Second Weddings

The Ceremony we never had.....

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Re: The Ceremony we never had.....

  • edited December 2011
    Retread - The OP combined them into "traditional etiquette".  :) ~Donna
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:b595cc47-9e5c-4513-a98c-b80eb0f5cce2">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : HA!  Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows I'm a wretched person and therefore should not be shocked.  Ever. 
    Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

    Gawd, I feel sorry for your husband! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
  • awayagainawayagain member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love it when people feel sorry for our husbands!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:0f00678e-77af-42c8-aa11-c9c5a9cba29e">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : Gawd, I feel sorry for your husband!
    Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

    snort!

    Seeing as how he is a self-described "knuckle-dragging caveman" it works out pretty well!

    but he'll take your pity any day! 
  • edited December 2011

    Don't feel sorry for MY husband...See my husband LOVES it when we get into a discussion here, it saves him from having to debate me to entertain me.  ~Donna

  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Holy Toledo people! 

    OP...since you've gone on and on about some people posting about how, what you seem to think is a 2nd wedding but it actually a VOW RENEWAL, I'm sure you've read some of my postings.  But just incase you haven't, let me state this again.  I did pretty much what you are talking about doing.  Ran off to the JOP to get married then had, what I mistakenly thought, was our "true wedding" six months later in a church and had the big party.  It was a waste of time, it was a joke and it was fake.  My wedding happened the day we stood in front of the judge and everyone knew it.  I regret doing it and wish I hadn't.  It was a show that made me look and feel selfish and self centered because I wanted the big white dress and all of that, but I had made the choice to run off to the JOP before hand.  And yes, from this girl who did it, it was a joke.

    Now, if you would like advice on how to have a wonderful a beautiful VOW RENEWAL ceremony that includes your children and your family, then that is fine and I am sure you will get a lot of advice.  However, you are not planning a second wedding unless you and your husband get divorced.
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Renjon - good post.  Thanks for the reality check.
  • edited December 2011
    Please enlighten me.....why has TK not created a Vow Renewal board yet? I feel like I read about six or seven of these kinds of posts a day across the eight or nine Knot boards that I either lurk or post on regularly.

    The same advice is always given, and it seems that if someone who is already married is dead set on a PPD....she's going to have her PPD, and simply wants a slew of us to validate her decision.

    If there was a Vow Renewal board, then all of these women can hash all of the pertinent details amongst themselves. Even if what they are planning is oh.so.tacky.


    Just a thought.
    "Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210 I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
  • edited December 2011
    I agree it would be a place to gather them together to validate each other.  It would also be a GOLD MINE of tacky. 
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    And furthermore: 

    For Came and Happy, and a few others who think that we're the only ones who think this way:  there's a post on the  Ceremonies Ideas  board called "Courthouse Wedding"    as well as one on Customs and Traditions called "Two Ceremonies."  DH and I actually had two ceremonies, because our Pagan handfasting isn't recognized as legal in our state.  So, we had a legal wedding about a year later.  However, we didn't invite anyone to EITHER ceremony--so there was no confusion, no  muss, and no perception of me having a pretty pretty princess day or having a gift grab. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    handfast4me: Your situation is one of the few where there is no danger of falling into PPD territory. You can't do anything about whether the state will recognize your sincerely held beliefs...that's the State's problem.

    One of the other situations is any issue having to deal with the Prop Hate crap in California and similar situations in other states. Also the State's problem.....not yours. Go and have your rocking party in peace.

    My issue is with these women who get married at the courthouse, try to keep their marriage 'a secret' from their nearest and dearest and have a PPD later on making everyone think that they're actually getting married when they aren't. Or women who could not afford the wedding they wanted, so they married at the JOP and have a big, fat shindig not too far along down the road.  Those are the people who earn the stink eye from me.
    "Who died and made you Dagon?" - stackeye210 I'm supposed to be falling for myself...and not falling for just any guy out there in the world.....
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Letyourself--totally agree, which is why I have no qualms about what I did.  I just feel that it's necessary to completely disclose what I did when I call out someone else on what can be construed as doing the same thing. 

    Here's the reason why TK doesn't have a vow renewal board. No money in it. Seriously.  Do you think they'd make money off of such a board (although we'd find it highly entertaining)?

    TK also won't start a Celtic Brides or Pagan board, even though about 30% of Americans claim some sort of Irish, Scottish, Welsh or other Celtic ancestry.  The Pagan board, well, I guess they also don't want to admit that Paganism is the fastest growing self-identified belief system in the US. 

    Makes no sense to me. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow....Someone could have nicely and respectfully explained that this might not be the best place for the original questions to be posted...instead of attacking the person asking the questions.  Vow renewal, second wedding, whatever she wants to call it...it will be meaningful and special to her and her husband. She was simply asking for guidance and ideas...something I'm sure you all did at one time or another. Fixing someone else's grammar, ripping a post apart, using sarcasm, attacking a person's character based on the her desire to have a perfect day? Awful behavior from many (grown) women who were probably "pretty pretty princesses" themselves. To the moderator: I think you posted your "behavior correction" on the wrong post.  To Cameshar: plan the day you dream of...everyone else here either did the same thing or plan to. You can call it whatever you want. Good luck. 
  • edited December 2011
    So I'm sure people are going to be harsh, but don't worry, I won't be one of them.

    I'm also renewing my vows, partly due to not having the cash to have my dream wedding. A big white ball gown was kind of important to me because I didn't have any money to buy a dress the first time around (I borrowed a dress that I didn't even like from a friend) so that was my "nontraditional and vow renewal etiquette breaking" element of my event.

    If I were you, I wouldn't have anyone walk you down the aisle because the point of that is to be "given away" and you're already married. I personally won't be having attendants becacuse I don't feel it's appropriate but I think you should do what makes you and your husband happy. Also, I'm not really sure that's appropriate to have a large cake at the after party/reception. I'm having a three tiered cake, but it will be in honor and remembrance of my deceased grandparents. I'm going to have a first dance because I didn't have one before.

    The bottom line is that you've already decided that you're not going to be a cookie cutter second time bride. It's yours and your husband's vow renewal so do what you'd like to. At the end of the day, you don't need anyone's approval.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:cd95cade-4945-453b-8bf4-16a87a9855cb">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]But to plan a renewal with all the trimmings of a "regular" wedding after just a few short years of wedded bliss?  Honestly - it is a waste of money.
    Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's really not yours to say. No one is saying all second time brides are wasting money because they've already been married to someone else. Please don't tell a woman that her dreams and desires are a waste. If it's worth it to whoever wants a vow renewal, that's what it is.</div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:16106d9c-e66d-478c-bf2b-876e28368ea2">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Ceremony we never had..... : That's really not yours to say. No one is saying all second time brides are wasting money because they've already been married to someone else. Please don't tell a woman that her dreams and desires are a waste. If it's worth it to whoever wants a vow renewal, that's what it is.
    Posted by YSUGirl[/QUOTE]

    It is MY Opinion - so therefore it is completely mine to say.  It is kinda how opinions work.  I'm sorry YOU don't agree with my opinion.  I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

    And if you read my whole post you'll note this part:

    [QUOTE]I'm not saying don't have a vow renewal - but truly search your feelings for WHY you feel you need it.  Is it to truly re-commit yourself to your husband?  Then great - have a lovely ceremony with a few friends and family.  If it is so your dad can walk you down the aisle - maybe you should ASK HIM if he thinks spending money on that is worth it - or if he might just be satisfied with his life without it?

    Just some things to think about and consider. [/QUOTE]

    But that's ok - we know you'll do whatever you want because after all "it is YOUR day"
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_ceremony-never?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2877cf45-6d64-4f5e-94a0-98c2f820a782Post:c5db785d-9cbe-480d-9b28-0618cfb12c7e">Re: The Ceremony we never had.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm also renewing my vows, partly due to not having the cash to have my dream wedding. A big white ball gown was kind of important to me because I didn't have any money to buy a dress the first time around (I borrowed a dress that I didn't even like from a friend) so that was my "nontraditional and vow renewal etiquette breaking" element of my event.[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry you didn't have the wedding of your dreams - but may I ask why is a dress important?  I don't mean that to sound harsh - I'm genuinely curious. 

    [QUOTE] The bottom line is that you've already decided that you're not going to be a cookie cutter second time bride. It's yours and your husband's vow renewal so do what you'd like to. At the end of the day, you don't need anyone's approval.
    Posted by YSUGirl[/QUOTE]

    AND I was with you until you said this.  A vow renewal is NOT a second time bride.  It is a celebration of the continued commitment with the same person.  A second time bride can only be after you've divorced or been widowed, sadly. 

    I'm sure you didn't mean to insult those that have suffered loss, with those words - but please understand when some folks might be. 
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