new here need to vent sorry

SoonToBeMrsRhodes3

I recently got engaged to a wonderful man who has been married twice before, I on the other hand have never been married. We each have a daughter, his who is 5 years old from his second marriage and mine who is 9 from a previous relationship. This is why even though I am not a second bride I feel more comfortable here and seem to have more in common with the ladies on this board. I guess i just need to vent a little and have a small pity party, if you wouldn't mind indulging me. I had my daughter at 19 years old and had a very abusive relationship with her father who left in 2004, I have dated off and on since then but nothing serious enough to have my daughter involved until now. My FI is great and my family loves him as does my daughter. The problem I am having is my mom is not at all interested in my wedding, I have two older sisters who she made a big fuss over when they got married.  My sisters were both young when they got married one at 19 and one in her early 20's neither had a child at the time. I guess in my family I am "old" to be getting married although I'm only 29, all my cousins and my two sisters were all married well before my age and its almost like everyone is acting like I waited to long. I on the other hand feel like I have waited and found someone who is worthy of me and my daughter and would like to think that my family would be happy for me. I guess I should just stop trying to talk to her about the wedding at all because it just disappoints me when she is not interested. I know no one is excited as me about my wedding and I'm probably just being too sensitive and over reacting.

Avion22

Welcome, and congratulations on your engagement! 

I agree with Retread about sitting down and talking with your mom to see what is going on.  It could be that after your two older sisters, the magic of a daughter's wedding has worn off a little bit, and she might not even realize that she's acting nonchalant about it.   I'm the youngest as well, and my parents have definitely been more low-key with some events in my life when they went all-out with my sister (prom dresses, high school and college graduations, stuff like that).  I don't think they even realized it.   

You can ALWAYS come here to vent:-)

SoonToBeMrsRhodes3

Thanks everyone hopefully as I get further into planning she will come around, thankfully my dad seems interested, he even offered to put  the deposit on the reception venue for us, he is still married to my mom but their finances are seperate kind of weird I know, so I will be going and signing the contract on the site tomorrow. Pretty excited because it is just about the only place in my very small town that has a room for the reception that they cater and they have a space outside to get married, as long as it doesn't rain, if it does it will be moved inside and we will get married in the reception room and best of all it is within my very small budget.

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome and congrats on finding the right guy!

My situation is quite similar to yours: I had 2 children, never married, my hubby was married twice before and had 3 kids. I was, however, much older than you when I found love in my 50's. I waited a REALLY long time. . I also felt really comfortable here even though I had not been married before.

My Mom used to be in catering, and she was a bit non-interested in my wedding plans as well. This was an event I had planned in my head for my entire life, and she didn't seem to be "all in", and I'm an only child. However, I realized they have a lot going on in their lives, they were in their 80's, and after the joy of becoming grandparents with my kids, the wedding was a bit of a late "non-event" so to speak. I told her all my plans along the way, but she still seemed a bit non-chalant. My perception of this is that she wasn't "not interested", more like based on her age and my dad's, it was that they didn't have the enthusiasm they may have had earlier in all our lives. 
 
While this bothered me, I didn't let it dampen my spirits. My friends (all married with kids, some with grandkids!), my coworkers and Kevin's family gave me all the interest I really needed in the end.

I agree with Retread, come here and tell us all your plans, we love weddings, and just about anything that comes up with family or friends, we've all been there.

Good luck.

xobride

I agree with the PPs.  Talk to your mom, but don't let her lack of enthusiasm damper yours.  Most of my family hasn't seen me or my kids in over two years so I'm not expecting them to even be at my wedding (although they will be invited) and my mother passed 11 years ago.  I'm focusing on sharing things with my friends and my one sister who I am still very close to.  On my FI's side, there's no telling who will show up since his ex has made things very ugly between him and his kids.

It's sad, but you can't let others ruin your happiness or your special day.  You do have a lot of time, too so perhaps as things get closer to the date and she sees that it's really going to happen, she will become more involved.  Posting here and on your month board will help, too because we all want to hear about each other's wedding plans and share in your progress so you'll get a lot of encouragment and support from fellow knotties

handfast4me

I really love the line in your post that says   "I on the other hand feel like I have waited and found someone who is worthy of me . . . "  Good for you!  Now for the bad news.  No one, not even your mom, is going to feel as excited about your wedding as you are.  No one.  I wasn't as excited for my own daughter's wedding as she was.  I was happy that she found a great guy, and excited, but definitely NOT as excited as she was, because. . . wait for it. . . it wasn't MY wedding.  I was supportive of her, though, and that may be the difference here.   She may be scared for you, or nervous, or just not know what to do in these circumstances.  Listen, those of us who are in our 50s, like I am, (and your mom, I suspect, is close to my age, maybe a bit older) grew up in a time when having child outside of a marriage was something to be ashamed of!  And marrying when either partner had been divorced was cause for no celebration at all.  She's probably just old school.  Show her our board.  Show her MY wedding pic that's in my bio. I wore white (ok, it was really ivory, but whatever).  I'm in my 50s.  Show her that times have changed, and the "rules" about weddings have changed. 

Good luck, and I am so very happy that you got out of that abusive relationship and have found a man who IS worthy of you. 

MikesAngie

Welcome please come here to vent and share your planning!!

Congratulations on finding a man worthy of you and your daughter!!!  I hope your mom will perk up as the day gets closer, and if not still invite her to be a very special guest. 

Handfast and the previous posters have great advice on how to help your mom understand that times have change.

I join in with Handfast in congratulating you on getting out of an abusive relationship and finding a man worthy of you!!

Hawt83

Enjoy this as much as you can.  If your mom isnt as thrilled as you hope she would be, surround yourself with your friends and family that ARE happy for you.   Remember, you cant make everyone happy, so just do what makes you happy.  )