Second Weddings

Maid of Honor - Bowing Out?

Long story short - I have known my Maid of Honor since third grade, we have lost touch and reconnected many times over the years.  Our most recent reconnection happened right after my FI and I got engaged. She was calling me every other day to chit-chat and wanted to know all about the wedding we are planning.  So I asked her to be in my wedding party, she agreed.

Fast forward to two days ago, she's not sure she wants to be in the bridal party but will give me a definite answer in a month!?! Her and her BF broke-up in August and reconciled in September and now they are breaking up again - this time for good at least I hope so.  He wasn't being faithful.

So after making changes months ago we were to have four to a side plus my FDSD  standing with her dad...  I know I should wait the month and see if she changes her mind, but it's so unsettling.

edited for a minor correction ` Angie

Re: Maid of Honor - Bowing Out?

  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh, Angie ... This is unsettling.  I'm so sorry to learn of this hiccup.  Try not to worry about it (easy for me to say, I know).  Take a couple of deep breaths.  I am sure it is difficult to think of your ceremony without your friend participating, especially since you have known one another for so many years.

    You may want to consider the impact to your wedding ceremony if she decides to withdraw.  If its something as simple as an uneven number of attendants, you'll be okay.  I believe you have more than one attendant.  Is that right?  If the impact on the ceremony is more complex, you will figure it out in time.  I have no doubt. 

    For now, though, it's just time to wait.  Good luck!
  • mariew829mariew829 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had a similar experience. The on person I wanted to be my my maide of honor accepted and was more excited than I was. She called me a month later and she declined. I was devastated. She is going through alot right now and she doesnt feel she can be the happy person that I need to help me with all fo the arrangements and the things that need to be done. So I sent her an email asking her to not make the decision right now but wait till January to give me a fianl answer. I have been doing everything that Needs to be done with help from my FI and my mom. Tthings are great and I even asked my bridesmaids to be available in January because of the holidays.

    I have been thinking who could replace her but I cant see who. I thought of my sister (She is a bridesmaid) but she is actually due on the day of the wedding. She swears to me that she will be there because she plans on having the baby the week before. She is crazy but wonderful. So I will wait and I have decided who the replacement will be.

    Understanding whats going is hard to deal with because we want the day perfect and knowing it will be just that much more perfect with them. Everything will be fine. My thoughts are always with her and she would not have done this if it wasnt necessary.

    Hope everything turns out ok.


  • vixeyvixey member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_maid-of-honor-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2eb74f39-57db-40aa-91ea-76db7d0342a9Post:c1a08a01-19ce-4f95-8650-c9ccc8cc8d7b">Re: Maid of Honor - Bowing Out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't "replace" anyone. The other person will know they were second choice, and that's an insult too. Leave it as is.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This.  It's not necessary to have even BMs and GMs.  Besides, what if she changes her mind again?  Which seems like a possibility
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • kimp67kimp67 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_maid-of-honor-bowing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:2eb74f39-57db-40aa-91ea-76db7d0342a9Post:3cf65e92-f655-410b-94f4-bf02fa082101">Re: Maid of Honor - Bowing Out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor - Bowing Out? : This.  It's not necessary to have even BMs and GMs.  Besides, what if she changes her mind again?  Which seems like a possibility
    Posted by vixey[/QUOTE]

    Ditto, don't "replace" anyone.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies, actually I hope that she steps up and does what she committed to do...  Here's why she's been a dear friend since third grade; it's also because of her last name that I met my FI in high school; and she was part of our trio when the FI and I were just best friends. She was also the one who told me after our 10 high school reunion that my FI was married to his now xW.  There are so many reasons that I would love to have her standing with me on our day.  She is like a sister to me.  I was so excited to have all of the women that I have a bond with standing up with me while I pledge my love to my FI... I'm hoping that she will change her mind and choose again to stand with me instead of being a guest.

    I feel bad because my FI added a fourth to his gents who bowed out in July, and his cousin stepped up because he really wanted to be involved with our wedding. 

    I'm a little sad that she's doing this right now and that she didn't call me to talk about it but just sent a message through FB.
  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Angie - i'm sure you are already doing this... but just so it's said out loud...

    I'd also make sure to check on her and see what she needs from you in the way of support. We all know that break-ups can be hard, and depressions often convinces us to stay home and wallow. Call her. She might just need a cheer-up session. A good ol' let's-eat-ice-cream-and-cry followed by the traditional let's-drink-margaritas-and-dance-with-the-other-fish-in-the-sea therapy. She definitely needs to hear that she is important to you, since someone she loves is behaving as if she is NOT important. 

    Tell her that who stands where doesn't matter, you want her to know she matters to you, to be there with you, to be happy, and to know that she has a bright future ahead. Then maybe start singing 'the sun will come out tomorrow'.  Okay maybe leave that last part out. :)

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Adelphi ` Thank you, and that is exactly what I am trying to do!  My friend though shut me down a little bit...but she will come around we have been bestest sisters for too long for her to successfully shut me out... and we live within 3 hours of each other... and my FI is in total support.

    I love her like family and will be either having her visit me, or me visiting her... and believe you me we're going to be doing some serious Reese's worship (she doesn't drinlk) - and if need be crying together... because that is what true friends (sisters) do...

    Thanks ladies as always you are wonderful!!

    edited to make sense -  we (yes my whole household) have colds.
  • edited December 2011
    Oh Angie, I am sorry to hear all of this.  I hope you and your family feel better very soon!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards