations.  My parents had always promised me a wedding, but did not deliver.  Like, at all.  No shower, no bachelorette party, just a small chapel ceremony with a cake and punch reception in an adjoining space.

How do I go about asking my parents to pitch in for this wedding?  Even though it is technically my second wedding, I didn't really have one when I got married the first time.  I don't want to be selfish, but I want the whole experience!

Jells2dot0

It really is not right to expect for anyone to help you financially with your wedding. It can also come off as quite selfish and rude to ask. If you start talking to them about your plans, and they pitch in and offer, then of course, you can accept the assistance. If you really feel strongly about asking, then I just suggest going to them and saying that you are going to begin planning and ask if there is anything that they wanted to participate in or be of assistance with. In my case, we were both on our second weddings and the thought never even entered my mind about asking for anything, but we also had a very private wedding without anyone and I'd be embarassed to ask for help after my parents paid for quite a bit of my six figure first wedding.

MikesAngie

As Retread stated you don't ask people for money.  

It's no one's responsibility to "give" you a wedding, parties or for that matter anything in life. 

Plan/host the wedding you can afford, period.

audreyecu61

My first wedding, wasn't a wedding, we went to Vegas, no family. We didn't have much of anything when we returned.

I asked for financial assistance for my divorce and paid my mother back.

Now being married a second time in a few months, I'm having a wedding, paying for it myself and keeping it very small but nice.

One of my adult daughters is getting married within the next year and I promised to help her pay for it, but she knows I have a limit and when she does actually start planning I think she'll have a rude awakening as weddings are expensive. I'm also splitting the cost with his parents, but believe me this will not be the 'balls out wedding with all the fancy stuff kind of wedding.

I suppose it doesn;'t hurt to mention it to your parents and see if they'll help out. 

Blue_Bird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_suggestions-for-asking-mom-and-dad-for-financial-support-with-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:28491708-5436-42f9-a749-aa262a13dc3cPost:69a88b8a-15bc-459d-add4-d6ef1928543d">Suggestions for asking mom and dad for financial support with wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the deal . . . it is the second marriage for both of us.  He is 43, I'm 29. His first wedding, 15 years ago, was a formal affair in the $30,000 range, which I believe was largely paid for by her parents. My first wedding, 8 years ago, was very, very small.  Our close friends came but family did not travel for the wedding.  We spent under $200 on the whole thing including cake, dress, flowers, and decorations.  My parents had always promised me a wedding, but did not deliver.  Like, at all.  No shower, no bachelorette party, just a small chapel ceremony with a cake and punch reception in an adjoining space. How do I go about asking my parents to pitch in for this wedding?  Even though it is technically my second wedding, I didn't really have one when I got married the first time.  I don't want to be selfish, but I want the whole experience!
Posted by zingy1[/QUOTE]

You don't.

If by now, at ages 43 and 29, you aren't financially secure enough to afford "the whole experience", then you don't need it.

Sue-n-Kevin

I got married for the first time in August 2011, at the age of 56. I have a mortgage, 2 kids, and lots of responsibilities. My fiance had, and still has, a mortgage and a teenaged daughter. We are adults, and have been for over 30 years.

It never crossed my mind to ask my parents to pitch in. Not once, and this was my first wedding. Sure I didn't go to college right after high school, so they saved money on that. Plus, I moved out of state at the age of 21, and have lived on my own since then, so I saved them a LOT of money. 

It's not about the "woulda-coulda-shoulda" when someone says they plan, some day, to pay for something for you that you really really want. Things change. You get older, your fiance gets older, and you have responsibilities. So do your parents.

My retired parents, in their 80's,  offered to pay the rental fee for my venue, which was $1000. I gladly and graciously accepted.  My fiance and I then planned our wedding over an 18 month period so we could be sure to have enough money to afford what we wanted. In the end we had the wedding we wanted, I did a TON of DIY stuff, and we didn't go into debt or not maintain our other financial responsibilities.

You can discuss your wedding with your parents, let them know what you are saving up to have. If they offer some financial assistance, then accept it graciously with often repeated "thank you"s. But don't ask for help.

You can use the local Knot board to find budget friendly places in your area. You can limit your guest list to keep food and alcohol expenses down. You can DIY flowers, paper items like invitations, which I did, plus tons more. Check the DIY boards for ideas. Sign up for Pinterest, which I understand has lots of ideas to see, plus ways to save money.

If you want "the whole experience", then take your time, both of you save money, and then you can afford it. Also, you don't state what your fiance wants. If he had a big $30K wedding the first time, is he even interested in a big event?

Good luck.

Marrin713

You don't ask.

And why do people say they never had a wedding if they married at the courthouse or by a JP?  Yes, you DID have a wedding; just not the one you thought you were owed.

Lisa50

If you want the "whole experience," you and your fiance need to come up with a budget together and create a plan for saving the cash in order to pay for your experience.  Honestly, if you don't have money for the wedding of your dreams, you need to think about making an affordable experience whole.

I have no suggestions for helping you ask your parents for financial support with the wedding.  Sorry.